How to spot an awful restaurant without going inside
 

Having read the "restaurants to avoid" thread, I started thinking about some more general recommendations to help me avoid bad restaurants when I travel. Some rules of thumb I have lived by lately include:

- Avoid any restaurant with “Taco” in the name
- Avoid any restaurant that gives too many points on the Rewards Network (iDine) program, there is a reason they are paying you to eat there
- Avoid any restaurant that has a charismatic guy at the front door trying to lure in tourists & other suckers
- Avoid any restaurant that has a faux ethnic theme

Any generalized suggestions that you have noticed? Specifically, I am looking for characteristics of places that so obviously represent poor quality or overpriced food that I do not even have to walk in the door of the place to figure that out.

Avoid all restaurants that has clientle consisting only of tourists...or empty.

I look at the menu posted outside (where available). Generally, a pretty good clue.

Watch out for any place with words, "Steaks, Seafood, Cocktails" on the sign.

Avoid any restaurant that has rodents running out the front door, or rodents on the menu. :D

A dead empty restaurant.

Are you kidding? Those are the words which would make me walk right in. To me it connotes comfy booths, servers in sensible shoes, good martinis, dim lighting and a decent shrimp cocktail to go along with the martini. ^

Calvin Trillin says to never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Calvin Trillin is the best food writer and observer of dining out there. I completely trust his advice. Happy to meet another fan of Calvin Trillin.

Gotta agree wit youz on dat! :) Just had a great ribeye at Del Frisco's in LAS.

Check outside for a posted menu. You don't want any major surprises, even though the "best" places won't likely post menus. The "worst" places also won't, and if it's a "best" place you'll already likely have heard of it. (Those tales about unsuspecting travelers in various places in Middle/Eastern Europe being billed for $1K each and beaten if they refuse to pay are too prevalent to ignore entirely.)

After checking for a posted menu, look inside and see if the restaurant is crowded or empty. If empty, walk on. If crowded, check to see the expressions of the people when they come out. Do the people look happy or vaguely dissatisfied and frowning?

If NO people are coming out, this is either a very good sign or else a very bad sign. . . . :p

You can't see it from outside, but if you go in and see a bunch of un-bussed empty tables, it's always a bad sign.

If it's empty. Or if it's not as crowded as those other restaurants next to it.

Alright, alright...in a perfect world "steaks, seafood, cocktails" suggests big, strech-out booths, amateur but very friendly service, good real drinks (and we're not talking "martooni's" or Long Island Iced Teas or Chivas on ice), and perfectly cooked steaks without the whole "how do you want your's cooked?" litany. But more often then not it means silly drinks (Sex on the Beach, Fuzzy Navel), crappy salad bar, sketchy bogs, crumbly shrimp (usually the only "seafood" offered, along with lobster tail at "market price" -- watch out for those lobster speculators at table 3A!), a paltry wine list to complement the silly drinks, pretentious customers who think paying $28.99 for a "choice cut" licenses them to be obnoxious and patronizing to the wait staff, and a ridiculously overpriced fare that is essentially gussied-up fast food. The clientele usually has no idea that they are being fleeced by the whole sham, and couldn't tell the difference between tenderloin and T-bone if blindfolded. The good "steaks, seafood, cocktails" gigs are completely unpretentious; the bad ones are pretentious about being unpretentious. The good ones treat eveyone like an old friend; the bad ones, like old underwear.

Any restaurant with insects crawling around.

"Themed" restaurants...

Well, you do have to go inside to hear the waitress say, "I'm Mandy and I'm going to be your server tonight" to which I generally respond... "I'm Rita and I'm going to be your customer tonight."

Ugh

I usually just ask the locals where to go when I'm in an unfamiliar city. People are usually happy to talk about their favorite place to eat, and often the best restaurants are the hole-in-the-wall places that don't advertise. I'm usually careful about asking at the hotel, because I often get the feeling they have agreements to recommend certain restaurants. However, asking shopkeepers, taxi drivers, or folks on the street will usually get you a decent local meal.

1. Never eat at a place with pictures of the food outside.
2. Never eat at a place with the menu in multiple languages with pictures of various countries' flags.
3. Never eat at a place with a "tourist menu".
4. Never eat at a place with plastic/rubber "replicas" of the food outside.

I have all of these in abundance in the town where I live, and learned the hard way.

You'll miss a bunch of great little hole-in-the-wall places in northern and southern California that way, though.

But for national chains, generally yes. :)

Taco Diner in Dallas is a good resturaunt. Owned by some of the same family that owns Mia's and Mi Cocina. If you go to any of these, have the brisket tacos.

Unless one finds oneself in Cusco...then cuy might just be the house specialty... :D

Actually, I've had good meals at places that have each of the
warning signs, up to and including the insects.

Did the roach legs add flavor?

You might go hungry in Venice.

Avoid any place with a dirty bathroom. If the bathroom (which you can visit) is dirty, imagine what the kitchen (which you can't) must be like!

Been to a chinese joint lately?

The order of importance:
FOOD
then
Dining room
then
Kitchen
then
bathroom

Normally they only get the top 3.

Party_boy....

Funny, I was just in a similar conversation this past week. I tend to avoid unfamilliar Chinese places on the road just for the reason you mentioned....unless someone specifically suggests one. But that said....my three favorite Chinese places on tha planet are all places suggested by locals and are each "pristine" in every way.

(The Pearl-Toronto, Le Caveau Szechwan-Ottawa, and Jade Garden-London)

Gigantic yellow arches atop the building or on a pole outside are a dead giveaway there will be mediocre food on offer.

I'm quite surprised it took 29 posts to get to the obligatory McDonald's slam. However, the OP did refer to "restaurants", and I am of the opinion that merely serving food does not a restaurant make. I'm also fairly convinced that your average McDonald's patron is entertaining thoughts only of clogged arteries, angioplasty, and triple by-passes rather than the absurd notion that a world-class *** Michelin dining experience awaits them.

Avoid any restaurant located on a street with multiple "$100 reward for lost cat" handmade posters on the walls and lampposts.... :eek:

Exactly. I believe that the law in Italy requires all restaurants to offer a tourist menu (prix fixe).

Depending on the hotel, you can often get good recommendations. Some may be unscrupulous, and you may find the occasional lazy concierge who recommends the same restaurant no matter what details you give, but in general, decent hotels have to be able to recommend a fair number of good restaurants and, in my experience, the most common kind of bribe that a concierge will tend to get from a restaurant is a free meal, so if they like it (and they have decent taste), they'll generally steer you pretty well.

That said, if you are looking for a specific type of cuisine or a particular area, their knowledge may be limited and the cab driver/person on the street recommendation can be good. But it's key to make sure you frame it well--i.e. where would you go for a special occasion if you wanted to spend (no more than) XX amount of money? This way you reduce the parameters of their personal quirks/taste for a general idea.

My mother always said this, dad! :)

...then you might go hungry in Japan. (Disclaimer: I haven't been to Japan for 20 years, so maybe the plastic food has disappeared from every restaurant window, but it was ever-present on my last visit.)

I guess I hesitate and am concerned about a restaurant when the staff looks like they're not so sure what they're doing. I also just like places to be clean.

The plastic food is still there.

.....

except for Can Porta ... then its ok ;)

Hi

First thing I look for is attitude of staff. If Front of House staff is ho-hum with the "whatever" attitude, I say "just looking". And If I peek in and see empty-handed staff just walk by things on floor ... clearing glassware via the "spider fingers" technique (grabbing the lipsticked rims - ewww, as opposed to middle or base), no way I stay.
I figure, although the food may be good, how are they going to handle it -- not to mention the dinner rolls they put in my basket -- when they're handling glassware like this? It suggests "laid back" management's standards aren't too high, or they don't know to teach such things.
Oh, If thers'a a sign out front promoting "Special's ... Pizza's ... Home made Soup's"..., I keep walking. The apostrophe for plurals epidemic can be telling as well. Not very conscientious (and they're going to be handling your food? :)