Forgive me the novel, but a possible solution to a common problem in a rather extreme circumstance (relatively extreme, but far from unique).

On Tuesday, returned FLL-LGA after a long weekend with a companion. We both get battlefield upgrades despite a very full flight (FLL-LGA in October is not the most elite-heavy route; only two on the UG list behind my non-status companion), and so we board after the rest of F.

The F overheads are now full, and the closest space for my friend's backpack, which is large but well within carry-on limits, is just behind F on the right-side bins (it's an MD88, so he's in the bulkhead and the right bins are smaller than the left). Coach pax store their bags carefully enough, so the rest of his bin is full but not awful. All's well.

At T-8: the Bag Crushers.

With an FA on the intercom announcing that overhead space is completely full and asking the remaining boarding pax to please move out of the aisle so that two carry-ons can be brought from the back to be gate-checked, a tall man in a suit and a suited female companion step on with what are each vastly oversized hard suitcases (neither can pull his/hers through the aisle).

FA stops the man before he can proceed and quickly tags his bag (he sighs and shakes his head), but he's between the FA and the woman, and the two both open and begin rummaging through the bin holding our backpack. After an unwitting young woman in the Y bulkhead offers to take her purse out, "if that helps," Mssr. and Mrs. Crusher begin relocating other small items from the bin, including someone else's small carry-on, which they can manage into an F bin, and begin, impressively in tandem, to shove her suitcase into the overhead.

My friend's now watching this worriedly. His bag holds his dress shoes, his sunglasses, his girlfriend's "famous" smoked salmon, and the Harry and David gift box for his grandmother. The FA first requests, and then chides, and then almost begs the pair to let her gate check the bag since it clearly won't fit and "other people have their personal property in there."

"We know," the female passenger says, raising her eyebrows and slightly smiling in exasperation. What sounds like the cargo door being closed is actually their suitcase, in defiance of physics, rocketing into the overhead. Three or four tries and the bin even closes. The FA gets on the intercom, clearly exasperated herself, and asks those in the bulkhead to please not open their bins inflight due to the potential for ejecting-bag-related injuries.

Upon deplaning, my friend pulls out his laptop and his Canon travel printer (in their own hard case) and the backpack and does an inventory: Harry and David: flattened. Sunglasses: badly bent, even in semi-hard case. The food gift box alone was worth about $100 and the glasses would need to be repaired. My friend rapidly types on his laptop, then prints off a page with the heading "INVOICE."

The Bag Crushers emerge, and my friend, document and evidence in hand, politely stops them. "Sorry, but I believe you destroyed some of my property." The couple is obviously stunned. He quickly notes that he had some minor valuables in his backpack, that the couple had carried on an obviously-oversized bag, that they had defied FA warnings and commands to desist from trying to store it, that they had acknowledged the presence of other people's belongs and the warning to respect them, and that they should have known that Olympian efforts to jam the suitcase into other bags would crush them.

"Destruction of property is an act liable for damages," my friend tells them, almost verbatim and in a very calm tone. "Here's your invoice. Rather than bother with small-claims court in Florida, I'd like to settle this now. The food and glasses will be $200, thanks, though if you think I can fix Ray-Bans for less, feel free to meet me in Broward." He opens the sunglass case for their inspection.

To her credit, the woman cut us a check on the spot.

Thoughts?

(Update: 1 a.m. PDST: My friend was in the F bulkhead, 2A, and so couldn't store the backpack in front of his seat.)