You may have made your res, and you may be paying for your room...but as long as you are under the group rate, you are still a part of the group. Period. And of the two, the group is far more important to the hotel than you. So they are certainly going to share with the coordinator how they assisted you. How can you not see that? No one was tattling on you!

it isn't the GM's responsibility to provide an early check-in for you to freshen up or change out of jeans, it is your responsibility to plan ahead by paying for what you need, not hoping for it. Unless you had it in writing that you were to be provided an early check-in, you aren't owed one.

As far as "playing the Gold Elite card?" Seriously?