patrickjb

So I'm running into a scheduling predicament really for the first time, thankfully. I have a work conference in Cleveland from a Friday AM to Sunday PM, but I have to attend my soon to be wife's Bridal Shower that Sunday afternoon in Boston.

Leaving the meetings early won't be a problem, but as this is a pretty huge moment for her - and as my in laws put it, "I have to be there". How soon should I come home as a precaution? There are direct flights that come back to Boston departing at 5:30PM Saturday evening, or Sunday morning arriving at 10:48AM. Shower ends at 1:30PM on Sunday, I could get to that easily on the Sunday AM flight, but if it's cancelled/delayed- I'm SOL.

My gut tells me to come home Saturday night just to be safe, and risk the comments from co-workers. But this got me thinking, have you ever missed something monumental due to travel? Have you ever cut it really close to something you definitely should not have missed?

jamflyer

I had to read this 5 times - to be clear, its your soon to be wife's bridal shower and your in-laws are telling you that you must be there? Why?

FearFree

My sentiments exactly. Isn't the bridal shower traditionally a ladies event?

If you absolutely have to be there however, book the Sat night flight. Hopefully that leaves you covered in the event of any cancellations or delays with the Sunday morning flight as a backup.

Sam I Am

Leave the night before. And if weather looks bad, get to the airport early. If you wait until Sunday morning and anything goes wrong (mechanical, weather, whatever) you're out of options. If something goes wrong on Saturday, you have options.

patrickjb

Most Bridal Showers around here, that I've heard of - the guy attends the end to say thanks for the gifts.

If it were a perfect world, I wouldn't have to go and I'd be in Vegas that weekend, not Cleveland.

djk7

This sounds like a warm up for your married life, get used to your in laws telling you what to do.

bigshooter

are the in laws paying for the wedding? if not don't go... its a ladies event. Guys have been known to show up at the end of baby showers to carry the gifts out to the car though... is this a combo event?

Segments

I agree this seems to set a tone for your marriage. Bridal showers are typically ladies only. Occasionally there are co-ed bridal showers but you should be at those for the entire event not just making an appearance at the end.

If your future in-laws are demanding your appearance then shouldn't your work schedule have been considered when setting the date?

CarolynUK

I would politely point out that the work requirement takes priority over a social engagement.

The "you have to be there!" would be understandable if you were at home and had no other more pressing engagements, but as you are a fair distance away on a work related conference, your in-laws should be far more understanding - particularly if the shower had been arranged after the conference was booked.

Id never have expected my husband (to be) to show up at what is usually a girls only event!

FlyingUnderTheRadar

I would first talk to co-workers to see what you might miss Sat PM that might impact your work. If no impact go home Sat night. If there are meetings then plan to go home Sun am. At the same time, explain to your bride your plans and that you plan to at least be there at the end.

As for bridal showers and who attends. It all depends. If a girls only then it seems the appropriate thing is to show up at the end so those who have not had chance to meet you can do so. Some have a mixed shower where male friends attend.

There are also wedding showers. I have been to one. Never quite understood those.

powerlifter

My wife and I have a saying business is business nothing personal gets it the way. My wife was having her 30th birthday on a monday. On friday afternoon my boss told me to make plane fare arrangements to be in St. Thomas on Sunday to be there for thirty days. My wife was not a happy camper, but I made it up by flying her down for a long weekend later in the month. I have to agree with the posters above this is a female event, and I would never show up at all. As far as the in-laws tell them do you want a son-in -law that provides for their daughter or one that is fired because I dissed the company at a conference your choice.

manneca

I'm female, albeit a bit long in the tooth. I've never heard of guys showing up for a bridal shower. And granted there are some personal events that take precedence over business, but I just can't see a shower taking precedence over a business meeting. Unless you are depending on your in-laws to take care of you financially, I'd blow them off. Get the Sunday flight, if something happens, blame it on the airline.

kwilbz

I'm a female and just got married a few months ago (complete with a round the world first class trip thanks to FT). I had a female only shower but my husband and dad did come at the end. I have a big family and my now husband hadn't met everyone yet (we had lived across the country) so it was a more relaxed setting than a wedding to do so. My advice - ask your soon to be wife. If she wants you there and you can easily get out of your other commitments leave your event the night before and make your best effort to make it back. If she doesn't care and the work event is important stay or pick a travel schedule that is a bit more risky but gives you more time for work. The wedding and all the other events leading up to it are about the two of you and the commitment you are making to work together and compromise for the rest of your life. Lots of people will have lots of opinions along the way so try not to forget that!!

Segments

OP indicates that the business event runs through Sunday PM, so even taking a morning flight means missing part of the conference.

You mentioned your future in law's expectations... What about the bride to be? As a manager I try to be flexible around employee personal commitments but if the conference was scheduled first ... Need to consider both the impact of your absence (to others, to conference objectives) and if external conference then the fees spent for something you are blowing off. Have you / are you planning to ask for other consideration regarding time off for the wedding/ honeymoon? (eg. Advance on vacation or extra unpaid days, missing a critical business event)

BOShappyflyer

Leave Saturday. I don't know - I went to a good friend's bridal shower and was surprised the groom was there the whole time (to say thanks and to support the now wife since it was a big event and a decent sized group -- they rented a hotel conference/breakfast area to do it. I thought it was strange but I also thought was very nice touch of him to be there. They are both very sweet and considerate people.