LawFlyer

I may get flamed for this, but I am seriously and sincerely interested in the FT general opinion on this issue. I, for one, value the opinions I find on this board -- and I'd like to know how some of you would have reacted in the same situation.

Late last week flying CO 11 from CDG - IAH in BusinessFirst, I was approached by the concierge AFTER boarding, stowing my things, and settling in for the crossing with my Diet Coke and a boring brief I was drafting. The concierge told me that BizFirst was oversold and two elderly people on their 60th anniversary trip were the last to arrive because of a late connection from Lyon. They didn't want to be split up, and the wife was having "memory problems;" the wife had already boarded because she had been separated from the husband at security (?), and she was already sitting by me, staring blankly, like a child.

The concierge was asking for volunteers to take a seat in Coach, with the compensation of (1) full refund of BizFirst fare and (2) no charge for the coach seat at all and (3) a free int'l BF roundtrip ticket for later use. The old lady (with the kindest face and eyes I've ever seen) couldn't really speak well, but her eyes said it all. She needed her husband probably more than I needed the seat I was in.

There were NO takers in either BF cabin on the 777. The concierge was exasperated, and I finally spoke up. I asked which Coach seat I would be moved to if I took the deal. The concierge said "Row 17 A, B, and C were all empty, so you'll have the seats all to yourself on the left side -- so you can actually lay down, etc." Well, if two elderly people could now (1) fly on the same flight (2) sitting together, and (3) I get free crossing PLUS a free J ticket to Europe later, well OK...

I agreed. I got the J roundtrip voucher, plus the refund docs signed by the concierge and his card. He took me to 17 ABC, and I settled in there. (Truth be told: this is where I always sit if I am flying on my own dime: Row 16 or 17, so it's not THAT big a deal, right?) And now comes the horror story:

Boarding was NOT completed, which I did not know (and the concierge did not explain!). Apparently (so says CO), a VERY, VERY, VERY large woman walked up to the counter at CDG and bought a roundtrip ticket to IAH to visit a sick friend who had suddenly taken ill; thus, she had no reservation and no seat assignment. She just showed up at CDG a few hours before the flight. She was assigned Row 17 B. But when she arrived and saw me in 17 A, she politely took 17 C, leaving a seat free between us. HOWEVER, she did not actually fit in seat C, and she took up ALL of 17 B and C, having to sort of sit at an angle to get herself in the seats at all, lifting armrests in between.

The FA brought her a seatbelt extension to go around her enormous girth. I've just never seen anything quite like this. I would think she must have a true medical problem, glandular or otherwise. Simply "overeating" just could NOT get you to this point! Needless to say, I was now miffed about the change of seats. But things got even worse when yet ANOTHER last-minute passenger boarded and demanded his assigned seat: 17C, which the fat lady had taken. She could not unbuckle her seatbelt herself (because she could not reach around her sides to the clasp), so the FA comes over, releases her, helps her up by literally pulling and pushing on her, then plants her in 16B.

Even WORSE: she won't fit. She demands (meanly) that I lift the armrest between us so she can fit her rear into the seat. I refuse -- no way. She plops down, lifting the armrest between 17B and C, and she sits by taking up all of 17 B and C -- just like she had before!! Except now, her center of gravity was in the center seat, not the aisle seat, but she still took up both seats. So, the guy assigned to 17 C STILL has nowhere to actually put his body, even though the enormous woman had technically "moved" to 17 B. The FA then asks ME to lift my armrest "so that all our passengers can be accommodated." This was just stupid, and I refused.

The FA gets the ISM (int'l service mgr) to come over, and then HE asked me to lift the armrest. I told him that I was in Coach at CO's request in the FIRST PLACE, that I had actually paid for a J ticket on this flight, etc. He said, "Yes, but you've been compensated for that switch. Now please lift your armrest so that all our passengers can be accommodated."

I asked whether the entire 777 was sold out, and yes it was; not ONE single seat left. In the end, I did NOT raise my armrest so that the huge woman could then spill herself all over me. Sorry friends -- I love women dearly, and I love them in most shapes and sizes -- but this just grossed me out to have a perfect stranger literally piling slabs of fat into my leg, shoulder, side....it's just disgusting. She was hot, sweaty, panting...and literally pinning me to the wall. Luckily, most of the "extra" weight spilling over onto me was supported by the infamous armrest that I refused to raise.

After we were at cruise, I got up and literally hurdled over this enormous person -- figuring I'd just STAND the rest of the way to the USA!! Of course, some FA starting quoting regulations at me (yeah, yeah, I'm a lawyer...) telling me to take my seat immediately or she'd call the pilot. I showed her my seat, and I asked her precisely HOW to take my seat that was now the repository for the REST of the woman -- who had immediately lifted the armrest and spilled across into my seat!! Just so you'll understand: there WAS NO SEAT LEFT!

A ridiculous, petty, undertrained FA said I would just have to "find a way to work it out" saying that I should be more "understanding" of other people's feelings!! What?? She INSISTED that I sit down....so, I did!! I simply crawled over her, and sat down on her leg fat that was spilling into my seat. The woman HOWLED and squirmed, and I thought the entire row of three seats was going to come loose from its floor screws and fling us around the cabin. You can imagine the spectacle. THe FA just stared, said that I should be more considerate, and marched off.

After another hour or so, my body was in torture from sitting half on this woman's leg (to my great disgust) and half on the OTHER ARMREST near the window at a cartoonish angle. Suddenly: I had an idea. I decided that I was going to commandeer one of the crew rest seats, whether they liked it or not. So, from my perch on top of the woman's leg and the other armrest, I again rang for the ISM, he finally arrived and couldn't believe what was going on. I told him I would now be moving to a crew rest seat.

He agreed, moved my things, and I took my "new seat." Nevertheless, I STILL got dirty looks from some FAs. Yet other FAs were obviously howling with laughter about the whole ordeal. I think both those approaches are out of line. I can't believe that only the ISM had the presence of mind to allow me to try my solution. And why didn't they think of that SOONER??

So here's my question for the beloved FT community. What would you have done? Remember, I'd already changed my BF ticket for Coach and accepted the reasonable deal the offered -- but I would NOT have if I'd known the Concierege was totally wrong about the seats I'd have. Even if you had paid for a coach ticket, booked your seat, boarded...and then SHE arrived, what is the PROPER thing to do? I must say, CO totally left me to my own devices, and I do not think that was fair at all. I think that CO should have come up with a solution rather than leaving me to think of one. Still...in your experience, what IS the solution to this problem?

For the record, I am 5'11" and 155 pounds and a marathon runner -- and this I do to keep in shape because of all the traveling I have to do. And, would you believe that the mean FA actually said, "You're skinny, you can take it." WHy should I be punished for keeping myself in shape? You can believe that CO is gonna hear about this, but my call to "WE CARE 2" was a joke, as you can imagine. What should I do? What would YOU do?