The review was obviously written as a joke or ill thought out satire.

One cannot take this seriously: (a review of a hamburger)

• The chili was lukewarm and grizzly, the onion was soggy and potent. The meat was so well done it shattered all of my teeth; so I began to cry uncontrollably,

and

• On the way out, I noticed monkey beanie babies and toys all over the shelves giving me a sinister vibe; it felt like an appropriate conclusion to a horror film.