What is equivalent in your eyes may not be in the eyes of someone else. It's not for you to judge or assume someone else's preferences, or to push your preferences onto someone else (which you are doing simply by asking whether you think you are or not).

As others have posted, there are plenty of folks who do attempt to make someone's life a misery if they say no, and none of us can know in advance if the person asking us is one of those.

I struggle to see why, if two people want to sit next to each other they would do anything other than simply book the seats they want next to each other. Why is that so hard for some people to do?

Why do you not just book seats together when that is what you both want and the option is available? You're just being difficult for the sake of it when you could easily avoid being so.

(If you book late and two adjacent seats are not available, just sit separately, it's not the end of the world.)

That�s laudable in principle but of course the devil is in the detail, precisely because you say they tend to be equivalent in your eyes which suggests you are not like most people as most people do value some seats more than others.

I�d say for most people based what we read here and on what airlines charge for different seats when they sell them which is a good approximation of market value, I�d say typically:

- window for window aisle for aisle middle for middle as you�ve already said -and

- emergency or bulkhead is typically valued more than non emergency - and

- people typically prefer seats forward to seats backwards (so not all �neither first nor last� toes are created equal

Do you agree with all of the above?

im also genuinely curious (no passive aggressive intention here) how you came to find yourself over 20 times in situations when you needed to ask for a seat swap over the years? I think I may have found myself maybe wanting one in principle twice in many years of flying and over 200 flights a year some years, closer to 150 some others. I can imagine the situation you describe earlier (book 3 months in, no seats together) happening as a one off but 20 times sounds genuinely enormous to me. Do you book/change your flights at the last minute most of the time? Or do you have an idea of any factor that has led you to not be able to be able to pick or pay for seats together so many times as to want swaps? Again just curious as it may also give us a better sense of specific scenarios when people might not be able to sit together.

I guess that if you attempt to game the system by taking window and aisle in the hope of a free middle, you're going to end up having the conversation with the middle passengers quite a lot of the time. I rather lost sympathy after seeing that. It's a deliberate advantage play.

There's also a very important point. You may be the nicest person on the planet, you may have no intention of becoming angry if what you think is a reasonable request is refused, but there is no way at all for the person being asked to know that or know if there's going to be afters. So it creates tension and stress for the person being asked, and more so for people with social anxiety.

it�s usually because of flight schedule changes and required rebooking - we are always booking seats together when possible.

pretty much agree, with the exception that I find bulkhead less desirable as US planes often have less legroom, even in domestic F. So I don�t ask if I�m in the bulkhead as I regard it as inferior. (Might be different if in lie flat business class but hasn�t happened to me).

And there are other considerations such as lack of windows. I have favorite seats, but not wedded to 8D vs 10C as the reason for my preference is not something I feel deprived if I don�t get.

20 times in 50 years of flying, usually plane swaps, schedule changes , weather related cancellations, that require rebooking, etc. We book far ahead and that happens frequently here in the US. Maybe 5% maximum of our flights so doesn�t seem often to me.

Early in, it used to be due to upgrades occurring at different times, but that was 15 years ago or more.

Except for the window/aisle issue , which I suppose the feeling here is don�t ask for a swap even though most would welcome it. (We often don�t have to ask because it remains empty - we usually pick seats far in the back)

If you're being rebooked, I find it difficult to believe that you just happen to end up with an aisle and a window seat in a row slotted around an already allocated middle seat.

Rebooked into 2 completely different rows I can believe. Rebooked into 2 adjacent seats I can believe. Rebooked in such a way that you have window and aisle in the row, sorry, I think you're making that up to avoid admitting that you play games with the seats you choose and then drag the middle seat occupant into your games when you don't end up with a row to yourselves.

Sorry if I wasn�t clear. I am referring to all the other cases. I said 1/3 of the time involved the scenario you describe. I was talking about the other two thirds.

i only fly coach on short flights. Until this thread, my impression was that all middle seat occupants would be delighted not to have the middle seat. And my experience has been 90% smiles and 9% �sure�, with one person preferring an aisle to my offer of a window.
it was in the BA forum that I read �don�t bother with Club Europe, just book aisle and window and the middle seat would usually stay empty� .

Before covid, it was invariably true. Since , I book club Europe.

Thanks to all who participated in this discussion civilly (the vast majority). With only one pejorative post and one or two seemingly deliberate misrepresentations of what I said, the discourse was definitely more reasonable than the AA forum tends to be.

As for the situation I outlined initially - Since I booked two window seats, I will not be asking to change.

Travel safe.

I think that is the one situation where, because it is so common, that the same issues don't apply. I will also sometimes deliberately book window and aisle with the hope of keeping the middle seat free. But that's an easier one to manage- we're actually travelling together, would you like to swap from the middle to the window or the aisle? I can't see many people who would turn down such an offer.

Indeed, when I am travelling alone and get allocated a middle then I always hope the other two passengers in the row are travelling together. I'm disappointed when they're not!

Interesting. I travel to Paris frequently and call me a masochist but will often deliberately pick a spare middle seat especially if is far enough forward. Of course nine times out of ten the aisle and window are occupied by a couple playing this silly game. Of course I refuse to swap. Petty I know.

Do they talk over you?

I do find the distaste for the window/aisle and swap if the middle is occupied method odd. I always sort my seat out in advance but on the exceptionally rare occasion that I end up in a middle due to last minute shenanigans (once in at least 5 years) I was very happy to find a party of 2 had the window and aisle and offered me my choice.

It feels like if the middle seat remains empty the party of 2 win, if not and the middle occupant switches then they win and the party of 2 are no worse off than in any other pair on a full aircraft.

The percentage of travellers who prefer a middle must be vanishingly small, but it is of course their right to remain there if they find it more comfortable.

Not usually after I've (politely) refused. Amazingly they usually act as though they are the aggrieved party, and surprised they need to sit in the seats they actually booked.

To be fair I only do this on the short Paris flights and when booking late.

The thing that annoys me about this game is that it takes out choices for other couples and groups. On a recent Nice flight the seat map had all 3 rows behind the curtain with the middle seat blocked, meaning any legitimate couple wanting a pair were at least 4 rows back.

And as Nice is such a busy route the likelihood of those spare middle seats sticking is minimal anyway.

If you're trying to change the world, one sneaky seat selecting couple at a time, then you'll get to GGLfL and still not have even made a dent...

Eh�? I always sit in an aisle, exit row if I can get it. Me being there blocks the middle. Plenty of times when flight isn�t super busy there is no one in the middle and someone else in the window. I�ve never met the window person and we are not in cahoots to ruin any couple�s trip.