Obnoxious Kids in Upscale Restaurants - What to Do?
 

I am so steamed right now, I need to get it off my chest & ask advice on what we should have done. To set the scene, my husband has been on the road for 2 months, just came off an intensive sales meeting & flew into San Francisco to run a trade show yesterday. He suggested I fly up & meet him to get some time together alone away from the kids & everyday life. Due to Chowhound.com's & our Concierge's excellent rec's, made a 7:45 resv at a very upscale restaurant here in the City.

Started off great - wonderful appetizers, great service, etc. Right as main course was served, a huge shriek came up from across the restaurant - sounded like Minnie Mouse on helium. We were at opposite corners of the restaurant, with a bar in between, yet could hear every scream, shriek, whine, word from this kid like he was in the booth with us. Tried to ignore, but it just kept getting louder & louder & I kept getting more irritated. Our server was apologising profusely & said the kid was driving all of them nuts too - that they were trying to hurry the party, but they would not be rushed. We decided to forgo dessert that this restaurant is very much known for & we were looking forward to & had our server give us coffee to go to drink outside away from the din while we waited for a taxi. Our $200 romantic dinner was ruined & we had to cancel the hotel's car back as he couldn't get there earlier to get us out of there & pay for an expensive taxi ride.

I'm a mom & would never take a 2 year old into an upscale restaurant at 8:15 & even if in a family restaurant, short of Chuck E. Cheese, I would have pulled my child out of there so fast at the first scream & forgone dinner myself. The male of the group trotted smugly through the restaurant in a grubby tshirt & shorts as the child was wailing - further irritation.

Ok, Think I feel a little better now - am I totally over-reacting? What should we have done - the server knew we (& the rest of the restaurant) were upset. Advice please?

(This also posted on chowhound.com - Not About Food & many interesting responses)

As I new dad of 4 1/2 month old twins, I wouldn't think of going to a nice restaurant at a prime time, let alone at a prime time on a weekend. Because my wife and I love going out to eat and because we want to keep some semblance of our old life along with our new one, we try to go out on Friday and Saturday nights very early (i.e. 5:30 or 6:00 at the latest). We are quick eaters and are out of there by 7:00. We will go to nice-ish places but not 4-star restaurants. And the moment one of the kids starts crying, we do everything we can to stop them from crying. If they continue on for more than, say, 30 seconds, we will pick them up and take them outside to calm them down.

If one of my kids was screaming uncontrollably like this kid and I stayed in the restaurant, I would be terribly embarrassed. If your thing happened to me, I'd have considered going over to that table and suggesting that they might want to take the baby outside for a minute and that might help him. Although it's always easier to say I'd do this than actually do it.

All that, but a bit off topic . . .
 

I echo all that was said above. I get very upset in similar situations, esp when dining after 8PM, sometimes as late as 9-10PM -- and still having whiny crying kids to contend with (at 10PM, no wonder).

However, I might add an aspect that is a bit off-topic that might have contributed to brendamc's situation:
The fact that such loud noise could be heard across the dining room may also have been a consequence of the acoustics in the restaurant. I have noticed that some restaurants have atrocious acoustics, and sounds seem to reverberate off the walls from all over. Depending on the lay-out of the dining room, a sensible owner will try to put in some sound-deadening (curtains, banquettes, etc) devices to keep noise at least confined to the immediate area.

As a weird example, I was at an very nice but very noisy Philly-area restaurant in a converted rail station. While sitting there alone (my dining partner in the loo), I could distinctly hear a conversation as clearly as if the two were seated at my table (-- and a tantalzing conversation it was! :o ). I realized that the arched ceiling acted as conduit, bringing sounds from one end of the room to the other. I mention this to the owner, who later installed artistic ceiling tiles that effectively deadened the arch effect and all the other ambient noise as well.

Out of curiousity, might you post the name of the restaurant. Those of us that engage in fine dining in SF may want to take your anecdote into account. IMHO the restaurant should have taken action.

While I am a grandmother of many, I have no patience for unruly children in public. I believe that an upscale restaurant has an obligation to it's clientele. They should have a rule that no children under 5 are allowed after 6PM or something to that effect. I did, on one occasion, write an e mail to a restaurant explaining that I had come for dinner and had to listen to a screaming child all evening. Since it was a large restaurant I wondered why people with children couldn't be seated in one area, while those without were seated a distance away. I got a lovely letter of apology and a gift certificate to be used toward a future dinner. I would certainly contact the restaurant and explain exactly what you posted above. While it is JMHO, I think they are obliged to provide a certain ambiance with the food.

You are so right - very poor accoustics in this restaurant - carried right up & across the restaurant & down into our ears (and many other diner's also).

To protect the semi-guilty, I'm not telling - I'd also like to give them a chance to retify the situation - thanks for your understanding...

In situations like this, it's tough to know what to do. Obviously, the first best way to take action has already been discussed -- it needs to be handled by the parents, using some common sense. A young child probably doesn't need to be up that late. If they are, it's likely they'll be fussy. Not taking this into account points to how inconsiderate those parents are of others. It's something the conscientious would think about.

Failing the parents' good judgment, the restaurant -- particularly one that's upscale, needs to make it a priority to ensure the comfort of all their guests. If one guest is causing the discomfort of countless others, well, it goes without saying the restaurant has the right (arguably even the obligation) to do something about it. Even a young child is a customer and should be treated accordingly. After all, wouldn't they throw a loud, obnoxious drunk out if necessary? Of course.

Obviously, this is a sticky situation because it requires a judgment call on the scene at the moment. If things are really that bad, and the staff knows it and patrons are complaining about it, the restaurant should do something. Not to is, well, just rather foolish. Why not have a few unhappy customers instead of a room full of them?

Unfortunately I think we have all been through this
 

Finally I am of the age where I feel that I can use some female authority in the situation. I have spoken to restaurant managers and demanded a solution to the problem on the spot. Usually they comply unless the child is the offspring of someone very famous, very wealthy or both.

Often I walk over to the offending parents and say (as sweetly as I can manage) 'you will certainly enjoy this child when it is a teenager'. Sometimes the parents get it. Sometimes they thank me!

In these cases, the restaurant needs to take action, immediately. I dont care if this is Bill Gate's kid... they need to deal with this. If they dont, guests that are forced to leave the establishment should do so with their meal expenses comped, or some significant other compensation.

I'm the mother of three children, and I will have to disagree that children should never be allowed in upscale restaurants. Sometimes the children behave better than some of the adults!

However, I absolutely concur that a disruptive child is not fair to others. However, the child is not to blame -- it's the parents.

The worst thing you can do, in my opinion, is to say something negative to the parents. That only makes them defensive and more likely to say, "My meal is just as expensive as yours," and other things like that.

Here's a suggestion. Walk up to the parents and NOT in a negative tone at all, but a sincerely helpful one, say, "I'm several tables away, but I hear you're having some difficulties. Is there anything I can do to help?"

First of all, that alerts the parents that the child's behavior is being noticed by others! But also, you aren't pointing nasty fingers at them, which is probably only going to make matters worse. If the parents have any intelligence or tact at all, they'll realize that the child is ruining the dinner of others and perhaps they'll take the child outside or hurry their meal.

Even if nothing comes of it, you can be confident that your behavior did not match that of the child's!

Jennifer

Just wanted to say that it wasnt me. :)

Brendamc, it sounds like you made things even worse by leaving early. You missed out on the dessert for which the restaurant is famous, and you waited for a taxi back to the hotel rather than the pre-arranged car service. If I were you I would have waited it out.

According to your description of them, a dress code would have solved this problem. No need to punish innocent customers with well-behaved children.

It gets to a point where you just can't take it anymore & they were showing no signs of leaving, no matter how much the server was trying to rush them. How many upscale restaurants really enforce dress codes anymore - especially in more casual cities like SFO? I know a very few in LA do, or they provide you with an ill-fitting jacket & tie, but we're not talking Paris or NY here.

Almost none but I don't see why a dress code would solve the issue? I got a call very last minute this past week to go Masa's in SF for dinner. As I was at work already, I went in kakais and a polo. No one batted an eye.