If you’re bored of me complaining about Thai First, you should probably skip this post. Or maybe the rest of this report.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, my final destination was somewhere in Europe. And you must be wondering why I subjected myself to more than one flight in Thai First, when at first sight I thought their seat was a joke. Well, actually my next flight was supposed to be on Swiss, to Zurich. I’ve read very positive things about Swiss, their service and catering is supposed to be exceptional, and their seat is the kind I’d actually like to spend 12 hours in. But thanks to an agent somewhere in Timbuktu who decided to enforce a minimum connection time of 55 minutes at BKK even on an F passenger (I had 50 minutes between the arriving TG flight and the departing LX one), I was to be subjected to another 12 hours on Thai. Which worked out OK as my TG flight from HKG was delayed. Oh well, at least I would finally get some pyjamas.

I was the last to board the aircraft, with a gentleman I’d met in the TG lounge in HKG, who was also connecting to the flight to ZRH. He said he lived between Hong Kong and Zurich, and shuttled back and forth every month. On a variety of EK, QR, TG, LX – in F. And I think he must have still been quite surprised to come across someone my age jetting about in First. Well, his story was even more interesting. I was trying to figure out which I-bank he might be a Director at, and how to suitably impress him to get a job, but lo and behold, he tells me he’s in medical equipment sales. And has a degree in Economics. If anyone’s looking for a new career… here you go.

So anyway, onboard I was in 1E, with 1A, 2A (the best seats according to the internet, neither of which the TG Singapore office could get me), and 1K occupied. The seatmap on expertflyer was actually showing the flight pretty busy – I don’t know why they’d blocked off two seats. They were never used. In fact, I prompty moved to 2K. Don’t exactly fancy having my every move seen by everyone else in the cabin. Y has more privacy than those seats, honestly.

And while we’re still on opinions about seating – I think there are two groups of people. Those who have actually flown First and appreciate the privacy Suites a la EK afford, and those who have never flown in F but complain that they’re not ready to sleep in a coffin yet. I don’t know if they realize that these Suites have doors. That you can open. To get a normal F seat. Me, personally, I don’t like to have people looking at me when I’m asleep in some weird contortion, or secretly drinking Vittel.

Now to the good stuff. Once we were seated, the three crew in First went around introducing themselves to each passenger. The first of many hot towels and glasses of Dom (clearly they weren’t bothered with taxes – as the pre-departure champagne was supposed to be Veuve Rose) followed. I finally got an amenity kit – by Rimowa. Except, they don’t make amenities, so there was an assortment of completely unheard of brands, encased in a miniature purple suitcase.

And then I saw the Purser come out with pyjamas. Just two pairs, on a tray. As if mocking me, she went to every other passenger before getting to me. After a passenger would pick their preferred size, she would return to the galley, re-stock her tray, and proceed to offer a choice to the next passenger. Very nice. ‘What size would you like, sir?’. There was Medium, and there was Large. I had my doubts about this. Airline pyjamas aren’t exactly made for people with my waist size. They’re made for the passenger in 2A. I wonder what sizes she offered him, though at the speed he was eating, he might have needed a bigger size by the time he decided to go to bed.

I decided to go with the Medium size. Thai doesn’t make up your bed for you in First – no mattress or even a duvet (UA had one) – just a flimsy blanket. What I did come back to find, however, was that I would need to hold up these pyjamas with one hand for the next 12 hours if I didn’t want to get arrested for public indecency. Thankfully, the crew had a Small size, which fit perfectly. Had I realized I could get more than one set by trying on different sizes (I got to keep the S and the M), I would have started with XL.

The other thing I was really looking forward to on this flight was the caviar service. This seemed like as good an occasion as any to sample it, and boy was it good. I had a glass (or two) or Dom to wash it down. ‘Would you like your main meal now, sir?’ ‘Actually, I’m sleepy and tired, so maybe I’ll take a nap and eat it later.’ ‘No problem.’ ‘Actually, that caviar was really good, do you think I could have some more?’ And lo and behold, she came out with another full serving. When I refused Dom, I was given vodka – probably the best money can buy. As far as getting one's money's worth goes, I think I did quite well on this leg.

http://i51.tinypic.com/1j7srt.jpg

I must have slept for a little bit but realized I had to keep going. This was not one of those times I could chicken out and skip the meal service in favor of sleep. Pronto – table was set again, glass of Dom et al. The thing I love about First Class is they keep filling your glass up, even before it’s empty. Like they should. In fact, I think it should be de rigueur in Business as well, but I digress. Not only was my glass never left empty, but if I was too slow to drink up (as I often am), my half full glass would be replaced with chilled champagne. I was starting to like Thai a little bit now, I must admit.

I’m not the kind of person who would take pictures of airline meals and post them in a trip report, but I just had to on this occasion. The ostrich steak I had pre-ordered was delicious. They actually let you pick the cheeses and fruits you want to eat – none of that one size fits all stuff. Heavenly.

http://i56.tinypic.com/ixt85k.jpg

Delicious starters

http://i54.tinypic.com/2rp4u48.jpg

Ostrich steak - because I love to try new foods, and the lobster had terrible reviews

I’ll admit though that when I woke up 9 hours later, I didn’t have the stomach for breakfast. I finished up my movie – this is the first time I’ve barely been able to watch one film on a 12 hour flight, except the one time on Etihad from JFK, when my IFE didn’t work the entire flight. The entire crew went around asking each passenger how their flight was etc, accompanied by hot towels, of course.

Up next, the maze that is ZRH, and my first time on LX and an Avro 100.

Please keep going. I'm looking for an F trip US-Asia and you are helping me choose!

I’m pretty sure Zurich airport was designed by a watchmaker from Geneva. It seemed to have more complications than a master grand tradition or whatever fancy names they have for $100k timepieces. When I eventually made it to a check in area, I asked if I could get rid of my bags, as I was spending the day in Zurich. Walk up to the front of the queue and there’s an agent idle at a counter. She doesn’t call me over, so I walk up to her asking if the counter is open. Shock and horror when she realizes I’m flying Business, and she can’t polish her nails anymore. And then I make it to the Swiss First Lounge where the dragon sends me off to an arrivals lounge in some dark corner of the airport. It has showers, though I’m sure the ones at homeless shelters in Monaco are better appointed.

Fast forward through a day of ogling at well dressed people in Zurich, and I’m back at the airport. This time, it’s the Swiss Business Lounge. The food offering included pasta in tomato sauce (made with two ingredients – pasta and sauce) and … nothing else. I’m cursing loudly at everyone around me, because for the first time on this trip, I have to use a lounge with other people around. Including people that are younger than me.

I guess to some extent, it is more common to see young people in premium cabins in Asia and especially in the Middle East. In Europe, one stands out like a sore thumb among a sea of suited business types, so I did get enough stares, despite being at the world’s crappiest lounge.

Things didn’t really improve with the actual flight. I’m not quite sure what value people who pay $1000 for a 90 minute flight get out of a Business Class product that doesn’t work. There was no priority boarding. The business class seats are a joke. I had to actually sit next to someone because of the 2-3 layout, and baggage took forever. The food was nice, but that’s about the only thing that differentiated this flight from a flight on Germanwings I took a week later.

Ok, you’re probably wondering what on earth I was doing flying an LCC (at least it wasn’t Ryanair) but this was the only option on the route I wanted to fly. And for an extra 7 Euros, I could preselect 1F, with 3 seats to myself, a mile of leg room, and no queues anywhere. I did have to wake up at 4 am because the flight was at some absurd hour, but I was prepared to live in different time zones for every day of this trip anyway!

I sort of hate short flights, despite all this effort to maximize sectors. They’re usually crowded, on small planes, and with a terrible hard product, and no time to enjoy the flight. Flying Lufthansa on a 737 on a 40 minute hop from Brussels to Frankfurt only served to enforce that opinion. The effort of getting to the airport, spending time in an SAS lounge where internet access is restricted to one coupon for one hour per customer (lucky for them I only had 40 minutes to kill at the lounge), and then waiting for 20 minutes for boarding to complete while seat shifters move around the cabin is annoying. Private jet please.

Though when flying commercial, there’s always the fun of seeing people’s jaw drop. I walk up to the Lufthansa check in area at Brussels which is manned by a desk before you can get to the counter.
‘I’m flying to Frankfurt today.’
Silence.
‘Do you want my passport or something?’ gesturing towards the two lines behind them that say Business/ Economy.
‘Sir you need to first self check in at this machine and then drop your bag at the counter’
‘No. Why do I have to use a machine?’
‘That’s the procedure sir, everyone has to do it’
‘But I have a complicated itinerary. And I’m flying Business Class.’ I don’t do self check in machines when I’ve paid $$$ for someone to exchange pleasantries with me while clicking away at a computer.
‘Oooooooh you’re flying Business Class. Right this way sir, straight to the counter’
And then while the check in agent thought I was crazy because of where I wanted to check in my bags to (you’ll find out soon), there were a couple of people stuck behind a huge group in the Economy line who were going to miss their flight.

The flight was quite uneventful. They actually manage to do all announcements in French, German and English, and hand out coffee and cake, though not the kinds I was able to enjoy in Amsterdam. Frankfurt Airport is quite a hell hole, but just as a teaser, I paid a quick visit to the First Class Terminal. Where the staff were extremely helpful, addressing me by name and offering a drink even though I’m only eligible to use the lounge tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to my flight tomorrow!

Hahaha :D^

Wonderful report, really enjoying it and looking forward to more!

Great trip report, thanks.

too funny.

I walked into the Lufthansa First Class Terminal expecting to find a tent pitched in the corner near the bar, with ‘eightblack’ emblazoned across it, and the Riesling on tap, or perhaps even supplied intravenously. My first reaction, though, was that this place was small. I think I’d got my expectations a little too high, but found the ambience to be quite similar to Qatar’s First Class Lounge at DOH.

The great thing about the FCT of course, is that it’s such a well hidden secret that most people don’t know it exists, let alone mistakenly finding their way to the front desk asking if they could please use the lounge and guest all their 4th cousins in. So when I did walk in, no one blinked an eye, and I was escorted through security and told how things worked here.

My first stop, having arrived at 6 am for a flight at noon, was to take a shower. I knew this day was going to be difficult, but I was groggy at that hour, having slept in fits the previous night. Having to choose between a shower and a bath wasn’t what I wanted right now. The attendant took pity on me and gave me the big room, which had both a bath and a shower. What I’d really wanted to ask for was the one with the famous FCT duck, and to my horror neither the shower nor the bath had it!

I started sending frantic text messages to everyone I knew who had ever used the FCT. I hadn’t bought any souvenirs, and this was to be it. The lounge attendant told me they’d run out of them and would only have a replacement by Xmas. Thankfully, I got a tip that the FCL in the main terminal still had some, and that I should go there and ask for one. So I promptly caught hold of someone in a purple tie (what happened to yellow, blue and grey being LH's colors?) and asked for the limo to take me over earlier, and when I did eventually get to the FCL, I charmed (scoff) the attendant into giving me two ducks instead of one. :D

Back in the FCT, I couldn’t find much to do. Yes the food is great and the bar list is excellent, but you know how much I eat and drink. Breakfast, a couple of glasses of champagne, and I was done. Given that the occupants of the lounge were exclusively 40+ year old German males for the first couple of hours, and that the view outside was of an airport building, I started to get bored. The only thing that changed later in the day was there were more women and more nationalities, but still just boring old people.

The FCT is nice, it’s cozy, and it’s a hell of a lot better than FRA. But, unless you want to drink the bar dry, a couple of hours there is enough to experience everything. When it was eventually time to leave, I was escorted to a waiting car that would zip me across to my gate. For once, I didn’t have to choose what kind of champagne or sparkling water or magazine or fruit. The choice was made for me – an S350, instead of a Panamera or a Cayenne. Though this was the one time I’d liked to have made the choice!

But before I tell you about my flight, which I’d been looking forward to because the seat map had shown the load in First as 2 of 8 for the last couple of weeks, I should probably tell you where I was going. And where I was flying to. I was going to Dubai, but I was flying to Bangalore.

Remember the check in agent at Brussels who thought I was crazy when I asked to check my bags through BRU-FRA-BLR-DXB? And my parents who want to admit me to a mental institution (though there’s more to that)? This was the reason. But how could I pass up 8h30 in First for 6h30 and lose out on 2 hours? So I found a long flight on a 747 with low premium loads, and voila, Bangalore.

hahaha, sweet.

I normally skip straight to the pictures but you have a fantastic writing style :cool:

I am enjoying this fun trip.

Very cool report.

oh lord...BLR...too funny. did you have to get a visa? i loved the leela when i stayed there last year. traffic in BLR...not so much.

Indeed!

You lucky b******! ^ My own attempt at FC maximisation turned out less successful when the infamous Dividend Miles rating desk came up with some silly MPM issue, so I ended up having to cut down on my desired routing.

In reference to your FB post, I have been taking notes and have actually started working on my own report, in a sleep-deprived state of semi-consciousness while killing time during one of my KWI layovers. Which is why I'm still debating whether or not to post it, now that the bar has been set so high... ;)

Really enjoying your report, and I'm about as un-PC as they come, but the above is definitely not cool.