RobbieRunner

There is the one from "Good Will Hunting" that can't be repeated here.

Then there is....

Blonde lady sits in first class. FA comes up to her and says "Maam, you have to move. You are not seated here, you are in coach."
Lady says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm sitting in THIS SEAT all the way to Buffalo."

FA calls the senior F.A. She says "Maam, you really have to move. You are seated in coach not first class."
Lady says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm sitting in THIS SEAT all the way to Buffalo."

Senior FA alerts the Captain. He comes back, whispers in the Blonde's ear. She jumps up and runs back to coach.

Senior FA says, "What did you tell her, Captain?"

Captain says, "I told her First Class was NOT going to Buffalo, only Coach was!"

OK, it's not great, but it's a start. Any others?

Gamecock

How about a helicopter joke at the expense of US Marines?
Or maybe it's a Marine joke at the expense of helicopters.

(This is really a visual joke, use your imaginations)

Q What does the Army call the US-60 Helicopter?
A A Blackhawk

Q What does the Navy call the UH-60?
A The Seahawk

Q What do the Marines call the UH-60?
A Here's this visual part: Point in the air with great excitment and grunt several times like a caveman.

Kevin AA

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
stopped, turned around and returned to the
gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight
attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he
heard in the engine," he explained.

"Did you fix the noise?" asked the passenger.

"No. It just took us awhile to find a new pilot."

guv1976

Wirelessly posted (BlackBerry8530/5.0.0.601 Profile/MIDP-2.1 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 VendorID/417)

Rumored to be a true story from the 60's or 70's:

A very fussy passenger seated in First Class is served his dinner entree, which includes a baked potato. The passenger finds something wrong with the potato, and starts whining to the FA: "Miss! Miss! My potato's bad!" Whereupon the FA picks up the offending spud, and while holding it in the palm of her left hand, slaps it twice with her right, saying, "Bad potato. Bad potato." She then returns the potato to the passenger's plate and moves on.

pinworm

Two hillbillys are flying on a 747.

An engine goes out, and the pilot comes on the pa: "Sorry folks, we lost an engine but it just means we will get into Little Rock about 1 hour behind"

A few minutes later, a second engine goes out, and the pilot comes on the pa: "Me again folks, well, we've lost another engine. It means that we will be about 2 hours late"

A few minutes after that, a third engine goes out and the pilot says "Well folks, looks like we are going to be 3 hours late"

One hillbilly turns to the other and says "Bubba, if that there number 4 engine quits, this flight is gonna be at least 9 hours late"

mookie10

Quite an old joke:

An airplane was about to crash - there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I'm Andres Iniesta, the world's number 1 footballer. FIFA needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former President Of the United States , I am the most ambitious woman in the world. I am also New York Senator and a potential future President." She took the 2nd parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, Robert Mugabe, said, "I'm President of Zimbabwe and I have millions of helpless people who always look to me for guidance. Above all I'm the cleverest President in African history, and Africa's people won't let me die". So he put on a pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, Nelson Mandela, says to the fifth passenger, a 9 year old school boy, "I'm old and have lived a fruitful life - God will decide my fate, so I'll let you have the last parachute".

The boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you - Africa's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag".

Have seen a version with Mugabe replaced by a recent US President, but thought I better limit the politics on FT.....

mookie10

Ryanair chief Michael O'Leary is attempting to buy a pint of beer at his local bar. He remarks on it being competitively priced. �So it is, sir, so it is� replies the barman: �Will you want a glass with it?�

aroundtheworld76

A little boy says to his mother: " When I grow up, I want to be an airline pilot."

Mother responds:"Don't be silly son, you can't do both."

Captain Schmidt

Little old lady who's a little nervous of flying asks the purser for some reassurance.
"Do these planes crash often?"
"No, just the once madam".

QueenOfCoach

And then there is this from the Flyer Talk Hall of Fame:

"What? You won't upgrade me? Do you know who I am?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a passenger at the podium who does not know who he is. Is there anyone here who can assist him?"

Newbies might see "DYKWIA" in messages and might wonder what that means. Now you know.

Sopwith

Following company policy, the Captain was standing in the cockpit door saying goodbye to the deplaning passengers after a particularly bumpy landing. As she passes by, a little old lady asked him, "Was that a hard landing or did we get shot down?"

SomeGuy

I've always heard this as a blonde joke. And the last line reads "If that last engine goes out, we're going to be up here forever."

Sopwith

Q: What's the quickest way to become a millionaire?

A: Start off as a billionaire and buy an airline.

uszkanni

An old one...

Johnson, de Gaulle and Nassar are travelling together on a plane and, after awhlie, they get to wondering where they are. Johnson sticks his hand out of the window and says "We're over Washington DC; I just touched the White House." A little later, they get to wondering again and this time de Gaulle sticks his hand out of the window and says, "We're over Paris; I just touched the Eiffle Tower." A few hours later, Nassar sticks his hand out of the window and says, "We're over Cairo; someone just stole my watch."


But the "best" airline joke was Northwest.

uszkanni

Another old one...

Pilot comes on the intercom and says, "Coach passengers please deplane via the rear exit." A bit later s/he announces, "Business passengers please deplane via the middle exit." And a little bit later, "First class passengers, we'll be landing in 5 minutes."