Would this e-mail offend you?
 

I received an e-mail confirmation today from Lana Thai Villas in Chiang Mai (it is the private residence on the grounds of the Four Seasons) that included the following:

I have to tell you, and I hope you will not take offense, but being a
family oriented property our guest are not allowed to invite outside
visitors.

This really took me by surprise. It was written in a personal confirmation message from the manager, it's not like it's generic copy that they send out to everyone. And the "family-oriented" phrase just kills me. I've never been to Thailand before - does every single male traveler go there looking for sex? I mean, my whole purpose for wanting to stay here is that after being in Bangkok for 5 days, it sounds like a great place for peace and relaxation. Now this has kind of soured me on the whole place.

Am I overreacting? Would this bother you? Do you think I should I respond in some way?

They probably had an unhappy situation in the past involving a single male and his "guest" and was giving notice that this would not happen again on his property.I would not take offence.

I would definitely be bothered and offended if I had received this in a confirmation email. Maybe you should write back and ask him exactly what he meant by it (knowing full well what he meant).

It is very poorly worded and sounds very strong. If you happen to find a love of your life why not then just register the person.

Enjoy Chiang Mai. I was there ten years ago. We rented a car and drove to the Chiand Rai on the Burmese boarded.

I'm a straight guy and I didn't find that as I traveled alone in Thailand that people assumed I was gay or that I was only looking for sex. I'd just chalk up his strangely worded email to the fact that English is a second language and not worry about it.

Enjoy your vacation! ^

Unless you told him you're gay, there's o way he would know. So the strange comment is based on some combination of your being (1) from whatever country you're from, (2) male, and (3) traveling alone. I agree, it's probably that they've had bad experiences with males traveling alone in the past. Unless there's an indication that this is directed at you individually, or at gay people, or at people from your country, I don't think I'd be offended.

It's true that in the US "family-oriented" can be code for "gay people not welcome", I doubt that that's what it means in this case. If you didn't tell them you're gay, it couldn't mean that.

I actually do not think that there is any gay subtext here. The fact of the matter is that prostitution in Thailand is quite common both straight and gay. Many hotels (usually mid to low end) try to combat that at their properties by not allowing guests. Some hotels charge extra if you bring a guest.

What is most distrubing to me however is that it's on the grounds of the Four Seasons. I am not familiar with the Villa's you are staying at, but generally high end properties do not have such "no guest" policies.

From what I've read and heard, the sex trade, gay and straight, is very much alive and well in Thailand. Moreover, this might be what the manager had to deal with just before he processed the reservations that day.

After that note, I'd assume that I could get away with nothing, even if the opportunity for frolic came up. And that would put a damper on my vacation.

So, I'd choose to move on...let them have their "family" resort. Take my $$$ and my gay $$$ elsewhere.

When I was at a youth hostel in Costa Rica, the story was retold of a German tourist guy (in his 30's) who booked one night in a dorm room, and then went out and brought a female hooker back for some fun! ;) He was on top of her, so the story goes, when the manager came into the room and requested they leave immediately. :rolleyes:

Some people just don't understand limits.

Best wishes,
BertG

No ladyboys for you this trip. :D

Many of the posts above are correct in that prostitution (both gay and straight) is very common in Thailand and many Western men travelling alone partake in those services. Actually most mid to high end hotels do not allow their guests to bring in outside guests. Many lower end places charge extra for outside guests. I'm not sure what the common policy would be to add an additional registered guest (should one meet someone that they want to spend a lot of time with).

With regards to the e-mail, I would not particularly take offense to the statement "family oriented" as being anti-gay. English is usually a second language for many Thais (and not very well at that). Since you're planning on simple relaxation, this should not present a problem. However, if you think you may want to invite people you meet while in Chiang Mai to your room, it might be better to stay elsewhere.

BTW, I'm originally Thai although don't claim to be that familiar with many of the customs since I only visit once a year and have been in the US virtually all of my life.

Offended? Not really.

I am wondering under what kind of "family values" system it's wrong to have friends, associates or family come visit you at your hotel? I do this quite regularly, and I'd be pretty upset if I were barred from doing so. You're paying for your stay - they aren't.

I would definitely be offended, and would consider moving to another property.

Allowing for English not being their native tongue, I would still be miffed at the choice of "family-oriented" in the email because:

a) we're family, and we all have families

b) it presupposes that gay people have no discretion, whatever the management's prior experiences have been

c) we're paying customers

d) any concerns on their part could simply be addressed as "refrain from having non-guests" to your room, which could include other security matters, etc.

e) to me, "FAMILY" is a thinly-veiled reference to "if you're not straight, then stay VERY well hidden in the closet and we will still take your money."

It doesn't exactly look like a gay specific thing IMHO. It could apply to straight and gay people. Maybe something could have happened that was referring to either a striaght or GLBT person. I would hope that the manager would be sending this message out to all guests making a reservation.
If you feel that ofended you always have the right to take your business elsewhere. I'm sure that, having read these messages, some travellers will want to do the same.

I don't think this has anything at all to do with being Gay. I read it as a hotel trying to make it clear that it caters to families and that it does not want guests coming in there with prostitutes.

To give you a slight idea of how rampant the sex trade is in Thailand, I first went there while in military service in 1966. I was billeted for two nights at a private hotel which had been completely rented out by the Departmet of Defense.

In the elevator, on our way up, the bellhop asked me if I wanted him to send a girl to my room. When I passed on his offer, he asked me in surprise "Why? What's wrong with you?"

When I clicked on this thread, I had no idea that it was in the GLBT forum. I not untill a few posts down, when somebody mentioned that they weren't assumed to be gay when travelling in Thailand that I finally looked and realized this.

I think the comment had nothing to do with the politicized term "family orientated" thrown around in the US. I think what the manager was saying, is that the Four Seasons is a resort with many familys and foreign tourists, and he would like to keep "guests" (male OR female) that may offend people out of his resort. Sounds simple enough.

I wouldn't take offense if I were you.