I am proud to announce I have performed my magnum opus. This week I was sitting in a Charlotte hotel room between court appearances when the phone rang. I answered and was told by "Agent Jack Carter" of the "United States Federal Treasury" that there was a warrant out for my arrest because my social security number had been compromised. I was told that 25 new bank accounts were opened in my name and if I didn't work with them they'd arrest me. Now, here's where it gets fun. They had my father's name (we have the same name, he's a 3rd and I'm a 4th) so they asked how old I was. I said 69. The agent said "you don't sound like you're 69. I said "you don't sound like your name is Jack Carter" and he laughed nervously and proceeded. He then proceeded to spoof the number of the Durham Police Department and an "Officer Matthews" called me (a different person) to confirm I would work with the treasury. I was told to go withdraw money from my real bank account and then Officer Carter would help me put the money into a "locked wallet". They would then shut down the fraudulent bank accounts and the next day two treasury agents would bring me a new social security number. I was told to go to the bank right away or I'd be arrested.

So being bored I became an actor. I knocked on my bathroom door and told my "boss" I was going to lunch. I used Youtube for sound effects of a car door opening and shutting and ignition and then I hummed while "driving to the bank". Once there I told the agent I had to leave my phone in the car as it was illegal to use your phone in the bank. He said "don't tell me about laws, I am US citizen!". I convinced him I had to leave the phone and further convinced him I had withdrawn $15,000. He then told me I had to drive to Target where I assume I was to buy gift cards. Unfortunately, at this point he asked me to honk my horn to prove I was in the car and he didn't fall for the Youtube sound effect horn. He started to curse me and I cursed him right back and told him I had wasted his time for over 50 minutes and he'd been scammed. He was in stunned silence until he hung up.