Versions of this has been floating around for a while, this one came in as "Ohio" but I changed most references to Edmonton and Ottawa, and the butt to Toronto, in honour of some recent teasing.

Please read all of these to the end...it will be its own reward.


TORONTO TEMPERATURE CONVERSION CHART

@ +70 degrees Fahrenheit

Torontonians turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Ottawa go swimming in the Rivers.

@ +60 degrees Fahrenheit

Torontonians try to turn on the heat. People in Edmonton plant gardens.

@ +50 degrees Fahrenheit

Torontonians shiver uncontrollably. People in Ottawa sunbathe.

@ +40 degrees Fahrenheit

Italian & English cars won't start. People in Edmonton drive with the windows down.

@ +32 degrees Fahrenheit

Distilled water freezes. Ottawa River water gets thicker.

@ +20 degrees Fahrenheit

Torontonians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats. People in Edmonton throw on a flannel shirt.

@ +15 degrees Fahrenheit

Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Ottawa have the last cookout before it gets cold.

@ +10 degrees Fahrenheit

People in Toronto all die... Edmontonians lick the flagpole.

@ -20 degrees Fahrenheit

Torontonians fly away to Mexico. People in Ottawa get out their winter coats.

@ -40 degrees Fahrenheit

Toronto disintegrates. The Girl Guides in Edmonton are selling cookies door to door.

@ -60 degrees Fahrenheit

Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Ottawa Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

@ -80 degrees Fahrenheit

Mt. St. Helens freezes. People in Edmonton rent some videos.

@ -100 degrees Fahrenheit

Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Eskimos fans get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

@ -297 degrees Fahrenheit

Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Eastern Ontario complain about farmers with cold hands.

@ -460 degrees Fahrenheit

ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale). People in Edmonton start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

@ -500 degrees Fahrenheit

Hell freezes over. The Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup!