How to spot an awful restaurant without going inside
 

Having read the "restaurants to avoid" thread, I started thinking about some more general recommendations to help me avoid bad restaurants when I travel. Some rules of thumb I have lived by lately include:

- Avoid any restaurant with “Taco” in the name
- Avoid any restaurant that gives too many points on the Rewards Network (iDine) program, there is a reason they are paying you to eat there
- Avoid any restaurant that has a charismatic guy at the front door trying to lure in tourists & other suckers
- Avoid any restaurant that has a faux ethnic theme

Any generalized suggestions that you have noticed? Specifically, I am looking for characteristics of places that so obviously represent poor quality or overpriced food that I do not even have to walk in the door of the place to figure that out.

Avoid all restaurants that has clientle consisting only of tourists...or empty.

I look at the menu posted outside (where available). Generally, a pretty good clue.

Watch out for any place with words, "Steaks, Seafood, Cocktails" on the sign.

Avoid any restaurant that has rodents running out the front door, or rodents on the menu. :D

A dead empty restaurant.

Are you kidding? Those are the words which would make me walk right in. To me it connotes comfy booths, servers in sensible shoes, good martinis, dim lighting and a decent shrimp cocktail to go along with the martini. ^

Calvin Trillin says to never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Calvin Trillin is the best food writer and observer of dining out there. I completely trust his advice. Happy to meet another fan of Calvin Trillin.

Gotta agree wit youz on dat! :) Just had a great ribeye at Del Frisco's in LAS.

Check outside for a posted menu. You don't want any major surprises, even though the "best" places won't likely post menus. The "worst" places also won't, and if it's a "best" place you'll already likely have heard of it. (Those tales about unsuspecting travelers in various places in Middle/Eastern Europe being billed for $1K each and beaten if they refuse to pay are too prevalent to ignore entirely.)

After checking for a posted menu, look inside and see if the restaurant is crowded or empty. If empty, walk on. If crowded, check to see the expressions of the people when they come out. Do the people look happy or vaguely dissatisfied and frowning?

If NO people are coming out, this is either a very good sign or else a very bad sign. . . . :p

You can't see it from outside, but if you go in and see a bunch of un-bussed empty tables, it's always a bad sign.

If it's empty. Or if it's not as crowded as those other restaurants next to it.

Alright, alright...in a perfect world "steaks, seafood, cocktails" suggests big, strech-out booths, amateur but very friendly service, good real drinks (and we're not talking "martooni's" or Long Island Iced Teas or Chivas on ice), and perfectly cooked steaks without the whole "how do you want your's cooked?" litany. But more often then not it means silly drinks (Sex on the Beach, Fuzzy Navel), crappy salad bar, sketchy bogs, crumbly shrimp (usually the only "seafood" offered, along with lobster tail at "market price" -- watch out for those lobster speculators at table 3A!), a paltry wine list to complement the silly drinks, pretentious customers who think paying $28.99 for a "choice cut" licenses them to be obnoxious and patronizing to the wait staff, and a ridiculously overpriced fare that is essentially gussied-up fast food. The clientele usually has no idea that they are being fleeced by the whole sham, and couldn't tell the difference between tenderloin and T-bone if blindfolded. The good "steaks, seafood, cocktails" gigs are completely unpretentious; the bad ones are pretentious about being unpretentious. The good ones treat eveyone like an old friend; the bad ones, like old underwear.

Any restaurant with insects crawling around.