IME customs and expectations can vary from region to region - even within the same sect of Buddhism.
In my father-in-law's home town, various rites have been accelerated and abbreviated for the sake of convenience. (For example, the "vigil" is a short ceremony rather than an all-night endurance test and the "seven-day" rites are performed on the same day as the cremation). His cousins from the island of Sado were rather horrified by these modern touches. By contrast, some other guests from the big city were accustomed to the "Las-Vegas-wedding-style" funeral rites, but they were a little too "Las-Vegas" in the extravagance of their monetary gifts, which left my wife and her brother with a burden of obligation. Fortunately, the local funeral director was well versed in the variations in etiquette around the country and he helped them to avoid embarrassing themselves or the various attendees.
Having observed Japanese people getting tangled up in their own traditions, I would always seek out someone who is close to the situation to advise me on what's appropriate for that specific situation.