Originally Posted by goodandclassy

If you book through third-party sites, often times your upgrade does not show up as requested. you have to either pull up your reservation on delta.com and hope that the request upgrade link is active, or call dl reservations to get yourself added to the list...

still doesn't explain why wife was upgraded but you were (esp if on the same booking!), but this is one of the most common ways why the upgrade is not requested.

Welcome to FT!