It is my experience auto-gratuities (AG) occur only in parties over XX people, and although my wife and I eat out frequently together and separately, we don't generally go to the places (IIIC, if I interpret correctly--kinda high $$ places) where AGing is rampant. A couple things come to mind: 1) If an AG amount matches what I was planning to give--it's a push, nothing else added; 2) If the AG is higher than I would have given in light of the service being subpar due to server's and not anothers' fault, I'll ask about the AG and mention to a manager the restaurant failed [threshold] in service and offer to pay the AG with something given for free [if mandatory], or specifically write in something less [keep receipt] and watch out for total on CC bill.; 3) I don't hold the server accountable for non-controllables [i.e., my steak is bleeding when ordered med well unless waiter faulted (ordered from memory incorrectly)]; 4) I generally don't tip more than 20% regardless unless it's a convenient round on a smaller bill [people on expense accounts, aside]; 5) I like the European model--servers are paid more and get more bennies and as a result you pay more for food, but you KNOW from the outright the price of eating since VAT is usually included [a couple Euros for above and beyond is Okay in my book]; and lastly, we're our own worst Western nightmare--we tip a lot, so people expect a lot, so restaurants 'start the process' for us. I'm a lot more vocal now, I suppose, than when younger: tips still need to be earned even by US domestic standards--somehow I don't think I'm doing a service or disservice when service is way subpar and I tip mindlessly.