During the safety demonstration, when the FA got to the part about the oxygen masks said "In the case of loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. We ask that you stop screaming and then tug firmly on the mask." It totally caught me off guard.

On a jetBlue flight to Fort Myers:

"Welcome aboard flight 711 to San Juan, Puerto Rico."

[Long Pause]

"And now that I have your attention, I will begin the safety briefing ... "

After a particularly rough landing (instead of "Welcome to city XYZ, where the local time is..."), we heard:

(completely deadpan) "We're here. Obviously."

Can't remember the specifics but once after a slightly bumpy landing the PA announcement was "Once Captain Kangaroo has got us to the gate.."

G-day All,
During the early days of Virgin Blue ( DJ ) The FA said during the safety demo " we have a mouth piece for extra inflation and a whistle and light to attract the sharks". Most of us had a good laugh.:eek:

enjoy your day, Ray

Was on a flight once where the announcement went like this after one of those where you're wondering on which side the aircraft will hit the tarmac:

"Welcome to <forgot where>. Civil aviation regulations require our pilots to make a certain number of automated landings each year <pause>. As I'm sure you have figured out, this wasn't one of them".

I think it was a DL flight:

"If you don't know how to use a seat belt buckle by now, you need to get a life."

And if I am seated in the exit row, I do look at the emergency exit door to check if it is "move the lever to the side," or "lift up the red handle." I don't read the card, though, I'll admit.

Virginblue:
Please shut off your mobile phones. If you don't know how to do it please aks any of the children around.

Still makes me laugh....

Not an announcement, but on a flight a year or so ago (DL I think) a FA unrolled a long line of toilet paper in the aisle of the plane, put one end in the toilet, then flushed. Of course the paper went shooting up the aisle and disappeared. I just thought it was pretty strange at the time, but she seemed to be really enjoying herself.

I was just listening to a podcast called "Betty in the sky with a suitcase" made by an FA who I believe to be from DL who described how she did this exact same thing. I think she said she was going to HNL and the eppisoded was made a little over a year ago. I wonder if it was her.

BTW here is the link to the podcast, it is quite funny. http://betty.libsyn.com/

This was a long time ago...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a great plane, a great captain and a great day for flying...what we don't have is a great flight crew.

We thank you for your patience."

They were missing the FA's...if my memory serves me correctly. It might have been the captain, but I really do think it was the flight crew.

Like I said, it was a long time ago. There was a great chuckle throughout the waiting area.

good ones....
 

Years ago, on one of those 105+ degree days in OKC, I was on WN OKC-DAL and the F/A who was doing the safety briefing paused after "in the unlikely event of a water landing..." and said "Yeah right, we'd pay good money for a pilot who could find water between here and Dallas" He then instructed us in an energy saving sidestroke to use until we reached the edge of the hot tub we must have landed in.