Originally Posted by jiejie

BJ probably has a larger number of expats that are in the "long term" category than SH, probably due to the differing focus of business in each city. Shanghai and surrounding region has a larger corporate presence in terms of numbers of managers, with focus on financial and operations. Expats often assigned for 4 year hitches, with the intent (employee and employer) of leaving China afterward--or jumping to a different company in China. The skill set needed is more nuts-and-bolts business stuff. Beijing is where most major companies have their government relations and advocacy offices, which tend to be staffed by expats with a lot of gray hair, lots of China experience, and established relationships with Chinese government officials in the relevant Ministries. Ditto for specialty consultants that do this sort of GR/PR work and represent major companies. In less than a minute, I could probably make a list of 2-3 dozen expats in Beijing I know personally/socially, who have been in China for minimum of 10 years, and some as long as 20. Some of these have been running their own businesses here. These are nearly all middle-aged+ foreigners.

I can see your dilemma on being in one group age-wise, but another one professionally and interest-wise. I can only suggest that if you want to "access" an older expat crowd on a social, non-business basis, that you find in SH some sort of social group, club, church, volunteer group etc that you have an interest in. My experience with this in BJ is that when you come together with common interests, the age differences between members becomes irrelevant. I say this to you as a middle-aged person who has been in groups with multiple age brackets...from which the dinner invites and social stuff evolves. This goes back to what I said in a post above- about getting "plugged into" the expat network-it seems that common expat wisdom is that it's easier to find groups and join in in BJ than SH.

As for your girlfriend and family, what can I say? Your GF is taking the very standard Chinese female business-like approach and looking at her companion as a general representative for current and future material possibilities. They do this with Chinese males also. Only you know whether there is also some true love in there somewhere. One tip: if you propose to buy a house for the two of you, tell her you intend to keep it in your name only. Her reaction will give you some indication as to where you stand in her priorities.