mad_atta

Part 1: Planning

As many of you know, life ain’t always easy when you’re a status-chasing travel addict. Having finally reached the giddy heights of Air Canada Elite (and therefore Star Gold) last year, the prospect of returning to zero status for 2005 was troubling indeed. So, when the middle of the year rolled around with only 15,000 status miles under my belt (and with a couple of weeks of annual leave and four ill-gotten Star Alliance UK standby upgrade certs burning a hole in my pocket) I decided that drastic action was needed. Where to go? What to do? On which airlines? And with whom?

In a burst of alliteration, I decided that my travel wishlist for this year comprised China, Cuba, Cambodia and Chile. However, the first setback was discovering that my lovely boyfriend had no intention of accompanying me on my trip to these far-flung destinations. With a house sale to oversee, chaos at work thanks to a company takeover, and lacking sufficient annual leave (not to mention my tolerance for long flights and convoluted itineraries), he announced he’d be staying firmly at home. However, knowing how useful it is to have a *G in the family (and that he’ll no doubt get half the benefit of any miles earned), he said that he was happy for me to go anyway.

I then turned to a great friend of mine who works in NZ for foreign affairs, and who is always pestering me to go to exotic places with her. Together we concocted a brilliant plan to fly to China via Cambodia (to see Angkor Wat) in August/September, achievable on Thai in upgradeable economy for a reasonable price. As the date grew closer with nothing booked, it unfortunately transpired that she didn’t have quite the funds she thought she did, while I realised I didn’t have the time, thanks to a copywriting course I was attending being postponed by a month, which caused our trip to clash with her commitment to be in New York (representing NZ in the annual Human Rights session of the UN) for the whole of October.

However, all was not lost. Being the lateral thinking type, she suggested that I come and enjoy hanging out in New York with her, since it would be a crime to waste the opportunity of free accommodation in the heart of Manhattan. Great idea, I thought, and set about finding fares that would also allow me to visit my brother in Colorado and meet my two young nieces for the first time. Having soon discovered that there was not much price difference between such a ticket and a RTW (which would have the major advantage of booking into upgradeable fare classes) I naturally decided that circumnavigating the globe was in order and that a Star Lite 26,000 mile ticket was just what I needed.

With the help of various luminaries of the *A board, notably the ever-charming Al B, I set about planning my itinerary. I wanted to maximise my flights on Air Canada, with whom I had SWU’s to burn, and to ensure that my *A upgrades went to airlines whose premium cabins I actually wanted to try (which was a flaw of the original plan flying Thai). I also decided that this trip would be a great chance to visit a friend in Vancouver I hadn’t seen for years, and to see how my aunt in the UK was getting on (as my uncle died mid-year). Things were made a little more challenging by the discovery that my brother and family would be in Florida rather than Colorado at that time (26,000 miles to go RTW from Sydney doesn’t give you all that much leeway), and by my own determination to visit somewhere I hadn’t been before (much as I love living in Oz, I crave seeing new places, but the investment of time and $$$ to fly from here can sometimes be prohibitive).

After a few false starts, the final itinerary was born:
SYD-HNL-YVR (AC) 1 night in Vancouver
YVR-ORD-TPA (UA) 3 nights in Florida
TPA-PHL-LGA (US) 6 nights in New York
JFK-LHR (UA) 2 nights in UK
LHR-CPH (RG) CPH-PEK (SK) 2 nights in Beijing (my ‘haven’t been before’ destination)
PEK-ICN-SYD (OZ) Home sweet home!

By most people’s standards this was to be a whirlwind RTW at only 17 days long, though of course by FT standards that is relatively leisurely. With ticket purchased, Chinese visa procured and leave approved, all that remained was the anticipation – and with two new airlines to fly, various new airports and a whole new country to visit, friends and family to see and the prospect of a business class upgrade or two, there was no shortage of that!

(more to follow...)

mad_atta

Part 2: Preflight

Driven by the need to make the most of my limited supply of annual leave, I was scheduled to depart Sydney on a Saturday morning. The Air Canada gurus warned me that Saturday was a disastrous day for trying to confirm upgrades on AC34 to Vancouver, with often heavy loads up front and the likelihood of various Super Elites being ahead of me in the upgrade queue. Still, I didn’t have the luxury of flexibility, so I trusted in the mercy of the upgrade gods (and the gamble that early October was far from peak time for travel in either direction on that route). With rising anticipation I watched the loads on AC34 fluctuate each day. Two weeks before departure there were only four unsold business class seats on the entire aircraft and I briefly despaired, but as luck would have it there was still availability when the 4 day upgrade window rolled around. Seat 4D was now mine, so at least the first 17 hours of my trip would be in comfort.

This, as it turned out, was a very good thing because I had discovered that Faithless were playing in Sydney on the night before my departure, supported by one of my favourite bands Way Out West. Ignoring the prudent advice of those around me, who warned that a big night out is probably not wise when you have to be at the airport at 8:00am the next day, I naturally bought a ticket. Surely, I reasoned, it was not beyond my powers to be already packed and organised before the concert, and to ensure that I didn’t overdo it on the night?

Sadly, though perhaps predictably, this proved not to be the case. With the usual pre-holiday panic at work plus a parental visit taking up much of my time that week (not to mention my characteristic procrastination and disorganisation), my packing was still only in the most elementary stages when concert time rolled around. Undeterred, I had a great time at the concert. Rather too great, in fact: let’s just say that I overindulged a little, and that it was a somewhat dishevelled mad_atta who stumbled home to pack at about 3a.m. Since my brain had apparently already reached cruising altitude, it was with rather more alacrity than attention that I set about packing for my trip. Somehow I contrived to throw everything in my backpack, set my alarm clock correctly and get a couple of hours of “sleep” before leaping out of bed rather less enthusiastically than I had leapt in.

Miraculously managing to leave the house by 8:00am complete with passport, credit card, upgrade vouchers and all other sundries in my possession, and pausing only briefly to rush back inside to retrieve my mobile phone, I soon found myself being whisked down the freeway to the airport on a beautiful Sydney spring morning. The sun was shining, the traffic was light, and at last my RTW adventure was beginning…

Gnopps

How great to read your trip report, I really like your writing. And to see someone buying RTW in Y sure makes FT seem closer to me..

McKaye

Great start for a trip report. keep on writing! I got plans for an *A RTW in Y too...

blairvanhorn

Looking forward to following your "status-chasing" trip ...

Kiwi Flyer

Great report so far mad_atta - looking forward to the rest.

Kiwi Flyer

friendly bump

(hoping you actually made it on the plane!!)

mad_atta

Part 3: Sydney to Vancouver

It’s not often that I am up and about much before midday on a Saturday. Happily, it would appear that many share my misgivings about rising early at the weekend, so with very little traffic around we made it to the airport in about 20 minutes (despite the continued closure of the Woolloomooloo onramp to the Eastern Distributor tunnel, thanks to the Cross City Tunnel roadworks, which cuts about 5 minutes off our journey time when open).

Wandering up to the Air Canada counters, I was greeted by a lengthy line of tired looking people in the economy queue (which I mentally reminded myself to call a “line-up”, since Canadians often don’t seem to know what I mean if I say “queue”) and a gratifyingly short line (1 person, in fact) at the Executive First / Star Gold counter. When I reached the front, I was struck by the calm precision with which the agent completed the check-in process. I derived a certain pleasure from actually being able to use one of the many AC SWU upgrades that usually clutter my bedside drawer unused, and a rather greater pleasure from receiving en Executive First boarding pass in return. In a refreshing change from most check-in experiences, the agent didn’t assume that I knew everything, so she ensured that I knew that I could use the lounge and where it was, and she even pointed out that I could use any of the Star Alliance lounges but that boarding calls would only be made to the Air New Zealand lounge. She also let me know that the concierge would be escorting passengers down to the aircraft around half an hour before departure.

Passport control and security were extremely quick, friendly and efficient – for *once* I was not ‘randomly’ chosen for the explosives check just after security – and after a brief detour into Duty Free to pick up some over-proof Bundaberg rum for my brother (I’d be excommunicated if I didn’t bring him some) I found my way to the delightful Air New Zealand lounge. I must admit, I’m very fond of this place - not only is it an excellent lounge, with expansive views, good food and drink and plenty of space, but I also associate it with the that happy “I’m going on holiday” pre-trip excitement – and as I was to discover on this trip, it leaves almost all other Star lounges in the shade. Today, however, I was just happy to find the breakfast buffet, my last proper meal having been lunch the day before. Helping myself to juice, fruit salad, yoghurt and a cup of Earl Grey (figuring that there’d be plenty of opportunity for drinking champagne and eating less healthy foods once onboard) I settled into a comfortable armchair by the window and contemplated my good fortune: normally when seated here I’m just nipping over to New Zealand for a few days, but this time I was headed to places that, to me at least, were far more exotic.

In due course our flight was called for boarding, and the Air Canada concierge appeared to shepherd us down to the aircraft. It seemed that my fellow passengers were predominantly grey-haired and overweight, so our progress to the gate was at a somewhat geriatric pace. I wandered on ahead, to discover a half-hearted secondary security check. My hand luggage was “searched” (or, more accurately, opened and closed – I think they didn’t like their chances of successfully squeezing all the contents back in!) but I’m not sure whether that was random or if all cabin baggage was searched. Not to worry, I was soon striding down the airbridge to the waiting 767.

AC34 SYD – HNL
Dep Saturday 9th October 2004 10:00am
Arr Friday 8th October 2004 11:50pm
Journey time 9h 40m
Boeing 767-300, Executive First, Seat 4D (then 4F)

As I stepped on board I was greeted by a friendly and smiling crew. They noted my boarding pass, and asked me if I minded moving to 4F, as they had been doing some seating reshuffling so that a couple could sit together. As I had remembered from my previous trip on an Air Canada 767-300 (which was in rather less comfort down at the back of the bus), the Executive First cabin is not particularly attractive, with rather squat, old fashioned seats upholstered in various bilious shades of green, but it certainly is spacious, with 60” pitch. With 2 + 2 + 1 seating, I did think the seats would be a bit wider, but the strange boxes next to the single seats (clearly visible in the linked picture) rob a good 6 inches of cabin width - does anyone know what they are for?

I’ve read some complaints about the 767 Executive First seats being a bit tired and lumpy, and as I first settled into my new home for the next 15 or so hours of flying time I was alarmed to discover that there was in fact an uncomfortable lump pressing into my lower back. Luckily, fiddling with the lumbar control soon fixed the problem. I certainly couldn’t fault the amount of personal space and I found the seat fairly comfortable, though some parts seemed somehow firmer than one would expect and others softer. Still, it sure beat my last seat on one of these. My seatmate was a businessman who was more interested in chatting to his colleague in 3A, which was fine with me as in my current state holding a coherent conversation wasn’t really an option. Instead, I amused myself by observing my fellow travellers and the rest of the cabin, and got my first taste of that almost unnaturally perky and upbeat (to us Australasians, anyway) North American style of service. This was apparent right from the first exchange with the FA who came to offer me a pre-departure drink. Our conversation went something like this:This was typical of the service on the entire flight: while I certainly couldn’t fault the friendliness or attentiveness, the constant tinkling laughter and almost rictus-like grins of these fairly mature ladies was almost a little scary (in fact I started to suspect the entire crew was on happy pills... but don’t get me wrong, I’ll cheerfully take take big but scary smiles any day over the Prison Matrons™ that some other Star airlines are famed for). What really *was* downright scary was the extraordinary hairdo that one FA was sporting: imagine a bouffant Marge Simpson number that was blonde rather than blue, and instead of being vertical (which would never do in an aircraft cabin) protruded horizontally behind her. Even after 10 hours in the air this carefully cantilevered coiff hadn’t drooped at all – I can only imagine what space age products are required for such a gravity-defying feat.

All this (plus perhaps a teensy refil of the champagne, which was really rather good) was more than enough to keep me entertained until our on-time pushback. As we powered into the blue sky over Sydney, I realised that the crew’s antics were probably more entertaining than the official IFE, which appeared rather lacking – somehow I had failed to realise that AC does not have PTVs on its 767s, even in Executive First, and the mainscreen entertainment was a lacklustre selection. I did wonder whether they had personal DVD players, but a rummage through the seat pocket failed to turn up any references to entertainment choices other than the main screen, so I resigned myself to watching Harry Potter while I ate my lunch, and turned to the menu instead. Here’s what I found:

By the time I’d perused that lengthy list, the FA’s were up and about and offering us drinks. Suspecting (correctly, as it turned out) that the wines on offer weren’t very inspiring, and fearing (probably also correctly) that in my weakened state I probably shouldn’t be drinking any spirits, I did the only sensible thing and had another glass of champagne. My glass of bubbles appeared with admirable despatch: happy pills and hilarious hairdos or not, this was obviously an efficient crew. The purser also came around to take our lunch orders, and to give us information about the flight. I liked the way that she crouched down at each seat so that she was at the eye level of the passengers as they were seated.

Shortly after that our tables were set for lunch, and our appetiser choices served. This was quite a slow process, with those in the single seats (who were served last) only receiving their appetisers about the time that others were getting their main courses – beware of those seats if you’re starving. I had chosen the pumpkin timbale, since I wasn’t feeling particularly carnivorous, but it turned out to be a bit dull and woody, so I didn’t finish it. The Febus chardonnay didn’t help matters much either, as it was stolid, over-oaked stuff. Happily, things picked up from there, with the salmon proving to be quite a moist and tasty concotion, though I found it odd to have bacon in a fish dish. A bread basket did the rounds a few times, with a range of reasonably interesting breads but none as appealing as the delicious olive bread that NZ serve in business class (and I also missed the olive oil they serve with it). A cheese cart appeared next with some dried fruit, followed by the dessert. I opted for the triple chocolate mousse, which was good stuff but a bit heavier than I expected of something described as mousse. The FA’s were very attentive at clearing away plates etc and proactively offering passengers a second helping or post-prandial drink. All in all, a respectable and enjoyably unhurried meal service, though not the finest fare I’ve enjoyed in the air. I think I have read somewhere that the meal service on transatlantic flights is more elaborate than on the Australia services, though I had no complaint with the service style. It wouldn’t take much to improve the wine list and add a little more flair to the food and you’d have a world beater.

Reclining my seat a little and popping a Sominex, I attempted to continue watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. To be fair on the film, I wasn’t in top shape to be sitting through such an epic, but I don’t find the Harry Potter movies particularly engaging at the best of times – they somehow fail to capture the books’ lightness of touch (though that seems to be evaporating too with each ever more weighty tome). In any event, I quickly decided that Hogwarts seemed more like hogwash to me, and in desperation inspected the contents of the amenity kit for some amusement while waiting for my sleeping pill to kick in. The kit was an oblong pale green and white bag, tastefully branded in the usual bilingual Air Canada fashion with Executive First / Super Affaires. In the zip-up front mesh pocket were various ‘Deserving Thyme’ products: Temple balm (apparently you rub it on your temples to give yourself a boost – figuring I needed all the help I could get, I tried it, and was nonplussed), Lip balm (excellent stuff, I’m still using it), Lemon Lavender Geranium Rehydrating lotion (I’ve just tried some on my hand and although it smells lovely, but not sure I’d risk it on my face – I’m a Lancome Lad through and through), Orange & Green Tea Facial spritz (even *I* wouldn’t use this in public) and a pair of earplugs of the sort that I find impossible to squeeze into my ears. In the main zip-up section were a cheap and nasty face bra (luckily I brought my own luxuriously padded Air New Zealand number), a pair of socks (also cheap and nasty, but so are all free airline socks, and they served their purpose well enough), a slightly random piece of absorbent cloth (which I suspect you’re supposed to impregnate with one of the aforementioned unguents), a neat toothbrush and toothpaste set in a clear plastic sleeve (what my mother would charmingly refer to as a French Letter), a Do Not Disturb sticker, a couple of Frisk sugar free mints, and some Deserving Thyme advertising bumf (apparently we were heading for “Destination: Calm!” via the “Transportation Vehicle: Deserving Thyme Aromatherapeutic Products”). Marketing hype aside, not a bad little amenity kit.

mad_atta

Exhausted by all the marketing speak, I decided it was time for sleep. On with the face bra, in with the ear plugs, back with the seat and I was happily in la la land for the next 3 or 4 hours. Of all the seats I tried on this trip, this was the best for sleeping in, though the recline didn’t seem quite as good as I had expected from the 60” pitch, and the footrest had the annoying habit of sinking to the floor if you put too much pressure on it. Nevertheless, it was a much more refreshed mad_atta who awoke, so much so that once I had washed my face and drunk some water, I decided that it was time to try one of AC’s special cocktails. Today’s cocktail was the ‘Jetstream’, made with Iceberg Vodka, lemonade, orange and cranberry juice, and it was delicious. I have to confess that I may have had several of these, because I don’t remember a great deal about the rest of the flight. I know that at some point another light meal was served, which from memory was a choice between a hot stir-fry dish or a cold chicken club sandwich. I had the sandwich, which was pretty good. I also noticed that some passengers were watching movies on portable DVD players, so having stolen the list of movies available from my seatmate (it turned out they had forgotten to put a movie list in my seat pocket, which is why I didn’t find out about the DVD players earlier, though I was a little surprised that the FAs didn’t mention it) I chose the second instalment of the Matrix trilogy, which turned out to be only marginally more entertaining than Harry Potter. In what would turn out to be something of a pattern on this trip, I didn’t have time to finish the movie, as surprisingly soon we were commencing our descent into Honolulu. For a nearly 10 hour flight, this one certainly went by quickly. (I know what you’re thinking, it wasn’t just the Jetstream cocktails – we were actually nearly half an hour early landing in Honolulu.)

I wasn’t particularly looking forward to my transit in Honolulu, since based on my previous experience I expected a sticky bus ride to a dreary and mostly closed terminal. I also knew that I was about to experience the joys of being fingerprinted and iris-scanned by US immigration in return for the pleasure of transiting through their underdeveloped airport. As it turned out, we docked at gate 24 (or was it 25?) so we were spared the bus ride, and US immigration turned out to be speedy, friendly and efficient, and less than five minutes after the aircraft door opened I was roaming the terminal in search of the JAL lounge. I’m not sure why AC uses this non-Star Alliance lounge instead of the Air New Zealand lounge next door – they are both pretty unremarkable places, though I think the NZ lounge at least had the virtue of a better food and drink selection. After helping myself to some juice and reading a Canadian newspaper, I decided to get some fresh air and stretch my legs. For all my disparaging comments about HNL (such as the 1970s concrete décor, the fact that the shops were all closed, and the only open food outlet being a nasty kiosk selling various disgusting and unhealthy things) I do like its open air design, which allows one to escape the tyranny of air conditioning for a while. I’m also quite fond of the open air garden, though it is unfortunately not open or properly illuminated at night.

After a few brisk laps of the terminal to get the blood circulating, and watching the departure of Air New Zealand’s 767-300 bound for Auckland, I headed back to our gate, having been warned by the purser that if at all possible the flight would probably depart early for Vancouver. Boarding was well under way by the time I got there, and I sent a quick text message to my friend in Vancouver to warn her that we might be early, but as it turned out we pushed back only a few minutes ahead of schedule.

AC34 HNL – YVR (continuation)
Dep Saturday 9th October 1:20am
Arr Saturday 9th October 2004 10:00am
Journey time 5h 40m
Boeing 767-300, Executive First, Seat 4F

As I settled back into 4F, the difference in cabin crew was immediately noticeable, and not just because of the absence of Marge Simpson’s doppelganger – sadly, the smiles and enthusiasm were also missing in action. Bring back the happy pills! Having said that, the crew were efficient enough and didn’t give any real cause for complaint, but the contrast in attitude was very obvious. (In the interest of journalistic integrity, I should point out that it’s also possible that mad_atta might have been getting a mite tired and tetchy by this point. While to the casual observer I was of course still a model of charm and urbanity, the fact that I declined my customary pre-flight champagne in favour of a frugal glass of water would have betrayed to those who know me well that I was perhaps not feeling myself.)

What I certainly was feeling by that stage was in need of food, and I was slightly alarmed to discover that no food would be served until breakfast time, 1.5 hours before arrival in Vancouver. Knowing that I needed all the sleep I could get, I persuaded the FA to open the snack tray early (before the drinks service) so I could grab an apple and a glass of water before attempting to get some more sleep. By this stage my body clock was in open revolt, and it took at least an hour and another Sominex before I managed to drift off again. When I awoke, the breakfast service was finished (unfortunately I have mislaid the menu, so I can’t tell you what was on offer) and we were on descent into a damp and cloudy Vancouver. As we touched down with uncommon gentleness for a 767 (I’ve heard that these are difficult aircraft to land smoothly, which may be an old wife’s tale but I’ve certainly had more than my share of rough landings in them) I reflected on the fact that I’d left Sydney at 10.00am on Saturday, travelled 7,772 miles in 17 hours to cross the largest expanse of water in the world, and arrived in Vancouver only to find that it was still 10.00am on Saturday. Not a bad morning’s work, I mused, for one who rarely rises before midday!

Kiwi Flyer

OMG am I reading right - the mad_atta turned down decent free grog for water!

Good stuff ^^

MrSydney

Mad_Atta

We are deeply shocked!!! You drinking water ......do you know what that stuff is.....girlfriend.....its a mixer....you have it with scotch...anything...but stand along......I don't think so!

B-HXB

Nice report ^

Flew on an AC763 myself from AKL-SYD when QF were wet leasing them for the QF120 run... now the purser on that flight was scary; she stomped through the cabin like an elephant hunting down an errant gazelle.

But the seat width certainly seemed very generous... as for the hard landings, ever tried landing on an A340? The 763's are mag by comparison

sadiqhassan

Great Report - Thanks, a pleasure to read ^

LOL I wish my flights has such entertaining cabin crew