I found this amusing. Hopy you like it too.

6 ways to avoid conversation with the
loony seated next to you on a flight

It has happened to us all. You take your seat, fasten the seat belt in
preparation for takeoff, and then a loony sits in the seat next to you. Of
course you don't immediately know he's a loony, although you notice
something strange about the way he looks at you. "Hello", he says
politely. You say "Hello" back to him, and then it starts. For the entire
journey you get his life story (it is the most boring story you have ever
heard), his views on politics (he is to the right of Attila the Hun, and
still believes that "Sir Johannes Bjelke-Peterson is the only man
capable of leading this great nation of ours to glory"), his views on
religion (he makes the Spanish Inquisition look like a Sunday school
picnic), and a host of conspiracy theories each of which adds further
weight to a theory you are developing concerning your new friends
sanity. So, what do you do to avoid this awkward situation ?

Travel Tips:

1.It begins when you are checking in. Don't, (repeat) don't make
eye contact with anyone. If you do, it could be with a loony
who will inevitably end up sitting next to you. He will recognise
you immediately and think this gives him the right to talk to
you : "Didn't I see you in the check-in queue? I did! Gee, I
really like you suitcase. Isn't black a good color for
suitcases?….."

2.Once on board, bury your head in the newspaper you
purchased before boarding. Make sure you buy one of the
longer newspapers, such as The Age, which is about two and a
half metres long. Although long papers are difficult to read,
particularly in the confined space of an aircraft seat, you will
not have purchased it as reading material, but as a shield
behind which you can hide from the loon. If he asks whether he
can help you with the crossword, don't say a word, just snarl
viciously at him and return to your hiding place.

3.Play him at his own game. With a little rehearsal, you can be
just as loony as the next guy.

4.If you can tell he's a loony just by looking at him, pretend you
are a deaf mute. When he says "Hello", make a few signs with
your fingers, and pray that he is not fluent at sign language.

5.If you are already engrossed in conversation before realising
he is a loon, explain that you are suffering from food poisoning
and go to the toilet. This opens up two possibilities:- firstly
you will have the opportunity to avoid his ravings by making
frequent trips to the toilet; secondly, if he becomes totally
unbearable you may choose to spend the rest of the flight
there. If you choose the second alternative, be sure to take a
good book.

6.Pretend you are asleep - this has a extra benefit in that you can
also avoid the annoying interruptions of flight attendants who
will offer you drinks when you are not thirsty and mediocre
food when you are not hungry.

Although, I actually usually very much enjoy talking to my seatmates. Hmmmm maybe I am the loony.

[This message has been edited by Punki (edited 12-21-1999).]