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QL:
Please hurry up and live your life faster so that you can post more chapters! The suspense is killing us... http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/wink.gif |
Labadee lobsters
The ship had arrived at Labadee, Haiti by the time we got up. Nowhere on the ship’s itinerary was the word “Haiti” mentioned. Instead they called it the island of Hispaniola. I think they thought people would be concerned about the random killings of Americans and so on that was going on in Haiti. Not to worry, though—this was a private beach and nobody was there except Royal Caribbean passengers and crew. To exit and enter the ship we inserted our cards—which served as charge account, boarding pass, and room key—into a slot that beeped and displayed our photographs to the security guard. We took a tender boat to the beach, a short ride, watching the ship recede in all her splendor and rhapsody. Once ashore we headed straight for the rubber-mat rentals and charged $8 each to our shipboard account to pay for the mats. A man in a tropical shirt carried our mats and a couple lounge chairs to a nice spot on the beach for us but I didn’t have any money to tip him with so he accepted my sincere thanks instead. Hunnybear and I spent a couple hours floating around punctuated by an awful lunch of hockey-puck burgers. The hot dog was decent though. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but they had macaroons with candied green maraschino cherries so I ate a couple. We bought a large bottle of Evian for $1.50 plus tip on the shipboard account. They automatically add 15% to all the beverage purchases so you don’t have to worry about tipping. After the second floating session I was starting to feel toasty so I went back to the ship and left Hunnybear to float a bit more and then shop in the trinket stand. The blackjack tournament was starting at three so I went to the casino and played some Deuces Wild while I waited. Nothing was doing, then Larry came by and plonked himself down on the stool next to mine to watch, wiped out by the sun and several frozen drinks. Hunnybear came back and sat down to watch too but Larry’s talk of frozen drinks reminded me of my favorite cruise drink: frozen Long-Island Iced Tea. Hunnybear offered to order me on and told Larry that as soon as she stepped away I’d hit something. Sure enough, she hadn’t been gone a minute when I got dealt three Deuces in the middle, held them, and quack quack came the fourth duck on the end. The machine was still spitting out quarters when Hunnybear returned with my drink. She squealed appropriately and said, “I told you so!” I decided to pass on the blackjack tournament and instead kept playing video poker until it was time to change for the evening. We had tickets to the ice show this evening. It was free but you had to get tickets for one of the shows because the theater was so small. We got seats toward the back but it wasn’t necessary as the show didn’t suck. The skaters only fell a couple times and they had cool artificial snow. They performed several axels and spun around and stuff while playing a range of music from The Doors to Brittney Spears to Gloria Esteban. After the ice show it was time to have another crack at the blackjack tables but still no dice. The dealer asked if I ever played craps. I asked if that was an assessment of my blackjack-playing abilities and she smiled mysteriously. All eight members of our troop were present and accounted for at dinner. Sandro and Josette had each acquired a deep chocolate tan from their one afternoon at the beach thanks to their enviable Mediterranean skin while we Americans all had various shades of Labadee lobster. As usual I took Zsuzsa’s recommendations. I began with a delicious seafood risotto followed by a salad with roasted garlic dressing. The wine stewardess came around and I presented her with the bottle of Louis Martini cabernet sauvignon they gave us on United coming over here and informed her we would be drinking a very special bottle of wine tonight. She brought glasses and served it to us along with the remains of last night’s selection. Soup was a nice minestrone. For the entrée I couldn’t decide between the scampi and the osso buco so I had both and both were very good. As a rule I don’t eat dessert so I watched as Hunnybear had a tiramisu. The after-dinner entertainment tonight was the headliner Charo. We got seats toward the back and awaited the appearance of the venerable singer-sexpot-comedienne, supposedly 49 years old. Surprisingly she looked great and was full of energy. We stayed through a couple songs and a cutesy comic monologue before heading back to the duck pond, where I supervised as Hunnybear tried in vain to hit her first Wild Royal. At midnight each night waiter had been coming around with “midnight delight,” exactly the same two trays of appetizers and marzipan candies. This replaced the midnight buffet, a traditional feast of excess that I had long since stopped going to. We grabbed a couple candies and continued playing. After a long time and no hit I took over and had no better luck so we went to our huge stateroom and hit the sack. ------------------ I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com |
As a rule I don’t eat dessert so I watched as Hunnybear had a tiramisu. We grabbed a couple candies and continued playing [This message has been edited by Hunnybear (edited 11-21-2000).] |
Originally posted by QuietLion: venerable singer-sexpot-comedienne, supposedly 49 years old. |
Not possible
The casino wasn’t open today so we slept in. Around 11:30 we headed up to Johnny Rocket’s for lunch and sat in a booth outside. They had just opened and customers immediately filled every table so service was understandably slow but they made up for it by bringing orders of fries and onion rings to each table for starters. You can do things like that when the food is all-you-can-eat. We each ordered “The” Double, written just like that with quotes around the “The.” It arrived juicy, hot, and huge. I ordered mine with grilled onions but Hunnybear stole them by claiming she couldn’t see grilled onions in either sandwich. We had two tall Diet Cokes, the only thing we had to pay extra for. We left with bowling balls in our bellies, agreeing that it was the best lunch on the ship and we’d never do it again. As we sat in Johnny Rocket’s we saw the ship pull into San Juan, Puerto Rico. Also moored there were the Carnival Victory, a large ship but still a shrimp boat compared to the mighty Explorer, and the Holland America Lines Westerdam, a ship I had sailed on several years ago when they were filming the movie Out To Sea with Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon. Hunnybear was eager to shop so we walked off the ship and strolled around Old San Juan. First we hit the Wyndham Hotel and Casino, right across the street from the docks. I did a quick inventory of the video poker and didn’t find anything playable. The power flickered just as we were leaving, throwing all the machines into a tizzy but leaving the blackjack dealers unfazed. A five-minute shower drenched the streets and we ducked under an awning with a Catholic school group while it passed. Royal Caribbean had a little Crown and Anchor Society storefront there. We popped in and found nothing of interest except a description of the frequent-sailing levels in Royal Caribbean’s scheme. There was very little incentive to advance to the next level. With five cruises you got a robe in your cabin. With ten, you got to bypass the line. That was about it. We found some great shopping that excited even me and I extended my usual hour-and-fifteen-minute maximum shopping time by a few minutes so we could pick up some great bargains from the Coach and Ralph Lauren factory outlets. Puerto Rico is a tax-free enterprise zone and prices are consequently low for manufacturers with operations there. Add to that no sales tax and no duty, because it’s part of the U.S., and you have the best shopping bargains in the Caribbean. It was hot and sticky so after several hours of walking the streets of San Juan we headed back on board with our loot and didn’t have the energy to go back out for our planned trip to El San Juan Hotel and Casino, widely considered one of the top hotels in the world. They have a “JC” lobby, so called because everyone who enters looks around, gapes, and says, “Jesus Christ.” We’ll have to go next time although I suspect there is no playable video poker there either. Hunnybear had a beauty nap while I caught up on my email and FlyerTalk. I knew I shouldn’t have given that speech in on Viral Marketing in Vancouver because now people were emailing me wanting me to do more work so I worked out the details of a gig in Virginia in a couple weeks. The sun set and we decided to go for an evening run. The track on the Explorer was excellent, made of spongy composition and marked with distances, five laps to the mile. I did about 20 minutes and Hunnybear did more. Tonight was the captain’s repeat-sailors cocktail party so we cleaned up and headed to the Maharajah Lounge to get some free drinks before dinner. The hot appetizers were cold but the cold-appetizer tray had yummy caviar which no one appeared to be eating so I had seven or eight servings. I didn’t want to eat too much because we had booked dinner at Portofino, the fancy restaurant that cost an extra $20 each, for that evening. The captain wasn’t at his party because he was sailing the ship out of harbor but the hotel director and cruise director were there. We cut out when Ken, the cruise director, started to make his speech, and headed to the casino in hopes it would open early but no dice. We left instructions with the 75-year-old mob moll at the next machine to kill anyone who tried to sit down at ours while we dined. We went up to Portofino to have dinner with Larry and Shirley. We got a large table in the middle of the room and proceeded to order just about everything on the menu. It was not possible for the kitchen to prepare a surf-and-turf so we all ordered lobster and then when it arrived we ordered steak too. I started with a wonderful beef carpaccio followed by a Caesar salad that was just like the OK one downstairs with anchovies added. The lobster tail and steak were both terrific. We had a bottle of the Chilean Caliterra cabernet riserva, the upper-class brother to a wine we knew well from United. It was excellent. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but they had some kind of mousse cake so I ordered it. I asked for a small scoop of ice cream but it was not possible so I went down to deck 5 and got my own ice cream and brought it back, much to the consternation of the waiter. We split the bill on our two staterooms and rolled out the door. Hunnybear and I hit the casino and played a little Deuces but didn’t hit anything big. Hunnybear went to bed but I decided to take one more crack at the blackjack tables and this time got a good table with a good rhythm going and made back about half my losses from the first three days. People were drinking oversized cosmopolitans so I got one too and brought it back to the cabin to finish before drifting off to sleep. ------------------ I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com |
Diving and hoovering
We had a wakeup call at seven to ready ourselves for today’s scuba-diving trip in St. Thomas, booked through the on-board dive shop SeaTrek. We found ourselves docked next to the Disney Magic and the Grand Princess, both large cruise ships but still girlie boats compared to our omnipotent Explorer, floating there in her vision and sovereignty. Disney Magic had a life-sized figure of Goofy off her stern, painting the trim on the ship with an artist’s brush. We got ferried to the dive shop and picked up our equipment then motored out to Andre’s reef. It was decent diving and not too deep so we got in a full 40 minutes well under 60 feet. Somebody saw a turtle but all we saw were pretty fishes. The second dive was at the wreck of two U.S. Navy barges that they blew up when no longer needed. As wreck dives go it was pretty uninteresting but also pretty easy with a maximum depth of 40 feet. The crew was great and the whole thing went professionally and smoothly. Hunnybear went out to shop and I caught up on my email in the afternoon. We were supposed to sail at five and the casino was supposed to open at six but we had to wait in line behind the other ships. Disney magic pulled out and her whistle sounded “When You Wish Upon a Star,” a nice touch. We pulled away slowly and for some reason it took forever to get into international waters so I was chomping at the bit while we inched away from the fatherly protection of our vices by the U.S. government, currently in turmoil over a matter of dimples. I took a tour of the upper decks and discovered a goldmine on deck 13: the rock-climbing wall, which I would not be utilizing, an in-line skating track, which I similarly would not be trying out, and a beautiful nine-hole miniature-golf course complete with 19th hole bar. What an incredible ship! The casino finally opened and I hammered away at Deuces Wild until dinner but to no avail. Dinner was the fancy one, moved from tomorrow night because Thanksgiving. We started with excellent escargot, then a decent onion soup, then a nice salad with white asparagus, then the entrée. We all asked for filet mignon with lobster tail as well. It took a while to put it all together but at least they didn’t say “no” like in the gourmet restaurant upstairs. The steak was good and the lobster was superb. Next time I’ll just have three or four lobster tails. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but there was a flourless chocolate cake I thought I’d give another try along with a little ice cream. I recalled correctly that I don’t love flourless chocolate cake. The rest of the gang went to hear comedian Gary Mule Deer but Hunnybear and I went to the casino to try for the elusive jackpot on our machine. A lady was illegally playing our machine so we breathed down her neck until she left. She must have jinxed it though because I got the worst hovering of the trip although Hunnybear hit her first Wild Royal. I even lost a bit at the Blackjack table during a break. Midnight delight came and went with exactly the same hors d’oeuvres and marzipan candies as every other night. Finally I went down to the cabin for some sleep, glad I was only playing a 25¢ machine instead of what I usually play in Vegas. ------------------ I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com [This message has been edited by QuietLion (edited 11-24-2000).] |
Mr. Lion and Hunnybear, I'm sorry about the "Titanic" reference. But Kate Winslet was very good in it. The little boy needs acting lessons.
I love cruises... except (going OMNI here) The Spirit Cruise ships with those "Up with People/America Sings" Happy Happy Joy Joy groups. They make me cough up hairballs. Enjoy your cruise and may you hit the jackpot very soon! http://www.flyertalk.com/forum/smile.gif |
Thanksgiving at sea
Today we steamed back toward home for our final stop tomorrow at Nassau before returning to Miami Saturday. The sea was stormy and we had great rocking but it wasn’t much of a day for lying out by the pool so I spent most of Thanksgiving Day hammering away at the Deuces machine in hopes of hitting the progressive Royal, now almost $1400, giving thanks that the casino was open all day because we weren’t in port. I hit four ducks again but otherwise got only the royal hoover, not the Royal Flush before it was time to eat. Our bellies had recovered sufficiently from Johnny Rocket’s that we decided to meet Larry and Shirley there for lunch. We sat indoors this time which gave us the added benefit of a jukebox at our booth. I was fishing around my change purse for nickels when our waiter came by with a stack of them for me! I selected some lovely tunes as the kids in the restaurant all selected “YMCA” and we heard them intermingled. Service was much quicker this time because we didn’t come right at opening along with everyone else. Larry and Shirley had arrived early in anticipation of a long line so they were already seated and had already ordered fries and onion rings when we got there. I had “The” Double again and so did Larry while the girls had girlie burgers. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but Larry’s policy is to eat everything on the menu so he ordered ice cream: “I’ll have ice cream.” “It is not possible.” “What do you have?” “Apple pie. Apple pie with a slice of cheese. Apple pie à la mode.” “Then you have ice cream. Just bring me a scoop of ice cream.” ”We don’t serve ice cream.” “You serve apple pie à la mode?” “Yes.” “Bring me the apple pie à la mode and hold the pie.” “It is not possible.” Larry couldn’t remember any more of Jack Nicholson’s lines from Five Easy Pieces so he just ordered the apple pie à la mode. The waiter quickly brought it and said if it wasn’t enough ice cream he could bring more. We did a quick tour of deck 13 but the weather was windy and spitting so I headed back to my machine while Hunnybear took a nap. I lost prodigiously all afternoon, giving back the four-ducks win and more. We discovered that the special Thanksgiving menu in the main dining room was turkey, ham, or cod, so Larry got us a table at Portofino. Paul and Rhonda joined us and we knew Sandro and Josette had already booked a romantic table for two so Zsuzsa had the night off. Service was excellent and I didn’t order ice cream so there was no problem in that arena. Astonishingly, they had taken our feedback from the other night and changed the Caesar dressing! We all agreed it was much improved, with a nice garlic bite and more cheese. I didn’t mention the other night that they started with two complimentary orders of yummy bruschetta, one with olive tapanade and one with fresh tomatoes. I once again had the excellent beef carpaccio and then an insalata di mare that was great. The beef tenderloin was still great and everyone else was having dessert so I ordered a tiramisu even though I don’t eat dessert as a rule. It was delicious, soaked in liquor and espresso and served in a chocolate coffee cup. For additional dessert they brought the same marzipan candies they had served every night at midnight in the casino. I lost a little at blackjack than hammered away at ducks to no avail until they shut the casino down at two, leaving the still-unhit jackpot over $1500. ------------------ I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com |
The final endeavor
We decided to try the sit-down breakfast since we didn’t arrive in Nassau until 11 so we went down and got seated at a table with six other people. The breakfast menu was identical to every other Royal Caribbean breakfast menu I’d ever seen so I knew what to order: two orders of smoked salmon. Hunnybear had a nice-looking omelet. We finished up and found the gangway was open so we walked off the ship and headed for Paradise Island. The Explorer of the Seas was moored next to several other large ships: the Disney Wonder, Carnival Fantasy, Norwegian Sky, and Celebrity Century. Later her sister ship Sovereign of the Seas sailed in. All were large ships but they were cigarette boats next to the giant Explorer, moored there in her monarchy and radiance. We found the water taxi to Paradise Island and putted along after buying a round-trip ticket for $6 each. Since Hunnybear had been there with me on our first date they had built lots more Atlantis. Its coral-colored towers spread far and wide, now occupying the former site of the demolished Pirate’s Cove, where I had stayed my first trip here. We got off the water taxi to discover Larry and Shirley had unbeknownst to us been on the same boat! We all walked over to Atlantis. First we checked out the casino. One of the only casinos in the world with windows, the beautiful room sported four large expensive glass sculptures including a stunning one of the sun. I did a quick inventory of the video poker and found only one halfway-decent bank of 9/6 Jacks or Better dollars. Everybody wanted to walk around the grounds and see the water park and aquariums so we headed over there only to be stopped by a guard/salesman with a stack of brochures. With 10,000 cruise passengers unloading their human cargo here daily, Atlantis had decided to charge $25 per person just to look at their grounds. Still forbidden to all but hotel guests was actual use of the pool, slides, and lazy river. We decided to take a pass on the hefty fee and instead went down to the restaurant with a plate-glass window into one of the aquariums and look at a small part of it for free. With the image of Arnie the Compmeister perched like a devil on my shoulder, I decided to play a little video poker and see if I could get us comped for aquarium passes. I played at the one good bank of machines for 15 minutes and then went to the booth to inquire about comps. They had an interesting system. Although the machine display registered points at the rate of one point for every $42 gambled, they didn’t actually do anything with the points. Instead, comps were given by time and bet size. That meant someone could theoretically sit at a dollar or $5 machine and play very slowly for four hours to earn cheap comps. But it also meant no comps were possible for less than four hours’ play even if one were to play the $25 machines! I asked how much play was required for a comp to the aquariums and she said it was not possible so we took the water taxi back to the ship. I made use of the last few hours of Internet access while Hunnybear hibernated and then I reluctantly returned my CyberCabin to the business center right at the 6 p.m. deadline. The ship set sail on time and I waited for the casino to open so I could make my last attempt at winning the jackpot or go down valiantly. For two hours the machine sucked me dry in the worst hoovering of the cruise until I broke for our final dinner with the gang. Tonight I started with three servings of yummy jumbo-shrimp cocktail, an order of OK crab cakes, and a nice salad with artichoke hearts. The entrée was rack of lamb which was quite good. I passed on alcohol because I wanted to be sharp for video poker and I left after the lamb and obligatory corny farewell parade because as a rule I don’t eat dessert. I hunkered down for a final session at Deuces Wild and the hoovering continued. Then Hunnybear went off to bed and I started breaking even. I stayed even for a good hour with four Royal scares (all but the last card) and then quack! I hit the ducks. I got paid and then started a hellacious winning streak that brought the credits on the machine over 1000 and started spitting out quarters for every win. Finally they announced the casino would be closing in five minutes so I cashed out, no one having hit the Royal on this trip and leaving it at almost $1600, a gift for a lucky passenger on next week’s voyage. I brought four buckets of quarters to the cashier and ended up down only $45 for the day. What a ride! I walked around in search of a nightcap but the bars were all closed so I headed for the final time back to deck 2 to the oversized cabin and bed. ------------------ I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com |
and a beautiful nine-hole miniature-golf course complete with 19th hole bar. |
Chicken flight
We got up early to meet Larry and Shirley for our final breakfast on the beautiful Explorer of the Seas. I had my usual two orders of smoked salmon while Larry ordered a sampling of all the menu items. Everybody was talking about the election. We overheard a mother at the next table say, “Do you know what a chad is, Brad?” After breakfast we said our goodbyes and by the time I had packed people were already disembarking. For the first time ever on a cruise we were told that if we wanted to carry out own bags off the ship we could exit at our leisure so we wheeled our luggage right off the boat with no waiting whatsoever! On most cruises this is one of the most painful parts of the journey but on the Explorer it was as easy as could be. We grabbed a cab to Miami airport with no waiting ($18 flat rate plus tip) and headed to the United counter to check in. Because we were three hours early for the flight there were no customers in any line. The one agent on duty checked us in, took our upgrade certs without lecturing us on which type of certs we must use, and gave us boarding passes for our preassigned seats. I asked for a pass to the Red Carpet Club because we had a three-hour wait but he said it was not one of the tools he had available. So I asked for a pass to the International First Class Lounge but that was also not possible. I thanked him and we headed for the Red Carpet Club to see if we could get in. I presented my 1K card, Safeway Club card, and expired Red Carpet Club card to the agent who informed me that my card was expired. I reluctantly ended my boycott and told her to renew it. The form said $200 so I crossed it out and wrote $150 because that’s what the letter from United said it cost for a 1K. She gave me an ugly temporary card and we went in. The Miami Red Carpet Club had better-than-average food and drink. Liquor was free but only existed after noon and we were leaving just before noon but we availed ourselves of yummy cheese and crackers and plenty of soda as we watched the projection TV and checked email. Our flight home connected in Chicago. The first leg was supposed to be a 727 so we were surprised when we boarded and found an Airbus 320. Fortunately there were enough First Class seats that we didn’t get bumped in spite of the two uniformed pilots who sat in F instead of a complaining Premier Executive who was denied an upgrade. As usual on a narrowbody there was no preflight drink service. In flight, though, we got great service from purser Cliff on this two-and-one-half-hour flight. Hunnybear ordered stir-fried chicken and I ordered filet mignon. Following LarryU’s advice I ordered it rare with crushed peppercorns but Cliff just laughed and said he’d take it out of the oven as soon as he could but it still arrived well done. I had a glass of the Louis Martini cabernet to accompany. As a rule I don’t eat dessert but Cliff recommended the Eli’s chocolate cheesecake which turned out to be a delicious mousse cake that had little to do with cheese. He brought around a selection of liqueurs after dinner do I had just one glass of Drambuie on the rocks. Despite the A320 having a video system Cliff didn’t show any video because he said they weren’t allowed to if the originally scheduled equipment wasn’t showing video—part of United’s customer-repellent program. We landed just a bit late in Chicago and walked from gate E2A all the way to B16. By the time we got there we didn’t have time to go to the Red Carpet Club because they were already pre-boarding. This leg was a new two-class 777 and we had the two primo seats in the center of row 1 for a good view of the movie. Actually the view wasn’t as great as it could have been because the luminance of the screen was poor and the focus was a little off. Nonetheless, we enjoyed Chicken Run, the first decent recently released film I’d seen on United in ages. Service was superb on this flight although purser Marina seemed a little stressed out by the large F cabin and was having loud conversations with her staff throughout the entire flight about the service procedures. If Disney ran an airline no customer would ever overhear a conversation like that because it would take away from the magic. We sat on the ground for over an hour before takeoff but as soon as we took off the crew started serving us drinks. There was no question what Hunnybear and I would order for dinner because they had lamb chops, the all-time best domestic airline meal. Appetizer was the yucky Westphalian ham wrapped in asparagus,. Then the lamb chops arrived—a huge portion cooked perfectly and served with yummy parsnips. We were fat and happy when they wheeled around the Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream sundaes but I had one anyway with a little Kahlua poured over it even though as a rule I don’t eat dessert. We did pass on the Mrs. Fields though, notwithstanding their being the oatmeal-raisin ones Hunnybear loves. Hot towels concluded a delightful flight. We landed at the end of Terminal 6 but baggage claim was in Terminal 7. By the time we got there bags were just starting to come out—not the priority-tagged ones, but the others. Five minutes and dozens of bags later, our First Class whales came out and we wheeled them to a long taxi line. It moved very quickly though and before we knew it we were in a cab headed home to rest up for another adventure. The end. ------------------ I hope you enjoy my Lion Tales. For photos, past travelogues, subscriptions, and more, see www.liontales.com |
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