That's what I would verify as well. If you're Gold, then you should at least appear on the upgrade list, regardless of whether you're a companion of someone else with Gold on the same PNR, and regardless of you having Gold status as a lifetime's companion. If that's not happening, then something is wrong beyond the priority of the list. Also, does your name as it appears on the ticket exactly match how it appears on your MP account?

But there's another curious thing: you say " She is a million mile file with current Gold status ... every time we get to the gate, she is the first person on the upgrade list. (Always gets her upgrade)" If that's true, she would be the envy of every other Gold out there for her good fortune.