I am very upset and disturbed by this whole monorail thing....

Because I will not be able to get around EWR quickly and efficently? Nah! What planet are you on! Saavy travellers gave up on that at Newark long ago.

They are taking away one of my secret leisure destinations for my 4 and 5 year old kids:

FLIGHT FANTASY LAND AMUSEMENT PARK!

We often make the 15 minute car trip to EWR to spend a day at this lovely amusement park and it's many themed areas:

IRATE LAND: Watch the people get pissed as they wait on interminable lines at the check in at terminal C. See the funny faces as people realize that:
-the guy in front of them is buying tickets for next month (as there is no advance sale desk at EWR)
-the family of 12 in front of them is checking in 36 pieces of luggage and just now thought it would be a good idea to put their name and address on each bag with the airlines free luggage tags
-the E-Ticket machines do not work for international travel
-There's no chance in hell that they'll make their flight

FANTASY LAND: Watch the people get in line to board flights. See how the first mention of "preboard" causes the entire airport to rush an individual gate. See the abundance of "carry-on" baggage pile up as trevelers engae in the fantasy that the stuff they are lugging could ever fit into the sizers. Watch them all pretend that they will get anywhere on time.

THE WORLD OF IMAGINATION:
Watch the funny looking people make funny looking faces as they work their way around the terminals in search of something edible. Many settle on a pig-lip hot dog or Chicken McNuggets...or a wilted salad - and try to imagine that it's edible. Many also imagine how it's possible that a place as busy as EWR can not have a real, good restaruant anywhere.

DEALTOWN USA: Head for the Northwest gates in terminal B. Watch as the people in the funny red jackets try to get people to take later flights by offering people tickets on future delayed flights. Watch what what they do when all flights are cancelled.

THE WORLD OF LIES: Look at the big monitors! 2 hours flight time to Montreal...2 hour flight time to Washington DC...etc. See how the airlines have added boarding delays, waiting in take-off line delays, waiting for gate after landing delays and the like into the schedule. See how a 45 minute flight is scheduled for 2 and 1/2 hours, and how this lets the airlines claim a splendid on time record!!!! (Remember to amaze yourself that even with the lies, United STILL can not get anywhere on time. They seem to use all their lying directly to the passengers instead of the schedule!!)


The whole thing makes for a wonderful day...combined with rest and free food breaks at the Presidents' Clubs, the free magazines and the fun, free monorail rides, it's the best amusement park north of Orlando! With no monorail, we'll have to go to six-flags.