Flight Attendant/Pilot Humor
 

I noticed some other airline forums have threads about jokes heard on flights with that airline. Since jetBlue's inflight crewmembers are known to have great personalities and sometimes a great sense of humor, please post here any jokes you recall hearing on jetBlue flights (or even other airlines).

Like the Plane Name Game, this is just for fun!

I'll get this started:

Summer of 2004, landing in LGB:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're sorry about that landing - it was not the captain's fault, it twas not the first officer's fault...it was the asfault!"

Winter a few years ago, landing in FLL:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we'd like to welcome you to San Juan where the local time is 8:30pm...(pause, people confused for a minute)...oops, wrong city...welcome to Fort Lauderdale!"

Thanksgiving weekend 2005, FLL-JFK flights were delayed about 30-45 minutes:
captain comes on after takeoff..."Folks, we're sorry about the delay today. You can bet I'll get us up to JFK as fast as possible, because I have a connection flight to Detroit and if I get home late for dinner, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Yesterday, MSY-JFK, funniest inflight crewmember I ever had:
"Welcome aboard jetBlue flight number 129 with nonstop service to JFK. Our inflight crewmembers flying with you today are Kevin in the rear, Julia at mid-cabin...I think I just screwed up her name so she's a little angry at me (people laugh), Susan in the front...she just started working for jetBlue last month and her previous employment was at a Brooklyn pizza parlar (people start cracking up!) and my name is Chuck. Our captain is Captain Mike, who started flying with us yesterday so you're in great hands with us and he's assisted by first officer Ben." Upon landing..."Welcome to NYC where the current local time is about 9:44pm...or something like that!"

Hope you enjoyed these! Looking forward to reading many jokes to come on this thread..........

Various Flights:
“We are now dimming the cabin lights so that we can enhance the appearance of the person sitting next to you and your cabin crew…”

SMF to IAD:
"Smoking is prohibited on all jetBlue flight and the state of California... so all you smokers onboard"

LGB to OAK:
“Please remain seated with your seatbelt fasten till we come to a complete stop at the gate and the captain turns off the seatbelt sign.” (Arriving at the gate) “Not yet… just a few more seconds” (stopped at the gate) “hey you in the back, did the captain turn off the seat belt sign yet?” (Seat belt sign turns off) “Ok, now you can unbuckle your seatbelt”

SMF to JFK:
“Welcome onboard jetBlue flight 265 with nonstop service to New York JFK, our flight tonight will be 17 hours and 59 minutes…”

JFK to OAK:
“Thank you for flying jetBlue, if you love the jetBlue experience, feel free to tell you friends and family about us… and for those that didn’t, thank you for flying Delta.”

OAK to JFK:
(after some heavy turbulence) “Wow, either we just hit some turbulence or some of you are having a little too much fun back there”

LGB to OAK:
“Like the state of California, all jetBlue flight is nonsmoking, however, if you have to smoke, feel free to just step outside where you can enjoy our special screening of Gone with the Wind”
(heard a similar one on Southwest too)

Various Flights:
“We are now dimming the cabin lights so that we can enhance the appearance of the person sitting next to you and your cabin crew… “

We can only hope they don't start the amateur comedian routines...
 

Probably the only benefit of WN morphing into a legacy carrier is that their FA's rarely do this stuff anymore. Let's hope B6's FA's realize this.

It's not at all "amateur comedian routines." Southwest FA's tend to joke around the majority of the flight...on jetBlue, when there are jokes once in a while, it's better that they are during mandatory announcements and not during the flight when people are trying to sleep or watch TV. I even recall jokes on TWA back in the day and even at an American Airlines gate at DFW last year...it all depends on the specific employee and if they have a passion for what they do. Life is too serious and a good sense of humor is very important. JetBlue's crewmembers must abide by a set of 5 values: safety, caring, integrity, fun and passion. These 5 values, especially the "fun" can be seen by many customers when flying for jetBlue...it's one factor that greatly contributes to jetBlue's success.

It amazes me how some people are so serious and don't like to laugh...there's nothing wrong with having a little fun on an airplane...as long as the mandatory FAA announcements get across, which they do. Delta Song's announcements were the most annoying, however. Trying to be funny is not great...you gotta be funny!

And this thread was not created to be a commentary on what one thinks of inflight jokes made by the crew. It's more just for fun...to post jokes you have heard on flights! So please post the jokes you've heard. Thanks...

Don't know when you last flew WN, but they hardly "joke around the majority of the flight". Thankfully, they don't joke much at all anymore. I (and a whole bunch of fellow pax I've talked with) would be happy if B6 FAs were able to get the damn drinks and snacks out on time on OAK-LGB flights - oh, and maybe a napkin would be nice too. I guess my standards are now lower, since the dirty TV screens and almost-impossible-to-push IFE buttons don't seem to bug me as much - just a sign that B6 planes are getting older and there isn't sufficient maintenance money to dedicate to IFE stuff? Maybe less time joking, more time offering a full drink and snack selection on short routes would be nice (even WN is able to do this on most intra-CA flights) - B6 service ain't what it was a year or two ago.

Relax!! Delays with the flight crew getting the snacks happen on all airlines. I've had short and medium haul flights on Northwest, Continental, and United Express where the crew was strickly business and no "joking around" and they still had delays getting the beverages. One flight was approximately 85 minutes flying time and I didn't get my drink until 26 minutes before landing.

I've been flying B6 twice weekly OAK-LGB for quite a while since those to airports are closest to where I need to be, and the less-than-full and delayed service is on virtually all flights. Ditto the worn-out IFE systems - at least half the planes I've been on are showing serious wear to the buttons and screens.

I can never forget the one my father told me about a TWA flight from New York to Miami back in the old days when hijackings to Cuba occasionally happened:

"Welcome onboard, we are happy to have you as our guests today on our way to Miami or possibly Havanna."

So, let me ask you a question if you don't mind - since you're so unhappy with the service you receive on jetBlue, why don't you do the following:

1. Write to jetBlue on their website (Speak UP) and tell them how you feel.
2. If things in your view don't improve, stop flying them.

You probably fly them because you know you're getting a fair deal and better service than other airlines. I fly jetBlue (not as frequent as you say you do) but frequently, about 4 legs per month, ranging anywhere from 300 miles to 2,400 miles. On my recent flights, I've never found the buttons on the armrest for IFE hard to use at all. In fact, they are quite easy. Some older planes (still relatively young at less than 7 years) are getting harder to press the IFE buttons, however this is certainly not the majority of the time.

I've only experienced a dirty screen once and I asked the FA to please wipe/clean it and she gladly did right away. You should do the same. Things do get dirty - I'm sure after a few weeks, your computer screen gets fingerprints and whatnot on it.

At least you're still served a snack on jetBlue...and OAK-LGB is a short hop.

Maybe Southwest ran out of stuff to joke about.. I mean, I been on a few flights where I swear I heard that joke like a few times on past Southwest flights.

I really don't know what you are talking about service wise. I have never had a problem with Jetblue in my years of flying them. However, if you have complaints about Jetblue, can you start a new thread. It has nothing to do with what we are talking about.

[QUOTE=jetBlueNYFL]

You probably fly them because you know you're getting a fair deal and better service than other airlines.

No, I fly them because OAK is closest to my home and LGB is much closer to my client than any other SoCal airport. The service/price is no better than any other carrier; the city pair is the sole reason - their FF program, which is abysmal, is certainly no enticement. The IFE is nice if it works properly.

Nope....sounds like they just handed off their old stuff to B6?!? These jokes have been around since the DC-3!!

I actually find TrueBlue to be a great program. Sure, at first it was very limited. However, you might be unaware that they are now partners with American Express and you can transfer AMEX Award Dollars in 250 increments to top off your TrueBlue account. And don't forget about the jetBlue card from AMEX - 25 TrueBlue points just for signing up, only a $40 annual fee and only 20,000 (miles) for a free ticket, compared tot 25,000+ at other airlines, No last-minute award booking fees like some airlines (AA) charge, actually very easy to earn, accumulate and REDEEM free flights and a whole bunch of other great stuff.

If you fly LGB-OAK as often as you say you do, and you book your flights online and take advantage of special bonus offers (such as the online checkin 2 TrueBlue points bonus a few months ago), then you should have no problem at all with the program. Keep in mind, it takes time to build and improve the Flight Gratitude program.....Rome wasn't built in a day either!

Please take the advice of several other posters here and start a new thread on your issues with jetBlue. I'll gladly talk to you there about it, as this is clearly off topic.

This thread is about jokes made during announcements from inflight crewmembers and pilots. Thank you.

I was on a JFK to FLL flight when the pilot wound up on the wrong approach to the runway in a construction zone. The announcement over the PA was something along the lines that the air traffic control had directed us there and now we had to wait for the port authority to escort us while we get pushed back to the gate across an active runway.

That wasn't exactly funny...

--Russ