Home For Xmas (and my first award flight)
Dec 13, 2010, 11:40 pm
#1
Moderator, Trip Reports
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Denver, CO
Programs: UA GS-2MM, Marriott Ambassador
Posts: 3,715
Home For Xmas (and my first award flight)
For those of you who don't know, I married an American. Much to my mother-in-law's horror.
Actually, I have no idea why I told you that. Anyway.
Darth Vader (aka The Mother-In-Law) said to my wife in the early days when we were dating, "there's 300-million 'merrycans, why'd you have to pick an Ausseee?"
My wife's family lives in a very small town in Michigan. A sum total of eleven-houses in the street. One cop. A general store that sells beer. And shotgun shells. In any quantity. You get the idea.
Family includes three sisters. One brother. They all grew up in the one house, which sits on 77 acres. And would you believe, they all shared the one solitary bathroom. Suffice to say it wasn't the best place to be after a mexican meal the night before. The horror.
My wife blames alcohol for getting us together. I do too. More on that later.
Anyway, we made a pact a long time ago that we would would go to the US for Xmas every second year. Actually, it wasn't a pact at all. It was more like "if you wish to see me naked again, you will pay for us to go home every second year…"
Obviously, being a male, I caved.
And largely thanks to UA, we've been able to facilitate many Xmas trips and vacations for family members at little cost to anyone. Except for us of course.
Let me explain.
When we announced our engagement, I decided that there was no way we were going to get married in a little town in Michigan, where more often than not, they have "dry" weddings. We were going to get married in Melbourne, my home town. At a winery no less. In the Yarra Valley. God's country.
And let me just say this. If someone in Australia decided to have a "dry" wedding (ie no alcohol) well, for starters, no one would turn up, and two, you probably would make the evening news. For being morons. I think in some states of the country, its even illegal to have a wedding without it.
Anyway, in order to make the Aussie "event" happen, I cashed in over 800,000 miles. I had to bring the Clampetts (sorry, the in-laws) out to Australia. It was nothing short of a logistical nightmare.
First off, none of them had passports. And only 2 of them had been on a plane before. On the day of departure, the entire clan went to the wrong airport. I kid you not. They just thought because they were flying UA, they could simply rock up to the airport closest to them, which for them was FNT.
No one bothered to look at an itinerary.
As a result of the ensuing hysteria, UA felt sorry for them and arranged one of those blue airport shuttle vans to drive them to their actual departure airport (MBS).
My mother-in-law kept asking if they served a meal on the shuttle ride. Apparently, and according to my brother-in-law, it was driven by someone who had just arrived into the US the month prior, did not speak a word of english and thought that the speed limit in Michigan was there as a rough guide only.
I digress. Right then, moving on.
I redeemed 2 x J class awards and 9 saver awards. Or something like that. I don't quite remember. Maybe some cash changed hands. Whatever.
We had to get a J award for my mother-in-law because, …..let me see, ….how do I put this delicately. Ummmm, lets just say that she's a Person Of Size.
Ok, she's a porker. A fatso. There, I said it. So shoot me (expect this part to be moderated into the wilderness!)
Since we're friends, we may as well just get it all out on the table. Let's be honest. What else is there to do in Michigan in winter but eat?
My mother in law has a Ph.D in the consumption of anything containing High Fructose Corn Syrup.
One Xmas, my wife said that we needed to buy the Person Of Size a new chair as a gift as the one she was using now was weight restricted to 2200 pounds and it had been a particularly harsh winter. The old chair had simply buckled under the strain. It had collapsed with exhaustion.
So off we trekked to the chair store. I have never seen such an array of Jason recliners in my life.
The polite young man spoke slowly and said "welcome to po-dunk chairs, how may I be of assistance?"
I said to the young sales assistant, "Dude, we need a chair with a hydraulic lift. One that at the press of a button, will hoist the occupant's largesse off the floor. With ease"
He nodded in total sympathy.
Clearly buoyed at the prospect of a sale, the young man said "Sir, what you need is the Jason Tomahawk 4000XR. XR stands for extreme. 4000 stands for how many pounds it can lift. Or something like that.
"This puppy could raise the titanic off the ocean floor", he continued, with just a faint whisper of excitement in his voice.
I was losing the will to live and decided that we should just buy this model and get the hell out of the place before we had to all join hands and sing kumbaya.
My mother-in-law loved the chair. Except for the first few months the hoist part didn't work because unbeknown to me, the damn thing required 3-phase power to operate. We had to hook into the local sub-station to get the thing to function. When my mother finally plugged it in, the street lights in the whole county went out. At least, that's what my nephew said.
Ok, I may have made that last part up. We didn't hook into the substation at all. We connected straight into the Palisades Nuclear Power Reactor.
Moving on then...
Suffice to say that the wedding went well and again, much to my mother-in-law's chagrin, we have not yet filed for divorce.
So….
The main reason I continue to be loyal to UA is because of Mileage Plus. In the last 14-years of membership, I have easily redeemed in excess of 3 million miles, flying the eightblack clan all over the place.
This year is no exception.
Just over 2-weeks ago, I redeemed 2 x J class awards for my son and I from SIN-MBS. The routing is SIN-BKK-NRT-ORD-MBS. On a mixture of TG and NH. We only use UA for the last hop from ORD-MBS. And that's on a UX puddle-jumper.
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, for one, I've never actually redeemed a flight for myself for before. For everyone else. But not for me.
Ok, so its not the most direct of itineraries (I haven't the heart to tell my son we have 4-5hr layovers at each city). But there's also no upgrade lottery to contend with. Not that they would clear at this time of year anyway.
I was amazed at how easy it was. Took all of 10-mins on the phone to the 1K desk in the US. Booked without a hitch. And managed to secure Saver Business Class awards at 125,000 miles a piece. Award heaven.
My wife and daughter are traveling just under a week later.
I will explain why we do this in my next post. And I will explain why I leave award redemption to the last minute. It drives She Who Must Be Obeyed up the wall. Which is probably one of the reasons I do it. But not the main one.
I'm hoping that the road trip with my 10-year old son goes like clockwork, although given my luck with traveling lately, I am fully expecting it to go pear shaped.
Which should be interesting as "mini-me" has the tolerance of a small, mentally challenged nat.
At the first hint of something going pear shaped, he will be at the counter, waving both arms.
Like always, I will attempt to dull the pain with plenty of alcohol.
None of what I have just told you is faintly anywhere near as important as this though. My wife, in her ultimate wisdom, suggested that since the boy and I were going to be traveling for close on 30-hrs together, that it might be a good idea to have the "S" talk. You know, the father and son talk. The birds and the bees. You get the idea.
I fail to see why. He already knows more than I do.
God help me…it's going to be a long ride.
We just checked in at Changi. Found the Premium SATS counter to check-in at, bags have been tagged all the way to ORD (probably be the last we see of them for weeks), and we hoofed it to the TG lounge.
Number One Son promptly threw his hands in the air in disgust at the lack of food. So here we are at the EK lounge (even though we're not flying EK at all) and His Highness is drinking soda and eating crap, while trying to hack the EK wireless network with his PSP thingy...
Meanwhile, I am trying to summons the courage to begin "the talk" by consuming a very nice bottle of Semillon Chardonnay...courtesy of The Sheik.
I shall report in when I get to BKK. If I make it...
Actually, I have no idea why I told you that. Anyway.
Darth Vader (aka The Mother-In-Law) said to my wife in the early days when we were dating, "there's 300-million 'merrycans, why'd you have to pick an Ausseee?"
My wife's family lives in a very small town in Michigan. A sum total of eleven-houses in the street. One cop. A general store that sells beer. And shotgun shells. In any quantity. You get the idea.
Family includes three sisters. One brother. They all grew up in the one house, which sits on 77 acres. And would you believe, they all shared the one solitary bathroom. Suffice to say it wasn't the best place to be after a mexican meal the night before. The horror.
My wife blames alcohol for getting us together. I do too. More on that later.
Anyway, we made a pact a long time ago that we would would go to the US for Xmas every second year. Actually, it wasn't a pact at all. It was more like "if you wish to see me naked again, you will pay for us to go home every second year…"
Obviously, being a male, I caved.
And largely thanks to UA, we've been able to facilitate many Xmas trips and vacations for family members at little cost to anyone. Except for us of course.
Let me explain.
When we announced our engagement, I decided that there was no way we were going to get married in a little town in Michigan, where more often than not, they have "dry" weddings. We were going to get married in Melbourne, my home town. At a winery no less. In the Yarra Valley. God's country.
And let me just say this. If someone in Australia decided to have a "dry" wedding (ie no alcohol) well, for starters, no one would turn up, and two, you probably would make the evening news. For being morons. I think in some states of the country, its even illegal to have a wedding without it.
Anyway, in order to make the Aussie "event" happen, I cashed in over 800,000 miles. I had to bring the Clampetts (sorry, the in-laws) out to Australia. It was nothing short of a logistical nightmare.
First off, none of them had passports. And only 2 of them had been on a plane before. On the day of departure, the entire clan went to the wrong airport. I kid you not. They just thought because they were flying UA, they could simply rock up to the airport closest to them, which for them was FNT.
No one bothered to look at an itinerary.
As a result of the ensuing hysteria, UA felt sorry for them and arranged one of those blue airport shuttle vans to drive them to their actual departure airport (MBS).
My mother-in-law kept asking if they served a meal on the shuttle ride. Apparently, and according to my brother-in-law, it was driven by someone who had just arrived into the US the month prior, did not speak a word of english and thought that the speed limit in Michigan was there as a rough guide only.
I digress. Right then, moving on.
I redeemed 2 x J class awards and 9 saver awards. Or something like that. I don't quite remember. Maybe some cash changed hands. Whatever.
We had to get a J award for my mother-in-law because, …..let me see, ….how do I put this delicately. Ummmm, lets just say that she's a Person Of Size.
Ok, she's a porker. A fatso. There, I said it. So shoot me (expect this part to be moderated into the wilderness!)
Since we're friends, we may as well just get it all out on the table. Let's be honest. What else is there to do in Michigan in winter but eat?
My mother in law has a Ph.D in the consumption of anything containing High Fructose Corn Syrup.
One Xmas, my wife said that we needed to buy the Person Of Size a new chair as a gift as the one she was using now was weight restricted to 2200 pounds and it had been a particularly harsh winter. The old chair had simply buckled under the strain. It had collapsed with exhaustion.
So off we trekked to the chair store. I have never seen such an array of Jason recliners in my life.
The polite young man spoke slowly and said "welcome to po-dunk chairs, how may I be of assistance?"
I said to the young sales assistant, "Dude, we need a chair with a hydraulic lift. One that at the press of a button, will hoist the occupant's largesse off the floor. With ease"
He nodded in total sympathy.
Clearly buoyed at the prospect of a sale, the young man said "Sir, what you need is the Jason Tomahawk 4000XR. XR stands for extreme. 4000 stands for how many pounds it can lift. Or something like that.
"This puppy could raise the titanic off the ocean floor", he continued, with just a faint whisper of excitement in his voice.
I was losing the will to live and decided that we should just buy this model and get the hell out of the place before we had to all join hands and sing kumbaya.
My mother-in-law loved the chair. Except for the first few months the hoist part didn't work because unbeknown to me, the damn thing required 3-phase power to operate. We had to hook into the local sub-station to get the thing to function. When my mother finally plugged it in, the street lights in the whole county went out. At least, that's what my nephew said.
Ok, I may have made that last part up. We didn't hook into the substation at all. We connected straight into the Palisades Nuclear Power Reactor.
Moving on then...
Suffice to say that the wedding went well and again, much to my mother-in-law's chagrin, we have not yet filed for divorce.
So….
The main reason I continue to be loyal to UA is because of Mileage Plus. In the last 14-years of membership, I have easily redeemed in excess of 3 million miles, flying the eightblack clan all over the place.
This year is no exception.
Just over 2-weeks ago, I redeemed 2 x J class awards for my son and I from SIN-MBS. The routing is SIN-BKK-NRT-ORD-MBS. On a mixture of TG and NH. We only use UA for the last hop from ORD-MBS. And that's on a UX puddle-jumper.
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, for one, I've never actually redeemed a flight for myself for before. For everyone else. But not for me.
Ok, so its not the most direct of itineraries (I haven't the heart to tell my son we have 4-5hr layovers at each city). But there's also no upgrade lottery to contend with. Not that they would clear at this time of year anyway.
I was amazed at how easy it was. Took all of 10-mins on the phone to the 1K desk in the US. Booked without a hitch. And managed to secure Saver Business Class awards at 125,000 miles a piece. Award heaven.
My wife and daughter are traveling just under a week later.
I will explain why we do this in my next post. And I will explain why I leave award redemption to the last minute. It drives She Who Must Be Obeyed up the wall. Which is probably one of the reasons I do it. But not the main one.
I'm hoping that the road trip with my 10-year old son goes like clockwork, although given my luck with traveling lately, I am fully expecting it to go pear shaped.
Which should be interesting as "mini-me" has the tolerance of a small, mentally challenged nat.
At the first hint of something going pear shaped, he will be at the counter, waving both arms.
Like always, I will attempt to dull the pain with plenty of alcohol.
None of what I have just told you is faintly anywhere near as important as this though. My wife, in her ultimate wisdom, suggested that since the boy and I were going to be traveling for close on 30-hrs together, that it might be a good idea to have the "S" talk. You know, the father and son talk. The birds and the bees. You get the idea.
I fail to see why. He already knows more than I do.
God help me…it's going to be a long ride.
We just checked in at Changi. Found the Premium SATS counter to check-in at, bags have been tagged all the way to ORD (probably be the last we see of them for weeks), and we hoofed it to the TG lounge.
Number One Son promptly threw his hands in the air in disgust at the lack of food. So here we are at the EK lounge (even though we're not flying EK at all) and His Highness is drinking soda and eating crap, while trying to hack the EK wireless network with his PSP thingy...
Meanwhile, I am trying to summons the courage to begin "the talk" by consuming a very nice bottle of Semillon Chardonnay...courtesy of The Sheik.
I shall report in when I get to BKK. If I make it...
^^^
Dec 13, 2010, 11:58 pm
#3
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Upcountry Maui, HI
Posts: 13,311
Keep it coming eightblack.
I hope you don't have to recheck your bags in ORD. Usually you check them through to your final destination, don't you? (even though you have to get them in ORD for customs, if they are already checked through to MBS you would just put them back on the baggage recheck thing after customs.)
-David
I hope you don't have to recheck your bags in ORD. Usually you check them through to your final destination, don't you? (even though you have to get them in ORD for customs, if they are already checked through to MBS you would just put them back on the baggage recheck thing after customs.)
-David
Last edited by iluv2fly; Dec 14, 2010 at 12:20 am Reason: off-topic
Dec 14, 2010, 7:20 pm
#4
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: CAE,AGS
Programs: AAExP, Hyatt Globalist, HHonors Gold, IHG Spire, Marriott Plat
Posts: 3,124
Thanks for yet another great chapter in the Tale of Eightblack!
I lift my own glass of wine in salute - cheers! (and have a great time with your son!)
I lift my own glass of wine in salute - cheers! (and have a great time with your son!)
Dec 17, 2010, 11:54 am
#12
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Portland, OR
Programs: NW Plat (now they call it DL Diamond) 1MM, soon to be DL Plat, Hilton Diamond, SPG Gold, Dusit Gold
Posts: 2,706
Four days already
Four days have gone by and some of us are wondering if you fell into the abyss of the International Date Line.
Tell us that you are safe in Bangkok where the son is experiencing the birds and bees experience. That is politically correct in Australlliah, right? As they say in LA, just the facts Maahm!
Please tell us more.
Tell us that you are safe in Bangkok where the son is experiencing the birds and bees experience. That is politically correct in Australlliah, right? As they say in LA, just the facts Maahm!
Please tell us more.
Dec 17, 2010, 7:32 pm
#15
Join Date: Sep 1999
Location: SF Bay Area
Programs: UA 1K MM, Accor Plat, Htz PC, Natl ExEm, other random status
Posts: 2,876
OMFG - this is fantastic. Can't wait for the next tranche.
Could I make the request of a brief digression to let the readers know how you and SWMBO's in-laws first met? I need inspiration for a screenplay I'm working on...
Greg
Could I make the request of a brief digression to let the readers know how you and SWMBO's in-laws first met? I need inspiration for a screenplay I'm working on...
Greg