Jokes
 

I was just at security today. I noticed one of the monitors saying something about no jokes at security. It seems to me that TSA should ban itself--it's a joke at security!

Concur. You should have pointed that out to the screening manager.

Yes.

"Mr. Screening Manager, the sign says 'no jokes' but I see jokes all around me. Did you intend to ban laughs instead?"

This is a clear violation of the 1st Amendment, very much unlike yelling "Fire!" in a crowded theater (which is the example everyone wants to use to defend this silliness).

You should expect to be in trouble if you make a serious statement, like "I have a bomb in my luggage!" but clearly joking, saying, "It's not like I have a bomb, after all," or "What do you think that is? A bomb?" should not cause the reactions it does.

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Like I said, there are jokes all over the place. You just have to learn not to laugh.

For years I've seen signs warning against making gun or bomb related jokes at security checkpoints, well before TSA.

Security wasn't a joke then. :(

So these three TSA agents walk into a bar...

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I've heard bomb commentary (including "bomb" jokes) at the airport, but the TSA couldn't understand the language.

So a Jewish TSO, a Mexican TSO, and frog are flying in a plane....

TSA = Thousands Standing Around.

Oh, and don't call out HI! to your buddy Jack who is across the terminal. :D

Right, 911 was a complete inconvienence.

I always joke with the Security people from El Al -- especially the good-looking female types.

I have never had an adverse reaction to it and it makes the experience more pleasant for both them and me.

What makes TSA so sensitive to this?

Guilt, feelings of inadequacy, and low social esteem.

Coming home from Israel in May I noticed that the security agents were all friendly and professional while I was waiting to have my bags x-rayed prior to checking in with LH. Nothing 'officious' about them, just doing a careful job as they've (I'm sure) been trained to do. TSA could learn a lot by talking to Israeli security. I didn't have any trouble with them.

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Bart, I will give you some examples:

Security: Has anyone given you any packages to carry on board?
Me: You mean other than that nice man from Hizbollah?

Security: Do you have any weapons?
Me: In my hand luggage I have the most dangerous weapon in the history of the world -- a book.

(That one led us to a very philosophical discussion.)

Security: Okay, that's it. You can check in now.
Me: No. I think you should check me a lot more thoroughly. Maybe over dinner when I get back.

(That one, unfortunately, did not lead to a date. Ah well, she was at least 30 years younger than me.)

As long as you do it the right way and keep everyone positive, you can joke with the security people and be as natural as you can. A few years ago a stupid Israeli kid tried to board a plane in London with a hand-gun shaped lighter. In order to prove the security girl it's a lighter and not a gun, he aimed at her and pulled the trigger ... he was released from jail after a few weeks when they realized he is an idiot, not a criminal.

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I don't think they would take me seriously for a second. What kind of terrorist hides a bomb in his suitcase and then announces it to Security?

They would probably crack back, "No problem. I saw it, called the bomb disposal squad, and we're going to blow up your suitcase right after you check it in."

Tell this to TSA.

Bill Mahr addressed this on an HBO special a few years ago when he referred to the questions that were asked on check-in:
Q: "Did you pack it yourself?"
A: "No, Allah helped me. Bad answer?" :p

Exactly. ^

Israeli security is all about preventing guns, bombs and terrorists from boarding airplanes, not simply pushing people around because they can. Irrational paranoia is not endemic there.

The TSA, on the other hand, is all about preventing guns and bombs from boarding airplanes (not really focusing on terrorsts - and rightly so, given the paucity of real terrorists here) AND pushing people around, just because it can. The barking, the yelling - happens nowhere but here. Professionalism? Still waiting, Comrade Daschle.

False bomb threats are illegal in the USA - jokes about bombs are not illegal, unless they rise to the level of a false threat. And reasonable people could debate whether false threats should be illegal at all - given that real terrorist bombers never announce their real bombs prior to detonation.

I think it depends where you are flying out of. The TSA is a direct view to the citizens in that area.

PDX: Cranky
SAN: Friendly
LAX: Hurried and loud and you they all speak spanish
SLC: Friendly but kind of wierd
BOS: Best if you just don't talk to them
SFO: Too busy talking to each other
PHX: Friendly but would obvsiously rather be doing something else

I could go on and on.

I saw this picture in one of my friends myspace profile. Seemed fitting to post here.

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...shakes_136.jpg

Sometimes while standing on a long line at what just happens to be an airport, being poked, proded, pushed, and instructed, (by someone other than my fiance) I wonder where have all the freedoms gone, freedom of speech, freedom of expression, etc.

Security in Israel and at El AL they know how to check and what a real threat is and looks like. They ask you to start small chat and see how you respond. Why the TSA thinks that I would tell them if I had a weapon is beyond me. Also note, that Israeli security people nearly all come from elite or at least combat units where they spend 2-3 years learning to deal with and recognize terrorists. They also go through a serious course in order to prepare for they job. I am not sure if the TSA people have 2-3 years of learning at any level and they sure as heck have no idea what a terrorist looks like or how they act.

They do sometimes announce them--if the objective is to blow up something rather than kill people.

Dad?!

And they do sometimes announce terrorist attacks if the objective is to blow up something and kill people but make sure that they (and not some other outfit) get the "credit". And sometimes they make announcements to give credit to another organization they want to see targeted/discredited.

Like the People's Front of Judea? :D

They do not, however, show up in person at the airport and announce they have a bomb in their suitcase.

Even terrorists who don't mind blowing themselves up tend to frown upon the idea of being locked up.

Well, here's the latest "fad" in Iraq (now showing up in Afghanistan too): kidnap someone and release them in such a way as to make them a suicide bomber, witting or unwitting at that. Either way, the attack is seen to be done by a suicide bomber. Car bombs have been done this way and so have "walk" bombs. This is not new, nor is it surprising.

However, at airports in the US, a terrorist walking into an airport and announcing they have a bomb is certainly anything but commonplace. However, from the behavior of "the authorities", the authorities seem to have a lot of trouble recognizing that.

True.

Not necessarily true (i.e., not to say it's necessarily false either), for terrorists have also shown up at an airport before and announced they had a bomb (when they didn't have bombs although they had guns). And some terrorists who didn't mind suicidal attacks themselves have even welcomed being locked up for a while. (Some later engaged in suicidal terrorist attacks while others didn't.)

I hear that they have a crack suicide squadron (which meant something entirely different 20 years ago).

Getting back to the subject of jokes...well, first off, this is OT, but maybe it will put a smile on your face as you try to help me out here.

I can't for the life of me figure out how the joke goes with the punch line "Rectum? Damn near killed em". I always break a smile just thinking about the punchline, but have long forgot how the actual joke goes.

Someone help out, please?

You're thinking of the Judean People's Front. Splitters!

For the Life of Brian.

Ok, if you really expected that one to work with someone of any age, you need to get out more... :)