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-   Practical Travel Safety and Security Issues (https://www.flyertalk.com/forum/practical-travel-safety-security-issues-686/)
-   -   Jokes (https://www.flyertalk.com/forum/practical-travel-safety-security-issues/603689-jokes.html)

whirledtraveler Sep 20, 2006 5:37 am


Originally Posted by Dovster
I always joke with the Security people from El Al -- especially the good-looking female types.

I have never had an adverse reaction to it and it makes the experience more pleasant for both them and me.

What makes TSA so sensitive to this?

Guilt, feelings of inadequacy, and low social esteem.

Ghery Sep 20, 2006 5:38 am


Originally Posted by Dovster
I always joke with the Security people from El Al -- especially the good-looking female types.

I have never had an adverse reaction to it and it makes the experience more pleasant for both them and me.

What makes TSA so sensitive to this?

Coming home from Israel in May I noticed that the security agents were all friendly and professional while I was waiting to have my bags x-rayed prior to checking in with LH. Nothing 'officious' about them, just doing a careful job as they've (I'm sure) been trained to do. TSA could learn a lot by talking to Israeli security. I didn't have any trouble with them.

Bart Sep 20, 2006 5:42 am

Deleted

Dovster Sep 20, 2006 5:48 am

Bart, I will give you some examples:

Security: Has anyone given you any packages to carry on board?
Me: You mean other than that nice man from Hizbollah?

Security: Do you have any weapons?
Me: In my hand luggage I have the most dangerous weapon in the history of the world -- a book.

(That one led us to a very philosophical discussion.)

Security: Okay, that's it. You can check in now.
Me: No. I think you should check me a lot more thoroughly. Maybe over dinner when I get back.

(That one, unfortunately, did not lead to a date. Ah well, she was at least 30 years younger than me.)

apirchik Sep 20, 2006 5:59 am


Originally Posted by Dovster
Bart, I will give you some examples:

Security: Has anyone given you any packages to carry on board?
Me: You mean other than that nice man from Hizbollah?

Security: Do you have any weapons?
Me: In my hand luggage I have the most dangerous weapon in the history of the world -- a book.

(That one led us to a very philosophical discussion.)

Security: Okay, that's it. You can check in now.
Me: No. I think you should check me a lot more thoroughly. Maybe over dinner when I get back.

(That one, unfortunately, did not lead to a date. Ah well, she was at least 30 years younger than me.)

As long as you do it the right way and keep everyone positive, you can joke with the security people and be as natural as you can. A few years ago a stupid Israeli kid tried to board a plane in London with a hand-gun shaped lighter. In order to prove the security girl it's a lighter and not a gun, he aimed at her and pulled the trigger ... he was released from jail after a few weeks when they realized he is an idiot, not a criminal.

Bart Sep 20, 2006 6:08 am

Deleted

Dovster Sep 20, 2006 8:41 am


Originally Posted by Bart
However, you didn't comment about how Israeli security would react if you were to say something along the lines of "look closely; I don't want you to miss the bomb I hid in there."

I don't think they would take me seriously for a second. What kind of terrorist hides a bomb in his suitcase and then announces it to Security?

They would probably crack back, "No problem. I saw it, called the bomb disposal squad, and we're going to blow up your suitcase right after you check it in."

apirchik Sep 20, 2006 9:08 am


Originally Posted by Dovster
I don't think they would take me seriously for a second. What kind of terrorist hides a bomb in his suitcase and then announces it to Security?

Tell this to TSA.

Bill Mahr addressed this on an HBO special a few years ago when he referred to the questions that were asked on check-in:
Q: "Did you pack it yourself?"
A: "No, Allah helped me. Bad answer?" :p

FWAAA Sep 20, 2006 10:27 am


Originally Posted by Dovster
I don't think they would take me seriously for a second. What kind of terrorist hides a bomb in his suitcase and then announces it to Security?

They would probably crack back, "No problem. I saw it, called the bomb disposal squad, and we're going to blow up your suitcase right after you check it in."

Exactly. ^

Israeli security is all about preventing guns, bombs and terrorists from boarding airplanes, not simply pushing people around because they can. Irrational paranoia is not endemic there.

The TSA, on the other hand, is all about preventing guns and bombs from boarding airplanes (not really focusing on terrorsts - and rightly so, given the paucity of real terrorists here) AND pushing people around, just because it can. The barking, the yelling - happens nowhere but here. Professionalism? Still waiting, Comrade Daschle.

False bomb threats are illegal in the USA - jokes about bombs are not illegal, unless they rise to the level of a false threat. And reasonable people could debate whether false threats should be illegal at all - given that real terrorist bombers never announce their real bombs prior to detonation.

ihateflying7 Sep 20, 2006 10:29 am

I think it depends where you are flying out of. The TSA is a direct view to the citizens in that area.

PDX: Cranky
SAN: Friendly
LAX: Hurried and loud and you they all speak spanish
SLC: Friendly but kind of wierd
BOS: Best if you just don't talk to them
SFO: Too busy talking to each other
PHX: Friendly but would obvsiously rather be doing something else

I could go on and on.

uva185 Sep 20, 2006 11:37 pm

I saw this picture in one of my friends myspace profile. Seemed fitting to post here.

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...shakes_136.jpg

TLVorbust Sep 21, 2006 12:02 am

Sometimes while standing on a long line at what just happens to be an airport, being poked, proded, pushed, and instructed, (by someone other than my fiance) I wonder where have all the freedoms gone, freedom of speech, freedom of expression, etc.


I always joke with the Security people from El Al -- especially the good-looking female types.
Security in Israel and at El AL they know how to check and what a real threat is and looks like. They ask you to start small chat and see how you respond. Why the TSA thinks that I would tell them if I had a weapon is beyond me. Also note, that Israeli security people nearly all come from elite or at least combat units where they spend 2-3 years learning to deal with and recognize terrorists. They also go through a serious course in order to prepare for they job. I am not sure if the TSA people have 2-3 years of learning at any level and they sure as heck have no idea what a terrorist looks like or how they act.

Loren Pechtel Sep 21, 2006 10:10 am


Originally Posted by FWAAA
False bomb threats are illegal in the USA - jokes about bombs are not illegal, unless they rise to the level of a false threat. And reasonable people could debate whether false threats should be illegal at all - given that real terrorist bombers never announce their real bombs prior to detonation.

They do sometimes announce them--if the objective is to blow up something rather than kill people.

mikeef Sep 21, 2006 2:32 pm


Originally Posted by Bart
I used to walk to school barefoot, in the snow and it was an uphill walk...both ways!"

Dad?!

GUWonder Sep 21, 2006 2:43 pm


Originally Posted by Loren Pechtel
They do sometimes announce them--if the objective is to blow up something rather than kill people.

And they do sometimes announce terrorist attacks if the objective is to blow up something and kill people but make sure that they (and not some other outfit) get the "credit". And sometimes they make announcements to give credit to another organization they want to see targeted/discredited.


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