Back to Israel on United BusinessFirst
Jul 14, 2014, 7:47 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 2,403
Back to Israel on United BusinessFirst
I make this trip once or twice a year, so I do hope that my trip report isn't redundant. I've therefore decided that truth is inconsequential, and I'll pepper the story with various lies to make it more interesting. If you're skeptical about the part where I get knighted and perform karaoke with John Kerry well—you should be skeptical.
From Seattle, there are no perfect choices to Tel Aviv. El Al would always be my preference, but they're so much more expensive. And I'm sort of a slave to MileagePlus, so United it is.
Given United's operational performance and summer weather, I actually planned overnights in Newark both directions in order to avoid delays and cancellations.
Fun with United's 1K Desk
After purchasing the ticket, I noticed that there was one of those, "a change has been made to your itinerary" messages. Sure enough, I was put on a flight that didn't exist. It was a mysterious redeye from Seattle to Newark via Houston. I tried to book a seat on it because I was so baffled. Sure enough, it did not show up. Ghost flight?
I called the 1K desk to see if they could find a flight that actually existed. The agent was of "Saturday Night Live" quality. He said, "Now I can put you on a flight through Indiana." Wary of this, I said, "Indiana? Do you mean IAD, Washington/Dulles?" He said, "Oh, yeah. I always thought that was in Indiana."
When I suggested a nonstop, he said, "Oh, that flight doesn't have seats on it." I explained that I was looking at the web site, and that there were multiple seats open in F, P, an Z class. "Oh, I'm not looking at a computer," he replied. I assume he was reading Highlights for Children. Sometimes those word searches can get you stumped!
I eventually emailed United. And within a matter of hours they had me rebooked, and gave me choice of an early morning nonstop, or a somewhat later flight via Chicago, which I selected. They said that they usually don't rebook via email, but I had my "ducks in a row," and apologized for the less-than-impressive phone service.
I kept imagining the 1K guy as a surgeon. "Tina? Where's the spleen at again? Did you say it was on the RIGHT? Uh-oh. I always thought…"
Radisson Seattle Tacoma International Airport
For the sake of parking and reduced stress, I decided to stay overnight at the Radisson. The Hilton, my preferred property, was full. The Radisson is considerably more expensive, and it's nowhere near as nice.
On the plus side, I had dinner at the bar, which I thought was amazing. The service, the quality of the salmon, and the value for money were outstanding. Maybe I was just really hungry, but that was a really impressive dinner. I made small talk with the semi-drunk people next to me. They were happy drunk, so I didn't mind.
SEA-TAC
The Radisson really is just a short walk to the United check in counters, which were deserted. A friendly agent checked me in, and I headed to the Alaska Airlines Bored Room. It's crowded there, but they have decent coffee, juice, and their famous pancake machine. I'm not a pancake enthusiast, so I turned that down.
Amid travel-related stress, I watched a woman go completely nuts on her 10- or 11-year-old son, who wanted to watch television. Some families really don't travel so well. I hoped they were going someplace where her son could get away, his mother could receive psychotherapy, or they could review the Alaska Airlines lounge scene with dolls. The captain has turned on the Ativan sign for this woman.
UA618 SEA-ORD
Seat 1B
A320
It's always nice to be greeted with a warm welcome. In this case, it was a hug from two Seattle-based flight attendants who know me. They were off to a great start of a three-day trip, and clearly enjoyed working with one another. Typical of Seattle-based crews, they had all been flying for far more than 20 years.
We were on time (a shock). The service was an unsurprising choice of an omelet or cereal, and I chose the latter. The service was attentive, friendly, and consistent.
One of the flight attendants joked that I was "binge watching" Nurse Jackie. Guilty as charged. She also noticed that I had my eyes on the guy in 2E. Also guilty. We discussed how it would be too hard to "accidentally" spill a drink from 1B to 2E. That would sort of defy physics. Wherever you are, 2E, I think we could have a future together.
UA1471 ORD-EWR
Seat 1B
757-200
After a quick visit to the United Club, I made my way to the wrong gate. There was another 1400-series flight to Newark, and the door was closed. I sh** a shark, so to speak. But then realized that it was a different flight number.
1471 is an odd flight. It's an international-configured, s-CO plane. It comes from Shannon, Ireland. I liked the fact that it came with dinner on a short flight, and—of course—the beauty of the BusinessFirst seat on a domestic leg. I love BusinessFirst on the 757 (others may disagree.)
The crew was polite, smiling, but indifferent. They didn't hold a candle to my friends on the first segment.
Dinner consisted of (surprise!) a chicken salad or beef burrito. I decided to forego the main course and have tortilla soup, which was as good as always. And the cookie was pretty good too.
We were once again punctual, and I liked relaxing in that seat.
Upon arrival, my bag did not come off the belt, and I started to cringe. But a kind woman at the baggage service desk said that I needed to go to the "QOH" counter.
There was a long wait at the "QOH" counter, but the agent was actually tremendously friendly and got my bag in an instant, wishing me a pleasant trip.
I Googled "QOH," it stands for "Quick on Hold." I have no idea how my bag ended up there, but a crisis was averted.
Renaissance Newark Airport
Just about everyone endorsed the Renaissance, and I do not question their advice.
It is a total pain to get to hotels at the Newark Airport. Even though the AirTrain was broken, I used FlyerTalk advice and walked to the "P4" shuttle bus area. It's quite close to the C terminal.
Just as I arrived, the shuttle bus pulled away, not stopping for anyone else. So this meant a total of 1h15 from arrival at the gate to boarding the shuttle. The Renaissance is sort of "jumping distance" from the airport, but it's long, bumpy, and infrequent shuttle bus trip.
All of this improved once I got to the hotel. The room was recently refurbished, large comfortable, and you could hear a pin drop in there.
I enjoyed a good meal and multiple beers at the rather nice restaurant.
The following day, I slept in, worked out, went for a swim, and that was more than adequate.
I ran into the Seattle crew at the Renaissance, so we spent some time chatting and laughing. They gave me hugs all around, and wished me a good trip back to Israel.
Newark
I headed upstairs to the Premier/1K/BusinessFirst check in. There was no line at all, and an agent had my bag tagged and on my way in seconds.
I had just enough time to grab a drink at the C3 United Club before heading to C138.
The additional security check for Tel Aviv flights is sort of an art form. There is no separate BusinessFirst line, so one has to time it out. In other words, wait a while. Sure enough, there was only one person in front of me. As always, the security people were ridiculously friendly exchanging jokes and pleasantries. I don't think they actually turn on the metal detector, but whatever.
I immediately got in line for the usual document check, and the agent said, "Yeah, they're not doing that anymore." We joked about how this changes every month. It was an agent I recognized, and he's a good guy.
Boarding was swift, and perhaps extra swift because I was in the first row.
UA84 EWR-TLV
Seat 8B
EWR-TLV
Contrary to many experiences, we were right on time. The flight was full, but there were no scuffles with boarding, mechanical delays, or any other dramas.
The crew, as always, appeared to be quite senior. They were polished, calm, and attentive. I asked for a beer, but the woman serving my section insisted that I wait because she wanted to ice it down. "I know men and beer," she said, "and I will not serve you warm beer."
As far as I could tell, there were no "speakers" on this flight. Perhaps it was close to the July 4th holiday, or some other snag. But there is usually a speaker serving the A/B side of the "A" cabin. On this flight, announcements were in English only (save for Hebrew subtitles on the safety video.)
The crew's relaxed nature also led to a relaxed cabin atmosphere. In fact, there were no threatening announcements about "congregating in galleys," and they underplayed the "30-minute rule" for flights into Tel Aviv, explaining that we'd probably be seated anyway. It was definitely the "friendly skies."
Sure enough, 15 minutes into the flight there was someone needing medical attention. How is it that I always seem to be sitting right by the person who gets sick? Am I some magnet for this?
In this case, it was a child, and I'm not a pediatrician (everyone just thinks I am... I think it's because I'm really short.) Anyway, I used my best judgment and established that the child was okay, the parents needed reassurance, and I just went back to check on them a few times. Crisis averted. No need to go back and land.
The menu hasn't changed much over time, but I'm not complaining. I love the spice-rubbed chicken—it's one of my favorites. Although I'm not much of a cheese person, the grapes were especially good on this flight.
Arrival at Ben Gurion
Since we landed on Shabbat, the airport was very quiet. Aware that the line at immigration can be daunting, I hustled off the plane.
As usual, the immigration officer was a hostile, snippy, life-hating harpy. But maybe that's too charitable of a description. I spoke to her mostly in English. She asked which relatives I still had in Israel. She inquired as to why my grandmother didn't still live there, and I explained that she died. The immigration officer asked, "why?" I shot her a look, and she stopped asking questions. It was only a 120-second transaction, but it's always so obnoxious. I can't imagine why she's single.
Bags took about ten minutes, and I didn't have any hassles with customs nor getting a taxi.
Hotel Arthur, Jerusalem
I hate to make a glowing recommendation in fear that the place will get booked up again. I adore the Arthur. Although some say that paying with miles is a bad idea, I rather liked the fact that I used MileagePlus to pay for the room.
The only problem is getting there. It's on a street that one cannot access by car. I know how to get there, but this got into a war of "who knows better" between me and the cab driver. He got lost several times, and he was not interested in my suggestions. He seemed peeved that I was actually correct. I wonder if that cab driver might be interested in a like-minded immigration officer.
Anyway, I was welcomed back to the Arthur by its stellar staff. I had a phenomenal room with a balcony overlooking the city. It was a large, comfortable room with an amazing bed and classy furnishings.
The Arthur, and its affiliated hotels, all offer wine and hors d'oeuvres, as well as a nice breakfast as part of the room rate. It's not only pleasant; it's a great way to socialize with other guests. It makes for an even more pleasant stay.
Jerusalem
It was a joy to be back, as always. I met up with a fellow FlyerTalker, who was also there. And I befriended a family from my former hometown, Melbourne, Australia. Two of their kids were sick, so I ended up back in why-am-I-a-pediatrician? mode. Fortunately, these were minor illnesses.
I joined the family on a tour through Nikbat Hashiloah, a 1/3 mile tunnel from the 8th century BCE.
The tour featured a tour guide, who belonged on a television comedy show. Her rhinestone belt and bottle blonde hair were a nice start. It was also abundantly clear that two of her physical attributes were not factory installed.
When I told her where I lived in America, she said that she was "raised by Canadians." I'm not sure what I was supposed to do with that information. She must be fun at parties.
The tour guide spent a lot of time talking about herself. We all found the stories about her sore foot to be riveting. She also had some more-than-disturbing racist comments. Several of us had ideas of strangling her with the rhinestone belt.
It was certainly a sober time to be in Jerusalem, as all of us mourned the deaths of three Israeli and one Palestinian teenager. I attended two memorial services.
Tel Aviv
I'm stuck in a pattern, and always seem to end up at the Sheraton Tel Aviv. Although it's never a bargain, there are good deals for pay-in-advance rates, among other discounts. I was given a massive room facing north toward the pool and Mediterranean. There was a large living room, and a large, comfortable bed. Although unlikely to win any design awards, the room was immaculate and very comfortable.
The Sheraton has consolidated its club lounges into one, and it's both larger and nicer than its predecessor, particularly because it has a balcony.
The staff throughout the Sheraton were their usual selves: I don't think it's possible to make them stop smiling. They're unerringly friendly and approachable.
The only bummer was that they used to provide a bottle of wine as a "room-warming" gift. This has since been replaced with dry cookies. The fact that I ate the entire box of dry cookies is inconsequential. I missed the wine. It wasn't even especially good wine; I just thought it was a nice gesture. Maybe they'll rethink that.
I spent my time on the beach with friends, played a little matkot (beach tennis), and soaked up as much sunshine as possible.
Despite the uprising in hostilities in the Arab/Israeli conflict, I was very much at peace and very happy to be back in Tel Aviv.
Ben Gurion Airport
I had read news stories about efforts to increase security on US-bound flights, particularly for passengers with iPhones. Doesn't most of the world own an iPhone? Anyway, I was dreading some sort of security nightmare. But that was not the case.
As the taxi passed through the initial checkpoint, we were waved past, and I wasn't stopped entering the building either.
There was a brief wait for a security agent, but he had only two or three questions. My passport is plastered with "number 1" stickers. If I haven't hijacked or blown up a plane the last eight times, I'm probably unlikely to do so this time around.
Ben Gurion now has behind-the-scenes screening for checked baggage, so I don't know if my bag was x-rayed or not. (They often skipped mine in the past.)
There was also a brief wait to check in, but this was completed by a friendly "IAS" ground handling agent.
Passport control and security were lightning speed, so I was from curbside to airside in less than fifteen minutes.
The Dan Lounge on Concourse C is being renovated (this is a good idea); so I used the alternate Dan Lounge. For the first time, I was actually greeted with a smile at the lounge. It's nothing to write home about it, but it was a fine place to wait.
Boarding was quick and punctual. The security guy just asked (in Hebrew) if I had any liquids. A simple "no" was adequate. No need for iPhone demonstrations or bag searches.
United 85 TLV-EWR
Seat 1K
777-200
I was bummed that row 8 was sold out, but 1K isn't so bad. It's near a galley, but there is a corridor separating the cabin from the galley, so it's neither bright nor loud.
There were multiple "speakers" on this flight, including one taking meal orders. Sadly, I did not get my meal choice. He was taking orders as passengers boarded, hence the problem (everyone wanted pasta or chicken.) So I decided to forego the main course, aware that there would be plenty of food.
For the first time in ages, the ISM/purser came around and introduced herself, and the flight attendant serving my section introduced herself as well. I'm so happy to see this small courtesy back in the skies. In fact, the flight attendant in our area was a French speaker, and she handled everything with calm and sincerity. It was good to fly with her.
Nobody even mentioned the "30 minute" rule, and—once again—no announcements about "congregating."
We made an expeditious departure for the reasonably short, 11h30 flight to Newark.
Likewise, the breakfast out of Tel Aviv is the best meal in the United/Continental system. It comes with warm brown bread, sour yogurt, labneh, granola, and fresh fruit. I love that meal, and I hope it never changes.
Time passed very quickly despite some turbulence over Labrador and the Maritimes.
Arrival at Newark
We parked at C120, and our aircraft was destined for Delhi. I was greeted in the immigration hall by a screaming woman: "Visitors this way! If you're not from the USA this way!" Someone find the duct tape. I'm not sure if United contracts these people, or if the PANYNJ is responsible. They're pretty bad at most US airports, but that's not an excuse.
There was perhaps a 15-minute wait for bags… it's always a particularly long wait because one is forbidden from using an iPad or phone. So there is little to pass the time.
There was no line at the Global Entry lane, and some grumpy officer glared at me, said nothing, and sent me on my way. I wanted to ask him if he had thought about antidepressants. He seemed to be Prozac-deficient.
The Renaissance Reprise
With my perfect timing, I just missed the shuttle bus again. Good job! The shuttle bus depot was filled with tired, cranky travelers.
The Renaissance itself was in disarray. The formerly quiet hotel had been consumed by what was described as a, "Nigerian Business Event." Oh my. It was ridiculous. Every corner of that hotel was filled with a Nigerian family. I can't imagine that they were all staying at the Renaissance, but it was a mess.
The hallways were strewn with half-eaten cake, congealing room service trays, and other signs that the hotel couldn't handle it. I wasn't in the mood to complain, and I got the impression that the hotel was caught off guard.
I had the same room as my previous visit, on the top floor. From my window, I could see an El Al 777. This was a tremendous cruelty. I wanted to yell, "take me back!"
My little sister drove down from Connecticut to meet me, so we fled to Hoboken for drinks and dinner.
We spent the following day at some sort of state park, which has a manmade lake. The people-watching was phenomenal. Every Jersey stereotype was presented to us in broad daylight. The two of us got to eavesdrop on a woman who was clearly planning to meet an online paramour later that day.
The Renaissance had cleared out and returned to normal by the afternoon. It has one major snag: no coffee shop. Although the bar and restaurant are quite nice, there is nowhere to grab an espresso or anything in the afternoon! So we settled on Starbucks at the airport itself; hardly ideal.
Newark, again
The Premier/1K/First Class check in was completely empty, and a happy agent checked my bag.
After a coffee with my sister, I headed through security. It was really quite friendly. No yelling, a lot of "how are you doing?" "Hi," etc. I was impressed.
Perhaps the caffeine had not quite kicked in, I got in the line to enter Starbucks thinking it was the entrance to the United Club. Oops, jetlag.
I told this to the United Club reception desk staff, who thought it was hilarious. They pointed out that Starbucks has better coffee. They wanted to know just how far I got before I realized I was in the wrong place. Let's not comment further, shall we?
UA1064 EWR-SEA
Seat 1B
737-800
Boarding was quick and friendly, but the fun stopped there. The CSM/purser had the look of death in her eyes. This woman did not want to be at work (I hear that Customs and Border Protection is hiring.) She was assisted by some sort of goon who displayed a visible, unrelenting bitterness. You could not crack a smile out of these people with a crowbar.
The saving grace was the woman serving in the first class aisle position. She actually smiled, said "please" and "thank you," and didn't give the impression that she had active suicidal or homicidal ideation.
Aware that "Asian Beef" or "Pasta with Tomato Sauce" were the likely choices, I brought my own sandwich that I bought in the airport. There is nothing wrong with those meals; I just get sick of them.
This was a 737-800 with overhead monitors only and no in-seat power, but my iPad was more than capable of keeping me entertained for the 5h30 flight across the country.
We were delayed on the tarmac for close to 30 minutes with no announcements or explanation. Why bother thinking about it? I was just happy when we took off.
The remainder of the flight was quiet, and the extra-bitter lady was back in the main cabin, presumably poking children with a stick. If you know who Miss Viola Swamp is, I applaud you for getting the reference.
SEA-TAC
I know how long it takes for bags to arrive, so I prepare myself with an iPad and a jarful of patience. Indeed, it was close to 30 minutes. I will never be able to figure this out. Are they surprised when a plane arrives? Do they know the schedule? Are they short staffed?
Conclusion
Another great trip back to Israel. Despite the occasional goofiness (the phone agent, Miss Viola Swamp,) United did a good job. The planes were clean and comfortable. The food was decent, and I didn't encounter any serious delays.
I remain loyal to the Arthur Hotel and the Sheraton despite the bait-and-switch issue with the wine and cookies. And the Renaissance is actually fine, but one must prepare for the brutality of the shuttle bus and the risk of a "Nigerian Business Convention."
From Seattle, there are no perfect choices to Tel Aviv. El Al would always be my preference, but they're so much more expensive. And I'm sort of a slave to MileagePlus, so United it is.
Given United's operational performance and summer weather, I actually planned overnights in Newark both directions in order to avoid delays and cancellations.
Fun with United's 1K Desk
After purchasing the ticket, I noticed that there was one of those, "a change has been made to your itinerary" messages. Sure enough, I was put on a flight that didn't exist. It was a mysterious redeye from Seattle to Newark via Houston. I tried to book a seat on it because I was so baffled. Sure enough, it did not show up. Ghost flight?
I called the 1K desk to see if they could find a flight that actually existed. The agent was of "Saturday Night Live" quality. He said, "Now I can put you on a flight through Indiana." Wary of this, I said, "Indiana? Do you mean IAD, Washington/Dulles?" He said, "Oh, yeah. I always thought that was in Indiana."
When I suggested a nonstop, he said, "Oh, that flight doesn't have seats on it." I explained that I was looking at the web site, and that there were multiple seats open in F, P, an Z class. "Oh, I'm not looking at a computer," he replied. I assume he was reading Highlights for Children. Sometimes those word searches can get you stumped!
I eventually emailed United. And within a matter of hours they had me rebooked, and gave me choice of an early morning nonstop, or a somewhat later flight via Chicago, which I selected. They said that they usually don't rebook via email, but I had my "ducks in a row," and apologized for the less-than-impressive phone service.
I kept imagining the 1K guy as a surgeon. "Tina? Where's the spleen at again? Did you say it was on the RIGHT? Uh-oh. I always thought…"
Radisson Seattle Tacoma International Airport
For the sake of parking and reduced stress, I decided to stay overnight at the Radisson. The Hilton, my preferred property, was full. The Radisson is considerably more expensive, and it's nowhere near as nice.
On the plus side, I had dinner at the bar, which I thought was amazing. The service, the quality of the salmon, and the value for money were outstanding. Maybe I was just really hungry, but that was a really impressive dinner. I made small talk with the semi-drunk people next to me. They were happy drunk, so I didn't mind.
SEA-TAC
The Radisson really is just a short walk to the United check in counters, which were deserted. A friendly agent checked me in, and I headed to the Alaska Airlines Bored Room. It's crowded there, but they have decent coffee, juice, and their famous pancake machine. I'm not a pancake enthusiast, so I turned that down.
Amid travel-related stress, I watched a woman go completely nuts on her 10- or 11-year-old son, who wanted to watch television. Some families really don't travel so well. I hoped they were going someplace where her son could get away, his mother could receive psychotherapy, or they could review the Alaska Airlines lounge scene with dolls. The captain has turned on the Ativan sign for this woman.
UA618 SEA-ORD
Seat 1B
A320
It's always nice to be greeted with a warm welcome. In this case, it was a hug from two Seattle-based flight attendants who know me. They were off to a great start of a three-day trip, and clearly enjoyed working with one another. Typical of Seattle-based crews, they had all been flying for far more than 20 years.
We were on time (a shock). The service was an unsurprising choice of an omelet or cereal, and I chose the latter. The service was attentive, friendly, and consistent.
One of the flight attendants joked that I was "binge watching" Nurse Jackie. Guilty as charged. She also noticed that I had my eyes on the guy in 2E. Also guilty. We discussed how it would be too hard to "accidentally" spill a drink from 1B to 2E. That would sort of defy physics. Wherever you are, 2E, I think we could have a future together.
UA1471 ORD-EWR
Seat 1B
757-200
After a quick visit to the United Club, I made my way to the wrong gate. There was another 1400-series flight to Newark, and the door was closed. I sh** a shark, so to speak. But then realized that it was a different flight number.
1471 is an odd flight. It's an international-configured, s-CO plane. It comes from Shannon, Ireland. I liked the fact that it came with dinner on a short flight, and—of course—the beauty of the BusinessFirst seat on a domestic leg. I love BusinessFirst on the 757 (others may disagree.)
The crew was polite, smiling, but indifferent. They didn't hold a candle to my friends on the first segment.
Dinner consisted of (surprise!) a chicken salad or beef burrito. I decided to forego the main course and have tortilla soup, which was as good as always. And the cookie was pretty good too.
We were once again punctual, and I liked relaxing in that seat.
Upon arrival, my bag did not come off the belt, and I started to cringe. But a kind woman at the baggage service desk said that I needed to go to the "QOH" counter.
There was a long wait at the "QOH" counter, but the agent was actually tremendously friendly and got my bag in an instant, wishing me a pleasant trip.
I Googled "QOH," it stands for "Quick on Hold." I have no idea how my bag ended up there, but a crisis was averted.
Renaissance Newark Airport
Just about everyone endorsed the Renaissance, and I do not question their advice.
It is a total pain to get to hotels at the Newark Airport. Even though the AirTrain was broken, I used FlyerTalk advice and walked to the "P4" shuttle bus area. It's quite close to the C terminal.
Just as I arrived, the shuttle bus pulled away, not stopping for anyone else. So this meant a total of 1h15 from arrival at the gate to boarding the shuttle. The Renaissance is sort of "jumping distance" from the airport, but it's long, bumpy, and infrequent shuttle bus trip.
All of this improved once I got to the hotel. The room was recently refurbished, large comfortable, and you could hear a pin drop in there.
I enjoyed a good meal and multiple beers at the rather nice restaurant.
The following day, I slept in, worked out, went for a swim, and that was more than adequate.
I ran into the Seattle crew at the Renaissance, so we spent some time chatting and laughing. They gave me hugs all around, and wished me a good trip back to Israel.
Newark
I headed upstairs to the Premier/1K/BusinessFirst check in. There was no line at all, and an agent had my bag tagged and on my way in seconds.
I had just enough time to grab a drink at the C3 United Club before heading to C138.
The additional security check for Tel Aviv flights is sort of an art form. There is no separate BusinessFirst line, so one has to time it out. In other words, wait a while. Sure enough, there was only one person in front of me. As always, the security people were ridiculously friendly exchanging jokes and pleasantries. I don't think they actually turn on the metal detector, but whatever.
I immediately got in line for the usual document check, and the agent said, "Yeah, they're not doing that anymore." We joked about how this changes every month. It was an agent I recognized, and he's a good guy.
Boarding was swift, and perhaps extra swift because I was in the first row.
UA84 EWR-TLV
Seat 8B
EWR-TLV
Contrary to many experiences, we were right on time. The flight was full, but there were no scuffles with boarding, mechanical delays, or any other dramas.
The crew, as always, appeared to be quite senior. They were polished, calm, and attentive. I asked for a beer, but the woman serving my section insisted that I wait because she wanted to ice it down. "I know men and beer," she said, "and I will not serve you warm beer."
As far as I could tell, there were no "speakers" on this flight. Perhaps it was close to the July 4th holiday, or some other snag. But there is usually a speaker serving the A/B side of the "A" cabin. On this flight, announcements were in English only (save for Hebrew subtitles on the safety video.)
The crew's relaxed nature also led to a relaxed cabin atmosphere. In fact, there were no threatening announcements about "congregating in galleys," and they underplayed the "30-minute rule" for flights into Tel Aviv, explaining that we'd probably be seated anyway. It was definitely the "friendly skies."
Sure enough, 15 minutes into the flight there was someone needing medical attention. How is it that I always seem to be sitting right by the person who gets sick? Am I some magnet for this?
In this case, it was a child, and I'm not a pediatrician (everyone just thinks I am... I think it's because I'm really short.) Anyway, I used my best judgment and established that the child was okay, the parents needed reassurance, and I just went back to check on them a few times. Crisis averted. No need to go back and land.
The menu hasn't changed much over time, but I'm not complaining. I love the spice-rubbed chicken—it's one of my favorites. Although I'm not much of a cheese person, the grapes were especially good on this flight.
TO BEGIN
Chilled Appetizer
Jumbo shrimp with seafood cocktail sauce
Fresh Seasonal Greens
Tomatoes, Kalamata olives, bell pepper, baby mozzarella and croutons with your choice of creamy garlic dressing or balsamic vinaigrette
MAIN COURSE
Tenderloin of Beef
Asiago broth, brown butter gnocchi and green asparagus
Spice-rubbed Breast of Chicken
Mustard barbecue sauce, steamed rice, mixed vegetables, and pickled cabbage
Filet of Amazon Cod
Mixed vegetable ratatouille
Tri-color Ravioli
Cherry tomato sauce and herbed butternut squash with Parmesan cheese
TO FINISH
International Cheese Selection
Grapes and crackers with Portal Late Bottled Vintage Porto 2008
Dessert
Ice cream with your choice of toppings
PRIOR TO ARRIVAL
An appetizer of smoked peppered salmon and salmon-cream cheese roulade with your choice of:
Cheddar Cheese Omelette
Broccoli-potato gratin and asparagus
or
Cereal and Banana
Served with milk
Fresh fruit appetizer, yogurt, and breakfast breads
Chilled Appetizer
Jumbo shrimp with seafood cocktail sauce
Fresh Seasonal Greens
Tomatoes, Kalamata olives, bell pepper, baby mozzarella and croutons with your choice of creamy garlic dressing or balsamic vinaigrette
MAIN COURSE
Tenderloin of Beef
Asiago broth, brown butter gnocchi and green asparagus
Spice-rubbed Breast of Chicken
Mustard barbecue sauce, steamed rice, mixed vegetables, and pickled cabbage
Filet of Amazon Cod
Mixed vegetable ratatouille
Tri-color Ravioli
Cherry tomato sauce and herbed butternut squash with Parmesan cheese
TO FINISH
International Cheese Selection
Grapes and crackers with Portal Late Bottled Vintage Porto 2008
Dessert
Ice cream with your choice of toppings
PRIOR TO ARRIVAL
An appetizer of smoked peppered salmon and salmon-cream cheese roulade with your choice of:
Cheddar Cheese Omelette
Broccoli-potato gratin and asparagus
or
Cereal and Banana
Served with milk
Fresh fruit appetizer, yogurt, and breakfast breads
Arrival at Ben Gurion
Since we landed on Shabbat, the airport was very quiet. Aware that the line at immigration can be daunting, I hustled off the plane.
As usual, the immigration officer was a hostile, snippy, life-hating harpy. But maybe that's too charitable of a description. I spoke to her mostly in English. She asked which relatives I still had in Israel. She inquired as to why my grandmother didn't still live there, and I explained that she died. The immigration officer asked, "why?" I shot her a look, and she stopped asking questions. It was only a 120-second transaction, but it's always so obnoxious. I can't imagine why she's single.
Bags took about ten minutes, and I didn't have any hassles with customs nor getting a taxi.
Hotel Arthur, Jerusalem
I hate to make a glowing recommendation in fear that the place will get booked up again. I adore the Arthur. Although some say that paying with miles is a bad idea, I rather liked the fact that I used MileagePlus to pay for the room.
The only problem is getting there. It's on a street that one cannot access by car. I know how to get there, but this got into a war of "who knows better" between me and the cab driver. He got lost several times, and he was not interested in my suggestions. He seemed peeved that I was actually correct. I wonder if that cab driver might be interested in a like-minded immigration officer.
Anyway, I was welcomed back to the Arthur by its stellar staff. I had a phenomenal room with a balcony overlooking the city. It was a large, comfortable room with an amazing bed and classy furnishings.
The Arthur, and its affiliated hotels, all offer wine and hors d'oeuvres, as well as a nice breakfast as part of the room rate. It's not only pleasant; it's a great way to socialize with other guests. It makes for an even more pleasant stay.
Jerusalem
It was a joy to be back, as always. I met up with a fellow FlyerTalker, who was also there. And I befriended a family from my former hometown, Melbourne, Australia. Two of their kids were sick, so I ended up back in why-am-I-a-pediatrician? mode. Fortunately, these were minor illnesses.
I joined the family on a tour through Nikbat Hashiloah, a 1/3 mile tunnel from the 8th century BCE.
The tour featured a tour guide, who belonged on a television comedy show. Her rhinestone belt and bottle blonde hair were a nice start. It was also abundantly clear that two of her physical attributes were not factory installed.
When I told her where I lived in America, she said that she was "raised by Canadians." I'm not sure what I was supposed to do with that information. She must be fun at parties.
The tour guide spent a lot of time talking about herself. We all found the stories about her sore foot to be riveting. She also had some more-than-disturbing racist comments. Several of us had ideas of strangling her with the rhinestone belt.
It was certainly a sober time to be in Jerusalem, as all of us mourned the deaths of three Israeli and one Palestinian teenager. I attended two memorial services.
Tel Aviv
I'm stuck in a pattern, and always seem to end up at the Sheraton Tel Aviv. Although it's never a bargain, there are good deals for pay-in-advance rates, among other discounts. I was given a massive room facing north toward the pool and Mediterranean. There was a large living room, and a large, comfortable bed. Although unlikely to win any design awards, the room was immaculate and very comfortable.
The Sheraton has consolidated its club lounges into one, and it's both larger and nicer than its predecessor, particularly because it has a balcony.
The staff throughout the Sheraton were their usual selves: I don't think it's possible to make them stop smiling. They're unerringly friendly and approachable.
The only bummer was that they used to provide a bottle of wine as a "room-warming" gift. This has since been replaced with dry cookies. The fact that I ate the entire box of dry cookies is inconsequential. I missed the wine. It wasn't even especially good wine; I just thought it was a nice gesture. Maybe they'll rethink that.
I spent my time on the beach with friends, played a little matkot (beach tennis), and soaked up as much sunshine as possible.
Despite the uprising in hostilities in the Arab/Israeli conflict, I was very much at peace and very happy to be back in Tel Aviv.
Ben Gurion Airport
I had read news stories about efforts to increase security on US-bound flights, particularly for passengers with iPhones. Doesn't most of the world own an iPhone? Anyway, I was dreading some sort of security nightmare. But that was not the case.
As the taxi passed through the initial checkpoint, we were waved past, and I wasn't stopped entering the building either.
There was a brief wait for a security agent, but he had only two or three questions. My passport is plastered with "number 1" stickers. If I haven't hijacked or blown up a plane the last eight times, I'm probably unlikely to do so this time around.
Ben Gurion now has behind-the-scenes screening for checked baggage, so I don't know if my bag was x-rayed or not. (They often skipped mine in the past.)
There was also a brief wait to check in, but this was completed by a friendly "IAS" ground handling agent.
Passport control and security were lightning speed, so I was from curbside to airside in less than fifteen minutes.
The Dan Lounge on Concourse C is being renovated (this is a good idea); so I used the alternate Dan Lounge. For the first time, I was actually greeted with a smile at the lounge. It's nothing to write home about it, but it was a fine place to wait.
Boarding was quick and punctual. The security guy just asked (in Hebrew) if I had any liquids. A simple "no" was adequate. No need for iPhone demonstrations or bag searches.
United 85 TLV-EWR
Seat 1K
777-200
I was bummed that row 8 was sold out, but 1K isn't so bad. It's near a galley, but there is a corridor separating the cabin from the galley, so it's neither bright nor loud.
There were multiple "speakers" on this flight, including one taking meal orders. Sadly, I did not get my meal choice. He was taking orders as passengers boarded, hence the problem (everyone wanted pasta or chicken.) So I decided to forego the main course, aware that there would be plenty of food.
For the first time in ages, the ISM/purser came around and introduced herself, and the flight attendant serving my section introduced herself as well. I'm so happy to see this small courtesy back in the skies. In fact, the flight attendant in our area was a French speaker, and she handled everything with calm and sincerity. It was good to fly with her.
Nobody even mentioned the "30 minute" rule, and—once again—no announcements about "congregating."
We made an expeditious departure for the reasonably short, 11h30 flight to Newark.
TO BEGIN
Chilled Appetizer
Marinated prawns with seafood cocktail sauce
Fresh Seasonal Greens
Tomato, cucumber, onion and olives with your choice of creamy horseradish dressing or cilantro lime vinaigrette.
MAIN COURSE
Tenderloin of Beef
Truffle sauce, mashed potatoes, snow peas and roasted pumpkin
Saffron-braised Breast of Chicken
Almond-cherry sauce, rice with lentils and carrots
Sea Bass with Pickled Lemons and Spinach
Vegetable sauce, herbed couscous with chickpeas and braised fennel
Mushroom-filled Tortellini
Chive and lemon cream sauce and sautéed mushrooms with Parmesan cheese
TO FINISH
International Cheese Selection
Grapes and crackers with Portal Late Bottled Vintage Porto 2008
Dessert
Ice cream with your choice of toppings
MID-FLIGHT SNACK
Assorted Sandwiches
Beef salami
Cheese
Apple Lattice Tart
PRIOR TO ARRIVAL
An appetizer of smoked salmon, labneh cheese and garnishes with your choice of:
Parmesan Cheese Omelette
Rosemary potatoes, bell pepper and scallion
or
Cereal and Banana
Served with milk
Fresh fruit appetizer, yogurt and breakfast breads
All hail the apple lattice tart! I know, it probably comes frozen for $3 from some foodservice supplier, but I friggin' love the apple lattice tart. Thank you, flight 85, for always supplying me with the apple lattice tart.Chilled Appetizer
Marinated prawns with seafood cocktail sauce
Fresh Seasonal Greens
Tomato, cucumber, onion and olives with your choice of creamy horseradish dressing or cilantro lime vinaigrette.
MAIN COURSE
Tenderloin of Beef
Truffle sauce, mashed potatoes, snow peas and roasted pumpkin
Saffron-braised Breast of Chicken
Almond-cherry sauce, rice with lentils and carrots
Sea Bass with Pickled Lemons and Spinach
Vegetable sauce, herbed couscous with chickpeas and braised fennel
Mushroom-filled Tortellini
Chive and lemon cream sauce and sautéed mushrooms with Parmesan cheese
TO FINISH
International Cheese Selection
Grapes and crackers with Portal Late Bottled Vintage Porto 2008
Dessert
Ice cream with your choice of toppings
MID-FLIGHT SNACK
Assorted Sandwiches
Beef salami
Cheese
Apple Lattice Tart
PRIOR TO ARRIVAL
An appetizer of smoked salmon, labneh cheese and garnishes with your choice of:
Parmesan Cheese Omelette
Rosemary potatoes, bell pepper and scallion
or
Cereal and Banana
Served with milk
Fresh fruit appetizer, yogurt and breakfast breads
Likewise, the breakfast out of Tel Aviv is the best meal in the United/Continental system. It comes with warm brown bread, sour yogurt, labneh, granola, and fresh fruit. I love that meal, and I hope it never changes.
Time passed very quickly despite some turbulence over Labrador and the Maritimes.
Arrival at Newark
We parked at C120, and our aircraft was destined for Delhi. I was greeted in the immigration hall by a screaming woman: "Visitors this way! If you're not from the USA this way!" Someone find the duct tape. I'm not sure if United contracts these people, or if the PANYNJ is responsible. They're pretty bad at most US airports, but that's not an excuse.
There was perhaps a 15-minute wait for bags… it's always a particularly long wait because one is forbidden from using an iPad or phone. So there is little to pass the time.
There was no line at the Global Entry lane, and some grumpy officer glared at me, said nothing, and sent me on my way. I wanted to ask him if he had thought about antidepressants. He seemed to be Prozac-deficient.
The Renaissance Reprise
With my perfect timing, I just missed the shuttle bus again. Good job! The shuttle bus depot was filled with tired, cranky travelers.
The Renaissance itself was in disarray. The formerly quiet hotel had been consumed by what was described as a, "Nigerian Business Event." Oh my. It was ridiculous. Every corner of that hotel was filled with a Nigerian family. I can't imagine that they were all staying at the Renaissance, but it was a mess.
The hallways were strewn with half-eaten cake, congealing room service trays, and other signs that the hotel couldn't handle it. I wasn't in the mood to complain, and I got the impression that the hotel was caught off guard.
I had the same room as my previous visit, on the top floor. From my window, I could see an El Al 777. This was a tremendous cruelty. I wanted to yell, "take me back!"
My little sister drove down from Connecticut to meet me, so we fled to Hoboken for drinks and dinner.
We spent the following day at some sort of state park, which has a manmade lake. The people-watching was phenomenal. Every Jersey stereotype was presented to us in broad daylight. The two of us got to eavesdrop on a woman who was clearly planning to meet an online paramour later that day.
The Renaissance had cleared out and returned to normal by the afternoon. It has one major snag: no coffee shop. Although the bar and restaurant are quite nice, there is nowhere to grab an espresso or anything in the afternoon! So we settled on Starbucks at the airport itself; hardly ideal.
Newark, again
The Premier/1K/First Class check in was completely empty, and a happy agent checked my bag.
After a coffee with my sister, I headed through security. It was really quite friendly. No yelling, a lot of "how are you doing?" "Hi," etc. I was impressed.
Perhaps the caffeine had not quite kicked in, I got in the line to enter Starbucks thinking it was the entrance to the United Club. Oops, jetlag.
I told this to the United Club reception desk staff, who thought it was hilarious. They pointed out that Starbucks has better coffee. They wanted to know just how far I got before I realized I was in the wrong place. Let's not comment further, shall we?
UA1064 EWR-SEA
Seat 1B
737-800
Boarding was quick and friendly, but the fun stopped there. The CSM/purser had the look of death in her eyes. This woman did not want to be at work (I hear that Customs and Border Protection is hiring.) She was assisted by some sort of goon who displayed a visible, unrelenting bitterness. You could not crack a smile out of these people with a crowbar.
The saving grace was the woman serving in the first class aisle position. She actually smiled, said "please" and "thank you," and didn't give the impression that she had active suicidal or homicidal ideation.
Aware that "Asian Beef" or "Pasta with Tomato Sauce" were the likely choices, I brought my own sandwich that I bought in the airport. There is nothing wrong with those meals; I just get sick of them.
This was a 737-800 with overhead monitors only and no in-seat power, but my iPad was more than capable of keeping me entertained for the 5h30 flight across the country.
We were delayed on the tarmac for close to 30 minutes with no announcements or explanation. Why bother thinking about it? I was just happy when we took off.
The remainder of the flight was quiet, and the extra-bitter lady was back in the main cabin, presumably poking children with a stick. If you know who Miss Viola Swamp is, I applaud you for getting the reference.
SEA-TAC
I know how long it takes for bags to arrive, so I prepare myself with an iPad and a jarful of patience. Indeed, it was close to 30 minutes. I will never be able to figure this out. Are they surprised when a plane arrives? Do they know the schedule? Are they short staffed?
Conclusion
Another great trip back to Israel. Despite the occasional goofiness (the phone agent, Miss Viola Swamp,) United did a good job. The planes were clean and comfortable. The food was decent, and I didn't encounter any serious delays.
I remain loyal to the Arthur Hotel and the Sheraton despite the bait-and-switch issue with the wine and cookies. And the Renaissance is actually fine, but one must prepare for the brutality of the shuttle bus and the risk of a "Nigerian Business Convention."
Jul 15, 2014, 2:14 pm
#4
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 2,403
Squinting on a sunny day in Tel Aviv
Yafo Street, Jerusalem
Old City, Jerusalem
Kotel and Al-Aqsa
On my balcony at the Sheraton Tel Aviv
Along the Hayarkon River in Hayarkon Park after Kaballat Shabbat services, Tel Aviv
My balcony at the Arthur Hotel, Jerusalem
View of the Sheraton Tel Aviv pool and onward to Gordon Beach
Memorial service at Zion Square, Jerusalem
Tel Aviv, the "White City," looking north from Hayarkon and Gordon Streets
Yafo Street, Jerusalem
Old City, Jerusalem
Kotel and Al-Aqsa
On my balcony at the Sheraton Tel Aviv
Along the Hayarkon River in Hayarkon Park after Kaballat Shabbat services, Tel Aviv
My balcony at the Arthur Hotel, Jerusalem
View of the Sheraton Tel Aviv pool and onward to Gordon Beach
Memorial service at Zion Square, Jerusalem
Tel Aviv, the "White City," looking north from Hayarkon and Gordon Streets
Last edited by Mats; Jul 15, 2014 at 2:22 pm
Jul 16, 2014, 12:24 pm
#8
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Feb 2012
Programs: AAdvantage Executive Platinum, Delta Silver Medallion, Marriott Bonvoy Ambassador
Posts: 14,110
Oh, and since you are a pediatrician, you may be amused to know that I avoided chicken pox as a child, then contracted it as an adult (in my 30s). I had no idea what was going on: I had this strange rash, and the most awful headache I had ever had in my entire life (and given that I suffer from migraines, I am not kidding here). Chicken pox . . . as an adult. I wanted to die.
Jul 16, 2014, 4:31 pm
#9
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Over the Bay Bridge, CA
Programs: Jumbo mas
Posts: 38,638
While the first thing I though of when I saw the title was "I bet UA served chilled shrimp appetizer" both ways, what I wasn't expecting was seeing
MID-FLIGHT SNACK
Assorted Sandwiches
Beef salami
Cheese
on the menu. It just looks wrong on a flight from TLV. Does UA have a special "non-kosher" kitchen at TLV? Does the Treif Express truck pull up to the plane? I'm not kosher, I don't know a lot of kosher people, and even those that I do that keep kosher in the house, most eat treif outside of the house, but some just never eat shellfish or pork, and some never mix milk and meat. The menu just seems so "in your face" especially with the lack of appetizer choice.
As for the rest of your trip, I just wish I had more opportunity to visit Israel more frequently.
MID-FLIGHT SNACK
Assorted Sandwiches
Beef salami
Cheese
on the menu. It just looks wrong on a flight from TLV. Does UA have a special "non-kosher" kitchen at TLV? Does the Treif Express truck pull up to the plane? I'm not kosher, I don't know a lot of kosher people, and even those that I do that keep kosher in the house, most eat treif outside of the house, but some just never eat shellfish or pork, and some never mix milk and meat. The menu just seems so "in your face" especially with the lack of appetizer choice.
As for the rest of your trip, I just wish I had more opportunity to visit Israel more frequently.
Jul 16, 2014, 5:06 pm
#10
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Feb 2012
Programs: AAdvantage Executive Platinum, Delta Silver Medallion, Marriott Bonvoy Ambassador
Posts: 14,110
While the first thing I though of when I saw the title was "I bet UA served chilled shrimp appetizer" both ways, what I wasn't expecting was seeing
MID-FLIGHT SNACK
Assorted Sandwiches
Beef salami
Cheese
on the menu. It just looks wrong on a flight from TLV. Does UA have a special "non-kosher" kitchen at TLV? Does the Treif Express truck pull up to the plane? I'm not kosher, I don't know a lot of kosher people, and even those that I do that keep kosher in the house, most eat treif outside of the house, but some just never eat shellfish or pork, and some never mix milk and meat. The menu just seems so "in your face" especially with the lack of appetizer choice.
As for the rest of your trip, I just wish I had more opportunity to visit Israel more frequently.
MID-FLIGHT SNACK
Assorted Sandwiches
Beef salami
Cheese
on the menu. It just looks wrong on a flight from TLV. Does UA have a special "non-kosher" kitchen at TLV? Does the Treif Express truck pull up to the plane? I'm not kosher, I don't know a lot of kosher people, and even those that I do that keep kosher in the house, most eat treif outside of the house, but some just never eat shellfish or pork, and some never mix milk and meat. The menu just seems so "in your face" especially with the lack of appetizer choice.
As for the rest of your trip, I just wish I had more opportunity to visit Israel more frequently.
Jul 16, 2014, 5:08 pm
#11
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Over the Bay Bridge, CA
Programs: Jumbo mas
Posts: 38,638
Count me among those who never eat shellfish or pork. Even if I wanted to, I have a severe shellfish allergy, and pork, whether from lack of habit or some sort of mild allergic reaction, makes me a bit ill every time I try it, so it's a no-go. I also don't do meat and cheese combinations if I can possibly avoid them, so that whole menu took me aback.
Jul 16, 2014, 11:23 pm
#13
Original Poster
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 2,403
ysolde,
I saw a 24-year-old with chickenpox. It was brutal! His parents had declined the vaccine. Oops. He paid dearly for that one. He also didn't believe me when I said, "that's chickenpox." He went and saw someone else who said, "you have chickenpox."
Indeed, United always seems to have shrimp on Tel Aviv flights. But they'll often state that they don't serve pork. It's weird, but a lot of passengers eat the shrimp. Many Israelis do not keep kosher, and there are many passengers who are not Jewish, or who just do not observe kosher laws.
The flight kitchen at Ben Gurion, Catering Ltd., will supply a variety of treif for airlines.
I won't go near pork. The smell alone makes my skin crawl. I've tasted shellfish, and I've never really understood the appeal. I have certainly mixed dairy and meat in the same meal. A lightning bolt will strike me shortly.
I saw a 24-year-old with chickenpox. It was brutal! His parents had declined the vaccine. Oops. He paid dearly for that one. He also didn't believe me when I said, "that's chickenpox." He went and saw someone else who said, "you have chickenpox."
Indeed, United always seems to have shrimp on Tel Aviv flights. But they'll often state that they don't serve pork. It's weird, but a lot of passengers eat the shrimp. Many Israelis do not keep kosher, and there are many passengers who are not Jewish, or who just do not observe kosher laws.
The flight kitchen at Ben Gurion, Catering Ltd., will supply a variety of treif for airlines.
I won't go near pork. The smell alone makes my skin crawl. I've tasted shellfish, and I've never really understood the appeal. I have certainly mixed dairy and meat in the same meal. A lightning bolt will strike me shortly.
Jul 17, 2014, 11:29 pm
#14
Used to be 'flymanbeast'
Join Date: Jul 2011
Programs: Delta silver/marriot platinum
Posts: 2,795
I will be doing this with delta soon in BE so can't wait to compare with your united experience . Also "The crew's relaxed nature also led to a relaxed cabin atmosphere. In fact, there were no threatening announcements about "congregating in galleys," and they underplayed the "30-minute rule" for flights into Tel Aviv, explaining that we'd probably be seated anyway. It was definitely the "friendly skies."" are you sure you were flying with united?
"Indeed, United always seems to have shrimp on Tel Aviv flights. But they'll often state that they don't serve pork. It's weird, but a lot of passengers eat the shrimp" people love sea food in Israel but i personally consider pork to be a dirty animal and really fattening while shrimp is actually low cal!
p.s Why do you not take any pictures of the flight experience?
"Indeed, United always seems to have shrimp on Tel Aviv flights. But they'll often state that they don't serve pork. It's weird, but a lot of passengers eat the shrimp" people love sea food in Israel but i personally consider pork to be a dirty animal and really fattening while shrimp is actually low cal!
p.s Why do you not take any pictures of the flight experience?