EK has actually freshened up First on many of its aircraft. I personally can’t tell the difference. There’s only so much bling you can add. The first class cabin looks like a cross between Liberace’s bedroom and the Penthouse at Trumps hotel in Vegas.

My first leg though was on a 777. Which only had 6 seats in F. To be honest, this rig was a bit tired.

But do not worry, with EK, there is an army of people to help make your flight be as smooth as a baby’s bum. On the 380’s, there’s even a “Spa Attendant” whose sole job it is to clean both bathrooms and to handle your shower reservations.

EK’s seat is 10 times more comfortable than the SQ seat (even the OG version). And the bedding is top notch. There’s not a lot in it between the tech on board. SQ has Krisworld and EK has ICE. Both are staggeringly impressive. And both carriers provide free wifi for people up the sharp end.

Food and wine. Again, hardly anything in it.

Suffice to say you will never go hungry, someone will make your bed at the slightest hint of you becoming sleepy and if you want, you could wash your hands in Dom. Or Krug. Take your pick.

I slept like a bear. Probably due to the massage I received from Attila the Hun in Jakarta.

I thought I would sleep for as long as I can on the first flight and then enjoy the almost all daylight flight from Dubai to Houston.

When I arrived in DXB, I was first off.

There was an EK man holding a sign with my name on it.

My heart sank for a bit as I thought maybe the Singapore Tax Office wasn’t yet done with me.

The EK man beamed from ear to ear and said “Mr Eight Black I am here to escort you to the First Class lounge”

I thought how nice. But I was familiar with the Sandpit having been here countless times.

Apparently, Meet And Greet is a newish service EK has been offering to F customers. So the EK man barks at another man, who is the golf cart driver and we hoof it to another part of the terminal where we jump on a train, go to another terminal and then clear security.

Security was no more than theater as the EK man boomed in Arabic that he was not to be messed with. So I grabbed my bag off the conveyer and yet another golf cart ride to the F lounge.

The charming M&G man literally handed me off to the Front desk person. It was both a slightly amusing experience and also a little embarrassing but it happens so frequently that no one blinks an eye.

I am no stranger to the EK first lounge in Dubai.

In fact, one year I even arranged something called the Dubai Do and a gaggle of FT’ers were treated like royalty as we toured EK’s catering facility, jumped out of an A380 upper deck door onto an escape slide and all had breakfast and copious amounts of Moet in the F lounge.

It was a cracker of an event. We should do it again.

I decided to freshen up in the lounge, take a shower and have something to eat. I didn’t want to offend the wonderful Indian staff member who insisted I have a champagne. I kept saying yes because I just wanted his head to stop going from side to side. His smile was as wide as the Sydney Harbor Bridge.

When I got there the lounge was practically deserted and most of the staff looked bored out of their minds. They are practically begging you for something to do.

You could literally say…

“I’ll have 2 boiled eggs, freshly scrambled eggs, a side of baked beans, some New Zealand lamb chops and 18 pieces of toast with marmalade”

And someone would run to the kitchen, much arm waving would ensue and within minutes everything would be served in front of you.

The trip from DXB to IAH is a serious haul. 15 hours and change.

Man, that Superjumbo must be loaded to the brim with fuel and as it barrels down the runway, its 4 massive Rolls Royce Trent engines screaming and howling in an effort to lift the overweight quad jet into the sky. It’s still a technical marvel if you ask me.

I didn’t sleep a whole lot on this flight. But I had a great time. Probably one of my best flights ever. I did some work. Went to the bar at the back and had a wonderful conversation with an Indian businessman who lived in Houston. Turns out he owns a seriously large amount of hotels.

For some weird reason we get to talking about politics. Something I rarely do. His wife later joins us, figures out what we’re talking about and proceeds to tell me that she married an idiot and promptly walks off in disgust. We both loved it.

There is a bit of a weird thing that happens if F customers go to the bar though. One of the First Class flight attendants follows you, and then proceeds to tell whoever is on bar duty that you are a F customer and to pour the good stuff when it comes to champagne and not the dogwash Moet they normally serve.

Always made me feel slightly uncomfortable if I’m honest.

And I will admit something. I had a shower for the first time on an A380.

In all the times I have flown that thing, I was always hesitant. And since it’s just the 2 of us chatting, I have a thing about using bathrooms in general on aircraft.

I’ll tell you why…

I don’t want to be that person they can’t identify in a plane crash.

Imagine this. There’s a terrible accident and everyone onboard perishes. The NTSB comb through the wreckage and identify every person. But there’s one missing.

That unlucky sod was sitting on the throne, minding his own business and all of a sudden the plane plummets to earth like a dart.

Because aircraft don’t do well when they hit a hard object (like the ground) gravity takes effect and the poor person on the crapper ends up being sucked into the plumbing.

While I realize this is a tad bit morbid, I’m sorry but thats the way my gin fused brain thinks…

And thats what I love about travel to this day.

No, not the thought of perishing in an aircraft toilet…

It’s the whole journey. The unpredictability of it all.

Sure it’s fun flying up the front. I get that I am quite lucky to be able to do it. I don’t have to fill in any forms. I don’t have to ask anyone for permission.

But it’s the people you meet along the way.

One of my good friends to this day is a Qantas pilot. We met onboard a flight between SIN and SYD more than 20 years ago.

I feel for people who don’t want to travel, don’t want to see the world, don’t want to smell something new, drink something weird, taste something crazy. Or nearly get thrown into jail in a foreign country.

I love people watching at airports - largely because most people think that when they step foot inside an airport, any airport, that they are still largely in control of their lives.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I wish you many upgrades for the remainder of 2024.

And given that I am the Mod now of this quirky little forum, if anyone has any issues with any part of this TR, then the complaints department will be open from 3am to 303am on Xmas Eve 2026.

Go forth and travel my pathetic friends.

I hope our paths cross soon…