InkUnderNails

The folks here are sometimes a bit sensitive to problems and are seeking elegant and simple solutions. For the most part the problems are minimal, but when they occur can be frustrating, even infuriating. Odds are things will be fine.

I have not stayed at these, but the HI breakfasts are pretty generic. You can expect the following:

A waffle machine: the instructions are right there, and they are accurate, but the thing is hot, really, really hot. Just like the signs say. The problem is the folks that do not read the simple instructions, or, after starting the process stand staring in utter amazement that the thing works. It may be that they think there is a safety feature that shuts it off if they are not watching. Anyway, this seems to be the major flow restriction. Some Hamptons have two machines which means there are two people watching them instead of one.

Cereal: Intelligent managers have the mini boxes that I can stash for later, but some have bulk feeding vertical bins. These come in two styles. The first does not put any cereal in your bowl, or maybe a spoonful or two. Repetitive operations will eventually nearly fill the bowl until the last operation puts about 1/2 pound of cereal into the already full bowl. The other style dumps the full load with the first pull.

Oatmeal: Never ever get the regular flavor. It should say plain and tasteless. If you get it, you will need to flavor it yourself. It is all the instant variety. Do not ever expect complex carbohydrate selections but you can get them at the diner down the street. You will need to get water over at the coffee. Just say excuse me to the people staring at the waffle maker on the way.

Bread: There will be a selection of stale white bread, stale brown bread, leather bagels and sweet, smack your mamma, pastries. The bread and bagels are improved by toasting. The toaster dynamic is similar to the waffle maker but they are not nearly as hot, at least where you can touch them. Since they have a remarkable similarity to home toasters people are not nearly as fascinated by them. In fact, they are loaded and abandoned. The toast pops up and no one claims it. Eventually they remember and retrieve it, but by now it is a bit cold, so it gets a quick rewarm cycle that burns it and the bread is thrown away. It is about a 50/50 chance that the patron will now try to repeat this process.

Coffee: You have regular, robust and decaf. The regular is basic coffee, not too great, not too bad, but coffee nonetheless. I suspect the robust is just more of the regular, but since I do not get one of each to compare I really have no way of knowing. Exception: In the Pacific Northwest the robust really is. Stand back, say Here Coffee, and it will walk over to you. The regular may the same strength as, once again, I do not get two cups for comparison.

Juice: Pulp removed orange, basic apple, and maybe two types of milk are standard. Often these are served in carafes, I guess like a fine wine. The carafes are shoved down in a bed of ice to keep them cold. But that assumes that the previous patron shoved them back into the ice. Often they are just sitting around. They will have a plastic cap on the carafe that is specifically designed to splash juice on your hand and down the side of the carafe when you pull it off. Optionally you may see the jugs that have an insert with a liquid that is supposed to be ice to keep the juice cold. If you are very lucky, the juice will be in a mechanical dispenser that uses the same noisy mechanical components as the wall mount room air conditioners, set to high.

Finally, drum roll please..........., the two compartment chafing dish that the is the official holder of the daily selection that defines the "Hot Breakfast" part of the HI advertising. I love this thing. I almost never partake, but I will read the little signs hanging on the handle, guess what the contents are, open the lid and see if the offering matches my imagination. Some of these are very interesting. The bagel toppers, for example. Looks like leftover pizza. Sausage may be links or patties. If they are turkey they are generally not edible. There may be potato looking thing. And my favorite: the egg patty. These are nice little perfectly round egg thingies stacked up in little rows in the chafing dish. Except for the clue given by the little sign, your first guess would be that these might be something else. But, they are egg colored and generally egg flavored, but not necessarily egg textured, at least the texture I make eggs when I have a skillet. They are nourishing, I suspect, but not much else. They are to be used with something else, like the turkey sausage. The chafing dish creates its own backup, generally as folks are waiting for it to be replenished.

Oh. I almost forgot, the biscuits and gravy, the food that is so unique it gets its own thread.

Enjoy your stay!