What makes me so sure is that the airlines that have discarded this process have shorter turnaround times, and that's the reason that they discarded this process.

It has been stated that boarding order can (a) reward elites and high-paying pax or (b) speed the boarding process. This is true.

It has also been stated that attempts to combine both of these are silly. This is hogwash.

The field of multi-criteria decision making has been around for years and has a number of methods for combining two (or more) criteria for an optimal decision. A standard classroom example is students who want a section of a large course in which they will (a) learn a lot, (b) not have to work hard, (c) be graded easily and (d) not have to get up too early. While it may not be possible to get the best of all four worlds at the same time - the best teacher who assigns the least homework may not also be the easiest grader, or may teach at 8 am - there are many well-known methods for eliminating some of the options and finding the best of the remaining ones. The same concepts apply to boarding.

As an example, suppose an airline put passengers in five groups for speed of boarding. Next, any elites or full-fare passengers who ended up in group 5 would be moved to group 4, and any mid-level or top-level elites then in group 4 would be moved to group 3. That would have little to no impact on boarding time, but would effectively guarantee overhead space somewhere in the vicinity of their seat to all mid-level and top-level elites, and almost guarantee it to bottom-tier elites and full-fare passengers. I'm not saying this is an optimum solution, but it is one approach that provides measurable benefits to those whom an airline wants to reward while not impacting the overall process.

The question of enforcing boarding order is a separate issue. To me, deliberate poachers rank about two levels below pond scum. Tearing up their tickets seems a bit extreme, but forced gate-checking of their carry-ons sounds like a cure.

Good observation. This is similar in concept to the multivariate analysis I use with quantitative data for my dissertation. I'd bet good money that when studying boarding procedures, airline factor in that there will be X percentage of "pond scum" who think that rules don't apply to them.

Of course, sometimes a little knowledge sometimes is worse than no knowledge. In complex systems, what seems reasonable sometimes is false, thereby making the actions of a "devil's advocate" opposite of the intended outcome. Classic example: Adding a lane on a crowded highway could make traffic worse due to latent demand.

I couldn't care less if someone gets on before they are supposed to, however, I too would give a silent cheer for their plans being foiled!

And yet, much of life as we know it here on planet earth could not exist without pond scum. Similarly, most meaningful breakthroughs of human accomplishment are achieved by those who are unwilling to follow the rules of convention in society.

A fair system would be to have gates for self-scanners/boarders. Anyone boarding out of turn won't be allowed to board until the last passenger who boarded correctly.

Have you never flown in Asia (except Japan)?

A fair system would be to have gates as you describe but add a built-in taser for everyone who tried to board out of turn.

You didn't say "No, actually I have a better experience if I successfully circumvent the rules and you all follow them."?

It would be nice if a little logic applied to the boarding - for example, the one group that need overhead space would be the exit / bulkhead rows - they are not allowed ANY of their baggage, including their small purse or coat in the row, it has to be overhead. But it is incredibly rare that they get to board near the beginning - in some cases (AC at LHR I am talking to you) the front bulkhead is the very last bit allowed on board). I will also put my hand up as someone who has boarded ahead of my allotted section, for that very reason. I told the gate agent why I wanted to board early (full flight, me in bulkhead) and she told me it made sense and let me on.

I assume most everyone tries to board early, except on Southwest where it would be slightly obvious if 45 people were trying to stand in an area that was for 15 passengers or whatever.

The worst I saw was that some kid was trying to get on the flight as an unaccompanied minor from PBI-BWI. The gate agent said he needed some kind of form and that he had to walk back to the counter by the gate. We thought it was terrible to suggest a kid to walk by himself in a busy gate area. As it turned out, his parents were with him and they tried to pass him off as an unaccompanied minor so he could get on board first and save seats.

Finally, plenty of people get on Southwest flights claiming they need assistance. They roll down in a wheel chair. Somehow, they're healed on the way down. I think if you need assistance getting on the flight, you should have to wait until everyone else gets off and then you must have assistance getting off the plane. That would stop that nonsense.

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I did, but that was based upon my assumption that it would be a better experience for me, as opposed to boarding later and not being able to stow my carry-on. It was not based upon actual experience - since I've not actually been compelled to do this. But it's true that a fundamental requirement is that other folks do NOT attempt to do this - and if that happens, the individual who tries and succeeds in doing so clearly ends up better off.

Is there a list of what other rules / laws don't you follow because, in your role as judge and jury, you've decided they are unreasonable? Would help out the rest of us to know which rules you choose to follow.

I don't not recall a time when I cheated on purpose. There have been times when I showed up at a gate as the boarding process was underway and did not know which group they were on. In those cases, I left it to the gate agent to shoo me away if it wasn't my turn. I think there have been times when they let me go ahead.

I would prefer that the gate agents send prospective cheaters to the back of the line, but I know that doesn't always happen.

I don't know if anyone has read The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins, but he describes how "cheating" or displaying leeching behaviour as a component of a whole group is beneficial to the population, however, if the proportion of leeches becomes too great the population suffers and will likely die.

It seems an apt metaphor for boarding group cheaters - the system can tolerate a certain number of them and the population as a whole may actually benefit from their behaviour in small numbers (as they're on the plane and being less of a bother to everyone else) but if the proportion of cheaters gets too high then chaos ensues and the plane is delayed. The GA's have to try and catch the cheaters out or their numbers will swell but their existence will prevail unless something is done to terminate repeated attempts at their behaviour, i.e. banning serial cheaters from the airline.

Anyway... Just a bit of Monday fun.