Aah, he wants sympathy (where's jaws43 when you need him?)

The way to deal with the idiot child is to draw yourself up to your full height, look down your nose, and, using the plummiest accent available to you say "That, my dear, is why you have a job. I don't WANT to know how to operate a fax machine."

As for missing the blue carpet - perhaps BA would provide you with a minion who can run ahead of you rolling out your own personal carpet. You wouldn't have to expose your delicate tootsies to linoleum ever again...