Sorry folks, it's very detailed. and the first person who's caught snoring will be arrested by Commander Catcop's fine assistant NEWSELF!

The Long and Winding Security Line

It turned out to be a great move to have Billy drive me to EWR extra early, because as I checked in on the 1K line one of the agents warned me that the line will be outrageously long. No bags to check and I had the nice agent double check that my briefcase and the squeaky wheeled rollaway were in compliance. She gave me the thumbs up and wished me luck at security.

Long wasn’t the word for it. It was like the line waiting for YankeeWorld Series tickets at the Stadium (Let’s go METS, ducking Dhammer J ) The line snaked through a third of Terminal A. You can sense the tension among some on line as it moved, very very slowly. I decided when it was time to just have everything packed and keep my briefcase open so I can grab my Trusty MAC right away.

Airport “Fine” Cuisine, but Finer Company

Since I have almost 2 and a half hours to kill, went to the TGI Fridays with regret (I am not a fan of the cold, plastic service and cold plastic food there but when that’s all there is besides Starbucks outside security, you deal.) The greeter told me and another woman we had a minimum 10 minute wait for a table being singles. They were sitting couples and groups. I asked if there was room at the bar and the guy just pointed to a stool.

Went over and sat down next to this nice Brit named Nathan waiting for a connection to Columbus. The automatron (see LarryU, I read your trip reports) of a bartender reluctantly took my order for Onion soup (getting over a cold) and Chicken wings (the one thing I think TGI can’t mess up.)

The food was as cold as the staff, but Nathan was a great guy who I got to talk with about soccer, sjtes to visit around NYC, the attacks, things to do in Columbus (I told him to find a Ruth’s Chris and enjoy a nice dinner) and the whole security thing. He said he was used to it from England. I also thanked him and all the Brits for their support. He said the British consider America their best friend and they will always help their fellow “mates in the stetes.”

Nathan went off to catch his flight and I got my cold soup and wings. Somewhat edible, enough to hold me over for the transcon.

The other good thing about this whole TGI experience: the 160 points I earned for the Gold Points program (Only need like 3,000 more to get 500 miles for Delta!) Yeah, crazy I know but it’s all about the miles!

Catman Gets Caught

Taking a deep breath, went on the long and winding security line. Got my MAC out to put separately thru security. Bags on belt and then one of the security agents said they had to rescan my bag.
Here was my concern: buried amid the clothes and toiletry kit and Bible and boxer shorts was the famous OLD GOLD COMMANDER CATCOP BADGE (the Commander decided he was crashing the STIFFS weekend and who could blame him!)

I thought the bag was being pulled for that. Well, here’s what happened: security girl goes through the clothes, then opens my toiletry kit and takes out the little corkscrew thing. She told me she had to confiscate it and I let her do it. She closed the bag and Commander Catcop was ready to move on.

MAC Attack

But before I could go, there was a woman right ahead of me who was told to take everything out of her bag. She had a pair of scissors and kept denying that she knew how they got in there. So the line came to a halt.

I put my MAC on the counter so I could repack everythin. Then the woman goes to make room on the counter and KNOCKS MY MAC TO THE FLOOR!!!!

Needless to say I lost it and said “How could you be so stupid as not to know that scissors are not allowed.” Her and her husband just stood there, dumb founded.

A very cute National Guard woman came up picked up the Mac and said “let’s see if it works” “it’s not worth having a stroke over it, the laptops are sturdy.”

The MAC turned on and she told me to just get my stuff and not get mad at the couple. Yes it turned on and worked. She wished me a nice flight and I wished I gave her my business card. Oh my luck with women!

Good to be Back “Home”

It’s always a welcome sight to go to the Red Carpet Club, and get the warm greetings of the usual angels Lynn and Carol and Gus at the desk. I showed my RCC card and Carol said “You know we all know the Catman here so you don’t have to show it.” They said I was gone too long and I admitted I was flying on Continental to get elite with the double status miles promotion,, but added “my heart belongs to United.” The angels smiled.

Went over to see Maria at the bar who had my Sam Adams ready. We caught up on our adventures, and Maria said she was thankful travel was picking up. A State trooper came in and got a PEPSI. I told him he deserved it and he joked he wished he was off duty to enjoy a Sam Adams. A trooper of good taste, twice.

It was time to leave and I told Maria I would be back in a few weeks after finishing my Continental runs.

There were not much I remember about the flight to L-A. I got on the plane and since I ate early and had an early 12 am wakeup I slept through most of the flight.


{b] Missing My LAX Greeters [/b]

The flight got in about 20 minutes late. It was my first flight into LAX since all the new security went into place. The airport just wasn’t the same, and I missed the smiling faces of PremEx and Newself and Mr. Limo and other Flyertalkers being there to greet me (or in the case of Mr.Limo and Newself, my personal bodyguard) heading off to the President’s Club for a late night drinky. The airport seemed barren, empty, not much full of life except for frustrated travelers with emotionless faces.

PremEx suggested going directly to the 4 Points (my usual sleeping place when I had early flights out of LAX.) PremEx as usual gave impeccable directions: take the shuttle bus (it arrived 15 minutes after I called) and meet him right outside the hotel (PremEx was there waiting, dependable as always.)

Paint in a Bottle

I got my room key at the 4 Points but later realized the hotel did not give me my Platinum amenity (the new Starwood system where you choose between free movies or fruit or points.) I’ll probably have to write Starwood about this.

PremEx told me he had to change rooms three times because the phones did not work. The hotel head desk person said they were upgrading the phones. In the process the Internet phone connection was like 7200, very slow. I guess the more you improve technology the more problems you cause.

PremEx was not feeling that well, had a bad head cold, but we took some time before calling it a night to have some dinner at the 4 Points restaurant. I had a pretty good lobster ravioli and a Sierra Nevada which was good beer. PremEx had a very high stacked hamburger (which looked like how fast food burgers look like in those print ads and tv commercials) and some high protein and vitamin drink he said joggers have. It was the color of the interior of a United plane and looked like paint in a bottl.e. PremEx said it was one of the most tasteless things he had. I forget the name but it’s sold all over the country.

We stopped at the bar where PremEx let me have his drink coupon and he went to bed. I had a black Russian but was getting nautous at the booze breath smell from three men back from a boozy vacation in Mexico, getting more drunk and singing Barry White songs. I felt sorry for their hangover to come.

Since the entertainment was getting flat I too called it a night.

NEXT: FITTING FOUR FLYERTALKERS IN FIRST CLASS

[This message has been edited by Catman (edited 10-29-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Catman (edited 10-29-2001).]