Is there a thing called "Japanese claustrophobia"?
 

I'm not sure how to describe it but recently I feel really claustrophobic living in Japan.

Everything seems civil and orderly on the onset but discover so many unwritten procedures and non spoken yet readily accepted rules of conduct that I feel like I am in a very small closet, hand cuffed and smothered.

For example, our neighborhood is instituting clear garbage bags only and you must sign the outside of the garbage your name. This starts in January. This is on top of the wash your cans and jars before recycling and newspapers and advertising are supposed to be separated etc..... - SIGH -

Or went to purchase a simple wallet calendar. Saw the last one I wanted and picked it up, went to the cash register. Was informed, this is not the last one but need to go to a different area because where I was looking was only samples. The rest of the calendars were located on the other side of the store. Wouldn't have dreamed that the inventory was that far away.....

Went to 711 to pick up a snack. Told the cashier that I don't need a bag because I was going to eat it right away. She told me, please don't! This neighborhood doesn't like people eating and walking. Got home and my wife agreed with her and said "This is Japan, not Canada, not China."

I can't seem to do anything right (the Japanese way) and I am feeling really suffocated.

It's called culture shock. It comes and goes.

Worse still is reverse culture shock, when you find yourself back in your home country wondering why people don't conform to the unspoken rules that seem like second nature to you now. It took me a while to get reacclimated to the idea that people can sit wherever they like in meetings...

At least, garbage collection is not 'unwritten' rules, for example


http://www.city.yokohama.lg.jp/shige...mg/english.pdf

What jib said. :)

Garbage separation and not walking and eating are as common here as are tipping and Christmas vacation in the West. Some days it seems odd, some days we are indifferent, some days it seems intriguing and appealing. Trying to be Japanese is a phrase I often hear from expats, but it is as silly to expect to be someone else than it is to actually be someone else. Be yourself, accept that there are differences and that whether they are good or bad are merely value judgements, Equally valid from person to person, but nonetheless quite consciousness dominating at times. The pendulum swings become less and less as time goes by. Come to Tokyo and have a meal with me if you get too frustrated, I will be glad to talk you through it.

As everyone else has said, it takes time to get used to the differences. Culture shock is a [insert expletive of choice].

My city now has seven (!) types of garbage, and there is at least one category up for collection every day of the week... different types of garbage go into different types of bags, paper is divided out into three different varities, and just yesterday I got a booklet explaining that yet another type of plastic garbage would need to be separated come February. :rolleyes:

The unwritten rules, such as "it's not nice to eat while walking" and so on, can feel even more stifling, as there is no handy "ハローごみ"-type booklet to consult, leaving one in constant fear of violating some societal norm. After a number of years, I think I finally understand most of these, but new mystifying customs and standards of behaviour still routinely crop up. Honestly, the trick (at least for me) was to simply come to terms with the fact that it is never really possible for a foreigner to completely assimilate into Japanese society, realise that I will always stand out as "different," and just stop caring so much. :)

As jib71 says, the reverse culture shock actually seems harder to deal with, but also helps put things into perspective. Currently, I split my time between Kansai and Shanghai, and when I'm in SH, I often find the apparent lack of order and politeness extremely tiring and angering for the first few days. When I return home to the Midwest US, I now find many parts of American culture a bit baffling, and am dismayed to have to worry again about things like "bad neighbourhoods" and "violent crime." When I get back to Japan, the restoration of order can actually seem a relief.

It'll get better over time and Japan will start to seem more normal and comfortable. :)

I am pretty sure there is no way for this to work unless your neighborhood is full of old people who have nothing better to do but police the garbage rules. Which, granted, includes about 95% of the territory of Japan...

I have lived in the 23 wards for the last few years and have never had to put my name on my trash, unless I was throwing out a large item that required a surcharge, and even in that case they let you use your phone number if you don't want to use your name. Indeed I am surprised that autographing your trash is a rule in today's Japan, where people are pretty crazy about their privacy.

You said too much. Just say "sono mama" and leave it at that.

And some wonder why Japanese people don't like talking to strangers...

That's it in a nutshell. Do as your told, and for everything else, "don't ask, don't tell". You don't need to get into the reasons why you don't need a bag.

In Japan, you have the freedom to do whatever you want, so long as you don't do it in front of others.

Out of curiosity what kind of snack?

I must confess that I have eaten onigiri on occasion while walking down the street, solely for lack of time to sit down for a meal. Fortunately nobody ever scolded me, perhaps because I was moving too quickly.

You'd be surprised at the number of Japanese people who don't do things the Japanese way (note: this is pretty much everyone except housewives and old people, mostly women as old men just do whatever they want).

Actually, the person at 7/11 was really rude and I would have honestly told them to shut up. Tons of people walk around while eating stuff.

I've had some people try and tell me about the "Japanese way" (like the guy drinking a one cup Ozeki at 2 PM who was going on about me jaywalking) and I just ignore them or walk away. If you listened to what the "Japanese way" is you'd get the impression that Japan is some place where people sit around a campfire in the forest singing kumbaya all the time.

A couple of rice balls.

You just described our neighborhood. The garbage Nazi lives beside the garbage drop off point. First time I went to drop off my garbage, this 80 year old told me I had no right to drop off garbage at that spot. When I explained I married the daughter down the street, she apologized and said "we must protect the garbage spot from strangers..." - SIGH -

I may be Canadian but of Japanese heritage. I look Japanese therefore they expect me to live like a Japanese.

I have actually heard a young mother explaining to her child that "I am handicapped so have patience" because I was trying to read a sign in Japanese characters. (Sounding the characters out)

I wish I am naturally blond and Caucasian. Then there will be no chance of been mistaken as learning disabled but have some patience for being a gaijin.

I appreciate everybody's kind words. Just feel a bit Japan-ed out.

I totally understand what you are feeling! I think it's harder in your situation because you look Japanese. When I visit relatives in Japan, I am exhausted because my "Japaneseness" had atrophied so much. Relearning those habits and manners can be physically demanding. The Japanese will give the gaijin a lot of leeway, while those of us who look Japanese but are essentially gaijin can confuse and sometimes anger them. My wife has a Chinese friend who had a hard time when she did a college semester in Japan, while her black and white classmates had a great time.

I hope things will get easier for you. Good luck!

I have a friend in Tokyo who is Chinese-American from a small town in the Midwest. When I asked him how he likes Japan, he said "It's so great -- nobody thinks I'm weird just because I'm Asian!"

Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

The worst part of life in Japan is that KFC never has Popcorn Chicken. :(

Yea, but at least they're open on Christmas Day!

Being white in Japan means that people won't think you're learning disabled, they'll just treat you like you are.

The culture things comes and goes in cycles. Over time the cycles get longer and less pronounced. You kind of need to treat it as a game.

I'm sure there are no penalties for ignoring garbage rules. There never are for local ordinances. If the garbage Nazis hassle you, just tell them its a privacy/ human rights things and threaten to report them to the police for violation of the national privacy laws.

I'm surprised anyone working at 7/11 these days is Japanese and knows about Japanese etiquette.

The reason that you get different treatment as a non-Caucasian Asian is not because they don't know you're a foreigner, it's because the Japanese are racists and believe other Asians are below them on the pecking order.

Gaijin da!
 

Forgot their rules. You get the automatic gaijin pass for everything and make sure that you use the card as often as possible. The Japanese do not expect you to know or understand their 10,000 page handbook.

Just make sure you don't write too many gomen nasai letters to the omawarisan.

I Love It Here!
 

All the Japanese cultural oddities seem normal and weirdly logical now that I have been coming here for 30 years on business.

Also, goinggoinggone is absolutely correct: You get a "Gaijin-Pass" for any perceived cultural slight or misdemeanor you commit, so don't worry so much.
I eat food on the street all the time, and nobody ever gives me a second look.
I do, however, always respect the no cell phone talking on public transportation or in restaurants rule, because I too believe that it is very rude and disrespectful behavior, so much so that when I am back in America and hear people talking on their cell phones in public, it now drives me crazy.

Visiting on business is a different kettle of fish to living in Japan as one of the extraordinary ordinaries.

That "Gaijin Pass" is only for non-Asians that distinctly look the part of a Gaijin.

It also doesn't work very well if you have a Japanese spouse or other family members. People will bypass you and go to them with your transgressions, causing a lot of internal strife.

This is so true.

Like many things in Japan, it is true so long as you think it is true.

How Zen!

Yes, you can indeed stop nosy Japanese from embarrassing your relatives with reports of your actions by simply refusing to believe that they are happening. :rolleyes:

After you eat the snack, where will you toss the wrapper? THAT is still the only thing that bothers me as a tourist. Well that, and getting shoved around デパ地下 by elderly women.

There are nutty people everywhere, particularly in what amount to retirement communities. As someone who grew up in Florida, perhaps I am just immune to it. That said, if your family take strangers' sides against you, it means that either you are seriously in the wrong, or it's time to find a new family.

That's part of the subtle hints given to visitors. There is no public garbage can (except in certain areas of extreme congestion) because, in public, you are not supposed to be doing something that warrants the need of depositing garbage in transit.

Oh please. It's entirely possible to defend your family member in public (as Mrs. Taiwaned is probably doing) and chide them for their actions in private (as Mrs. Taiwaned is probably doing). In fact, that's the expected form of doing things in order that everyone can save face (which is the basic problem that Japanese have with foreigners: doing things in a way that forces somebody into embarassment)

Nobody will ever understand Japanese society without a fundamental understanding of the concepts of Uchi-soto.

*yawn* Care to tell us about the chrysanthemum and the sword while you're at it? :rolleyes:

*yawn* No, I'm good. Continue playing the role of the uneducated American, as that will be more palatable for Japanese than knowing that you are being knowingly rude.

Were you peaking into our kitchen? Cause that is exactly what happened.

As for Uchi-soto or chrysanthemum and the sword , no idea what that is.

Even though my blood is technically pure Japanese, you folks are much more Japanese than I ever hope or want to be.

You can boil down the essence in an American's quote, by Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

All you have to do is learn where all of the noses are.

That's a great line and a very good way of thinking about it.

This discussion reminds me of an American guy who I used to work with in Tokyo -- he moved here from Germany, where he lived for several years and had learned the language pretty well. I asked him what life in Frankfurt was like and he complained about how he was constantly being watched by his neighbors and chided every time his house wasn't in order or his garbage wasn't properly disposed of. :p For this guy, Tokyo was a sort of oasis from that minor hell, amusing as it might sound to those who see Japan as the exact same minor hell.

Taiwaned: not to criticize you, but you sound really self-conscious based on what you post on FT. I recall you worrying in another thread about having ID that would make you seem to be Japanese, while in this thread it almost sounds like you are having trouble not seeming foreign enough. Self-consciousness is a very good trait to have here, inasmuch as some people come to this country and never bother to learn where the noses are (to misappropriate hailstorm's expression). The key is to learn about others' expectations and not to let the self-consciousness overpower you on a day-to-day basis.

All that said, when you talked about that incident where someone thought you were mentally disabled, two things came to my mind:

1) That lady was really rude to say anything like that within earshot of you, and

2) If I saw someone babbling to themselves out loud in broken Japanese in the middle of the street, I would probably also assume that they had a mental problem.

It sounded more funny than anything, actually. In fact, I recall a Seinfeld episode where Kramer was shot up with Novocaine at the dentist and then met a lady on the street who assumed that he was disabled because he couldn't speak properly...

Anyway, not taking yourself too seriously can do wonders for your sanity. I speak from first-hand experience here. Mind your manners but don't be surprised when you make mistakes and either look stupid or have to apologize to people...

On that point, another thing I picked up a long time ago is that apologies go a long way even if you didn't really do anything wrong in your own view. Many people here say sumimasen reflexively, and it does wonders to defuse stand-offs, particularly if you follow up with a token gift or gesture of some kind to make the other person feel obliged to be nice to you in the future. If that doesn't have a positive effect, then they're an insufferable sociopath and you are just out of luck.

Besides that, don't worry about "uchi-soto" and all the other sociological revelations about Japan that are floating around; I find that these concepts can seem true on their face in certain contexts but break down in other contexts, and are anyway not fundamentally different from practices you can see in other societies and cultures. Japanese people have very diverse views of the world, and it irritates me to no end when people speak as if there is one social/cultural gestalt defining how they think and react. Hence my dismissive comment above. Far better to try to get an idea of what reasonable concerns the individuals around you would have...

OTOH, here in the UK, a family friend suffered a stroke and managed to get himself to the emergency room of a hospital. Despite being fully aware of what was being said, he wasn't able to voice his answers to any questions. Rather than assuming that there was a problem in his brain (which there was), the people on duty got it into their heads that he was a foreigner and ran around to find people who asked him the same questions in a bunch of different languages - ending up with "Do you speak Urdu?" (which you would agree is most unlikely, if you could see him) - until someone finally twigged what was up. In retrospect it's quite funny. He's doing fine now.

Knows Kanemaru and quotes Gide. I'm doubly impressed.

Another helpful thing to know when trying to get along with the neighbors is that, in Japan, an apology is an acknowledgement of the other party's pain, NOT an admission of guilt, and as such, unless you are at a distinctly higher social level than the other party, a sumimasen or moshiwake gozaimasen should ALWAYS be used before trying to explain yourself.

This was explicitly explained to me by a kacho in my early days in the company, as people complained that I was too confrontational. I ended up getting much better results professing my sorrow right off the bat, then explaining the course of my actions. I actually won more arguments that way as well, though usually in the course of admitting that there might have been a better way to take others feelings into account and pledging to do so in the future.

I heard a story from an American-born Caucasian Japanese history scholar who is perfectly fluent in Japanese. He was on the phone, ordering tickets in Japanese, and everything went smoothly until he had to give his name. As soon as the other person heard a gaijin name, the person replied "eh, chotto matte," and left to find someone who spoke English. It was the scholar's way of relaying that in some ways he could never be fully accepted into Japanese society.

I agree with the others in trying not to take every societal rule too seriously, as it will probably drive you crazy.

He would not have had that particular issue if he had naturalized and taken on a Japanese sounding name...

Why try to be uchi when (as a gaikokujin) you will always be soto?

Taiwaned is a nikeijin so his circumstances are somewhat different than most other gaijin, but he can be like my Canadian-Japanese friend and just always speak English (or whatever) in public so they just give up and walk away.

As for the gaijin speaking Japanese, I always have to repeat myself when I am in Japan because the locals still cannot believe that nihongo is coming from a westerner's mouth (no it's not because it's Osakaben). I equate it to this situation; if you were walking down the street and a dog asked you a question in perfect English you would be so shocked that you wouldn't actually comprehend the question and would say "what the...?" In most situations I am the talking dog.

When I hear stories like this I honestly wonder whether I live in the same country as these other people do. Perhaps this sort of thing was more common 20 or 30 years ago, but I can't imagine that anyone of room-temperature intelligence is still stuck in the mindset that foreigners don't speak Japanese, especially given all the Japanese-speaking foreigners who appear on TV these days.