Technical service: Sir-if you do not mind, do not drink alcohol. It is bad for you. Drink inflight water that is specially aged in our storage tank. Best vintage 1975.
Our alcohol is freshly brewed at our own backside still.Complementary for our members.
Sir, did you say some child is kicking the back of your seat? We condone violence and the perpetrator will be arrested when we land. Until then, stay on the line and don't let the person out of your sight.
Sir, you say you are the captain and couldn't get back to the cockpit? For security verification, please state your name, last 4 digits of your social security number, date of birth and this flight number.
The inflight internet is not secure and is subject to hacking by IRS. All laptops close.
Sir, there is no seat 10Z in this flight! Did you mean you are tense and want an emotional support animal?
(as you all can see, this is what I do after retirement)