Rant: Jerry Springer Candidates (Zurich to Stockholm with Swiss)
Sep 5, 2009, 8:35 am
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 297
Rant: Jerry Springer Candidates (Zurich to Stockholm with Swiss)
A freind of mine posted this on my favourite poker forum:
Cliffnotes
- Small kid kicks chair in front of him
- Woman in chair is annoyed and complaints, loudly, to mother in English
- Mother gets angry at woman for yelling at her precious little snowflake and tells the kid to kick even harder (in Swedish)
- Woman in front speaks Swedish and snaps
- Blows are about to be traded when Hero steps in and not-so-gently informs combatants about the penal code for disturbing air traffic and situation calms down
Good to know
"Jennez" is a child-hating pokerplyer
"Jm_j" once was sitting in an Estonian jail for one month due to making a joke about a bomb when boarding a plain in Tallinn.
The story:
Ok, so this is the story of my close encounter with some potential Jerry Springer guests.
At arrival the plane is delayed by five minutes, no biggie, it’s business as usual. We then start boarding approximately 15 minutes before the new departure time and I find myself taking my seat next to the emergency exit with an air of contentment. Well, as content as one can be with the middle seat but hey, I still got the extra leg room.
Right behind me, and one seat over, a woman finds her seat… and I’m not quite sure how to best describe her but let’s call her “Big Mama”. Carrying in her lap she’s got an obnoxious two year old kid who has been screaming ever since he got on to the plane and continues to do so even after everybody have been seated. Let’s call the kid “Jennez Jr” as a tribute to our ever child loving mate. At either side of me, a woman is seated. We’ll call the first one “the librarian” and the woman next to the emergency exit is best described as an “overage gangbanger chick”.
Then there was me. Hero.
Now, without us passengers knowing, the crew has found a broken light at the landing gear. It’s not a big problem but since it has to be repaired it leaves us waiting at the gate for an additional 20 minutes.
After five minutes of vigorously kicking the chair in front of him, Jennez Jr has made a mortal enemy of the overage gangbanger chick who flips out, unbuckles her seat belt, turns around and hizzes “can you tell your kid to stop kicking my ....ing seat!” at Big Mama (in hindsight we can tell, with some certainty, that this was not the optimal way of dealing with this woman). I try to place the origin of the gangbanger chick but it’s hard. Her accent is some kind of american English but at this stage I’m not totally convinced she’s american, based on accent, choice of words, looks and so on. As it turns out, even Big Mama can’t tell.
Big Mama, who takes turn speaking to the kid in English and Swedish, doesn’t react in the way one would have preferred. While at first trying to calm the kid down by making shushing sounds like ”shhh, whowhowhowhowhowhowho” (at the same voice level as the now shrieking kid), ”you have to sit down” she then starts to, in Swedish(!), coerce the kid into kicking something. Now, my line of sight is blocked and I’m right at the beginning of a book I’m determined to read through before we land, so at this point I can’t tell what the kid is supposed to kick at. I, stupidly, presume he’s going about beating the living hell out of some toy or other that he was given by the stewardess – but alas - this is not the case as I’m about to find out as the plane starts to back out from the gate.
The plane is in motion as I hear Big Mama, in Swedish, tell the little hell-spawn ”now give it one last kick, give it all you got!”. One *thud* later and I feel how my seat is getting some action from the business end of the kids shoe. Now I’m starting to realize what is going on all the while thinking “it's not possible.. could it really be happening?”. Big Mama takes one last go at the kid, telling him, still in Swedish, to “give it one last go, really hard!”. *THUD* The gangbanger chick snaps. With epic proportions. She tears of her seat belt and jumps up on the seat like a freaking ninja, shouting unrecognizable words in English (though every third word or so was “....”) at Big Mama. The reason that I can’t make out any words is that what we have here is an epic Jerry Springerish scene in the making, with two adults and one kid, all of which are screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. Big Mama is yelling back at the gangbanger chick “you wanna fight, ....., I’ll do it right now!”. As it turns out, the gangbanger chick speaks Swedish and has understood every word from when Big Mama was coercing her kid to kick her chair.
My thoughts at that exact moment goes to one person. Jm_j (local boy who got into trouble with the airport authorities at Estonia Airport). A couple of things run through my mind. These two idiots are about to start raining havoc on each other. The plane will return to the gate. Airport security will be summoned. We will miss our flight. At best we will be delayed by an hour, worst case scenario I will be called as a witness and have to stay behind in Zurich to leave some kind of statement. With this firmly in mind, I react selflessly. I grab the gangbanger chick and pull her around and down into her seat as I stand up and tower above her yelling words at her that I can’t really remember but which include “$50 000 fine” and “up to two years in prison” (take note that I still have what happened to jm_j in mind and I’m willing to exaggerate for effect). Funnily enough, they both seem to calm down (sort of), maybe because of my clothes and the fact that I seem to be well versed in the laws regarding airplane security, lol. At any rate, the situation calms down enough for the plane to be able to take off..
I then spend the remainder of the flight contemplating on how to ironize between Swiss luxury prisons vs. the pound-me-in-the-... prisons of Estonia on pokerforum. Still I find time to finish my book (it sucked by the way). The kid screams during the entire flight and I realize the huge amount of bollocks I will receive from “the real” Jennez when I describe the circumstances to him later on.
Cliffnotes
- Small kid kicks chair in front of him
- Woman in chair is annoyed and complaints, loudly, to mother in English
- Mother gets angry at woman for yelling at her precious little snowflake and tells the kid to kick even harder (in Swedish)
- Woman in front speaks Swedish and snaps
- Blows are about to be traded when Hero steps in and not-so-gently informs combatants about the penal code for disturbing air traffic and situation calms down
Good to know
"Jennez" is a child-hating pokerplyer
"Jm_j" once was sitting in an Estonian jail for one month due to making a joke about a bomb when boarding a plain in Tallinn.
The story:
Ok, so this is the story of my close encounter with some potential Jerry Springer guests.
At arrival the plane is delayed by five minutes, no biggie, it’s business as usual. We then start boarding approximately 15 minutes before the new departure time and I find myself taking my seat next to the emergency exit with an air of contentment. Well, as content as one can be with the middle seat but hey, I still got the extra leg room.
Right behind me, and one seat over, a woman finds her seat… and I’m not quite sure how to best describe her but let’s call her “Big Mama”. Carrying in her lap she’s got an obnoxious two year old kid who has been screaming ever since he got on to the plane and continues to do so even after everybody have been seated. Let’s call the kid “Jennez Jr” as a tribute to our ever child loving mate. At either side of me, a woman is seated. We’ll call the first one “the librarian” and the woman next to the emergency exit is best described as an “overage gangbanger chick”.
Then there was me. Hero.
Now, without us passengers knowing, the crew has found a broken light at the landing gear. It’s not a big problem but since it has to be repaired it leaves us waiting at the gate for an additional 20 minutes.
After five minutes of vigorously kicking the chair in front of him, Jennez Jr has made a mortal enemy of the overage gangbanger chick who flips out, unbuckles her seat belt, turns around and hizzes “can you tell your kid to stop kicking my ....ing seat!” at Big Mama (in hindsight we can tell, with some certainty, that this was not the optimal way of dealing with this woman). I try to place the origin of the gangbanger chick but it’s hard. Her accent is some kind of american English but at this stage I’m not totally convinced she’s american, based on accent, choice of words, looks and so on. As it turns out, even Big Mama can’t tell.
Big Mama, who takes turn speaking to the kid in English and Swedish, doesn’t react in the way one would have preferred. While at first trying to calm the kid down by making shushing sounds like ”shhh, whowhowhowhowhowhowho” (at the same voice level as the now shrieking kid), ”you have to sit down” she then starts to, in Swedish(!), coerce the kid into kicking something. Now, my line of sight is blocked and I’m right at the beginning of a book I’m determined to read through before we land, so at this point I can’t tell what the kid is supposed to kick at. I, stupidly, presume he’s going about beating the living hell out of some toy or other that he was given by the stewardess – but alas - this is not the case as I’m about to find out as the plane starts to back out from the gate.
The plane is in motion as I hear Big Mama, in Swedish, tell the little hell-spawn ”now give it one last kick, give it all you got!”. One *thud* later and I feel how my seat is getting some action from the business end of the kids shoe. Now I’m starting to realize what is going on all the while thinking “it's not possible.. could it really be happening?”. Big Mama takes one last go at the kid, telling him, still in Swedish, to “give it one last go, really hard!”. *THUD* The gangbanger chick snaps. With epic proportions. She tears of her seat belt and jumps up on the seat like a freaking ninja, shouting unrecognizable words in English (though every third word or so was “....”) at Big Mama. The reason that I can’t make out any words is that what we have here is an epic Jerry Springerish scene in the making, with two adults and one kid, all of which are screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. Big Mama is yelling back at the gangbanger chick “you wanna fight, ....., I’ll do it right now!”. As it turns out, the gangbanger chick speaks Swedish and has understood every word from when Big Mama was coercing her kid to kick her chair.
My thoughts at that exact moment goes to one person. Jm_j (local boy who got into trouble with the airport authorities at Estonia Airport). A couple of things run through my mind. These two idiots are about to start raining havoc on each other. The plane will return to the gate. Airport security will be summoned. We will miss our flight. At best we will be delayed by an hour, worst case scenario I will be called as a witness and have to stay behind in Zurich to leave some kind of statement. With this firmly in mind, I react selflessly. I grab the gangbanger chick and pull her around and down into her seat as I stand up and tower above her yelling words at her that I can’t really remember but which include “$50 000 fine” and “up to two years in prison” (take note that I still have what happened to jm_j in mind and I’m willing to exaggerate for effect). Funnily enough, they both seem to calm down (sort of), maybe because of my clothes and the fact that I seem to be well versed in the laws regarding airplane security, lol. At any rate, the situation calms down enough for the plane to be able to take off..
I then spend the remainder of the flight contemplating on how to ironize between Swiss luxury prisons vs. the pound-me-in-the-... prisons of Estonia on pokerforum. Still I find time to finish my book (it sucked by the way). The kid screams during the entire flight and I realize the huge amount of bollocks I will receive from “the real” Jennez when I describe the circumstances to him later on.
Sep 5, 2009, 9:24 am
#2
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: OSL/IAH/ZRH (time, not preference)
Programs: UA1K, LH GM, AA EXP->GM
Posts: 38,265
- why would the person who was intentionally physically assaulted getting the fine for raising her voice
? - how can you spot gangbangers?
Sep 7, 2009, 4:22 pm
#4
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Geneva, Switzerland
Posts: 247
As a poker player, shouldn't you have been taking bets on "overage gangbanger chick vs. big mama" rather than breaking up the boxing match before it even started?
Seriously, where were the flight attendants during this whole episode?
Seriously, where were the flight attendants during this whole episode?
Sep 8, 2009, 3:18 am
#5
FlyerTalk Evangelist
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: VCE
Posts: 14,165
gdaily- thank you for an excellent trip report!
Oh- and welcome to travel during the summer season
A few things I have seen recently (not on your level)....:
1) DUS/MUC: Passenger attempting the good old "self upgrade" on LH (not a good idea)- followed by insisting to the flight attendant that they had "paid for priority seating- an extra 15 EUR!) [wrong airline I think...]
2) Children in LH F on the upper deck abandoned by their parents (young children- they intentionally put the kids in 84 and sat in 81)- when asked by the F.A.s to rearrange the cabin they loudly say "we paid for F class and we do not want to sit by THEM [note-their children]- it is your job as F.A.s to take care of this"- we all feel so sorry for children we end up spending the flight playing some type of card game with them that LH gives out- the F.A.s give us all a bottle of champagne as a thank you (shhh- don't tell the wolf!)
3)Hell Child in LH C- again- parents sit window/aisle- and put child across aisle on a 744 long haul- same type of story.....
I LOVE Children- and will not turn this into a "Children should not be in C/F"- rather turn this into a "Parents should not be in C/F"!!!
Your story was great gdaily- let the game go on (maybe you can syndicate it?)...
Oh- and welcome to travel during the summer season
A few things I have seen recently (not on your level)....:
1) DUS/MUC: Passenger attempting the good old "self upgrade" on LH (not a good idea)- followed by insisting to the flight attendant that they had "paid for priority seating- an extra 15 EUR!) [wrong airline I think...]
2) Children in LH F on the upper deck abandoned by their parents (young children- they intentionally put the kids in 84 and sat in 81)- when asked by the F.A.s to rearrange the cabin they loudly say "we paid for F class and we do not want to sit by THEM [note-their children]- it is your job as F.A.s to take care of this"- we all feel so sorry for children we end up spending the flight playing some type of card game with them that LH gives out- the F.A.s give us all a bottle of champagne as a thank you (shhh- don't tell the wolf!)
3)Hell Child in LH C- again- parents sit window/aisle- and put child across aisle on a 744 long haul- same type of story.....
I LOVE Children- and will not turn this into a "Children should not be in C/F"- rather turn this into a "Parents should not be in C/F"!!!
Your story was great gdaily- let the game go on (maybe you can syndicate it?)...