Sorry, my bad. Just realized I mismatched you, Mrs kipper, with the-"he" FTer based in Seattle.

I "think" the new Chinese restaurant in your area hasn't westernized their menu too much (yet) so you wind up getting the authentic "extra spicy." My guess is the chef probably would tame down the spices if too many "too spicy" comments/complaints/feedback from customers are received.

If you do like their food, maybe you can chat with the owner in your next visit and ask them to keep it the way it is. Then you can compare the differences between their regular and "extra spicy" and see how much you can take it.