A pet peeve of mine, too. I've asked servers if they are joining me for dinner. I may try the other member's suggestion to ask what NOT to order. If they can't think of anything, I will provide my own list from my previous visits. It might not be nice but the server started it. On second thought, I shouldn't piss them off since who knows what will happen to my order before I get it.

Ditto. Used to eat there before I visited Australia. Never ate there since.

I think there's a huge difference depending on what restaurant you're at. Clearly, if you're in a restaurant staffed by college kids, I'd probably take their suggestions with a grain of salt.

If you're at a fancy place I'd be more inclined to listen to the server and discuss options. Obviously I'm not going to blindly follow the recommendation thinking the server knows what my tastes are, but you can ask questions to get an idea if you may like the dish.

Although it's somewhat embarrassing to admit, I love being told that.

Validation from complete strangers in positions of service - it makes my day. A very cheap thrill, at least I can say that. :cool:

I'll second this, while also contradicting, which may be confusing.

I worked as waitstaff in medium-end dining while in college, and completely echo the posts, which seem to be from people in the industry, that serves are incented to sell certain dishes, whether overstock or high margin, and the prize can be substantial. So I would take a cautious view of this tactic at restaurants of that ilk.

I have not seen quite the same at higher end restos, and I replied to comment primarily because the OP does something almost exactly like the script I use (which people that work with/for me have heard over too many business dinners) which is asking to talk to the FOH (front of house) Manager on duty, introducing myself, indicate I'm either on a business dinner or eating there to evaluate for a high end business dinner in the immediate future, and ask "if I've never eaten here before, and my coming back depends on this meal, what are you/your chef particularly proud of on the menu that you think your customers enjoy most frequently".

At a nice place, I'm willing to gamble that steering me to an entree a few dollars more isn't really going to impact as much as having a business person direct traffic & revenue there, and that 'eyes light up' the OP refers to, is the indication of whether the place is the right fit for that. Is much like going to a good sushi place, sitting at the bar, and asking a few questions, and if the place seems legit, just tell the chef to feed me omekaze and place myself in their hands. Most people *want* to do a good job and be appreciated, and giving someone who often doesn't have it the opportunity to be creative and express themselves, whether chef or server, has almost always resulted in great memorable meals, both from the food and the conversations throughout the meal.

I'm still at a loss to understand why someone intelligent and successful enough to be able to afford to eat at a high-end restaurant would have the slightest interest in the views of a server as to the merits or otherwise of what's on the menu.

If a server steers a diner away from a particular dish then what is it doing on the menu in the first place ? And if a server ever gushes about a particular dish to me and I ask why the answer is almost invariably " I had it myself and it was great." Really ? I had liver and onions last night and it was really great but hey, not everyone is into offal or onions or gravy.

Over-bearing, presumptuous and intrusive are what really tick me off about some wait staff.

I'm still at a loss to understand why people have such strong reactions to the notion of a server's recommendation. I take people's advice on what to see and do in places I haven't been to, movies to see, music to listen to, why not food to eat?

I also don't understand what intelligence or success have to do with anything. Firstly, they're not requirements to eating anywhere and secondly, a hallmark of intelligence is knowing when to ask for help. Or at least to not be dismissive of the idea of it.

I frequently do it for a variety of reasons ranging from wanting the freshest fish to just getting the opinion of someone who has seen how quite a few people respond to different dishes. I tend to do it more at higher end restaurants since I expect the waiters etc to be better trained/experienced/informed. '

I almost always ask regarding wine. After we select food I typically ask the waiter/sommelier for suggestions in a certain price range which I tell them. This is very much the case at higher end restaurants. One of the things you pay for at high end restaurants is the knowledge and skill of the people working there.

I am not a child.

I just recalled my favorite experience of letting the people at the restaurant make a choice. It was my first time at Taillevent in Paris back in the 90's. The maitre de came over as we were ready to order desert. I confessed to being unable to decide over the many choices. He asked if I liked chocolate. I told him I "adored" chocolate. He said he would ask the pastry/desert chef to make a sampler of all of their deserts containing chocolate for me.

One of our favorite little places in Rome is like that. Never mind the menu. The waiter asks you what you like, what you are in the mood for, consults with the chef, and out comes a unique dish prepared specifically for you.

I had a wonderful experience at a Lebanese restaurant in Jacksonville earlier this year. Although some of my dining companions had had Lebanese food before, we consulted with the waiter to make sure we got a representative selection and didn't miss anything the chef was proud of. Before deciding what to bring, he asked about what flavors we enjoyed or disliked and whether anyone had allergies or sensitivies. The chef/owner visited the table three times and comped a dessert for us when we said we were all too full because he didn't want us to leave without trying it. I'm sure I would have enjoyed any meal I'd ordered there but the staff made certain of it.

Exactly. That's what these type discussions can lead to. Your experience in Rome reminds me of three other great experiences that have come about due to talking to the waiter about selections.

1) This was actually in Rome as well. We were at place off the tourist path and they had a special that sounded really good. They also had carbonara which is probably my favorite pasta dish if done right. I asked the waiter which he would recommend and explained my reasoning. Obvious answer, we'll give you half of each so you can try them both. And both were great.


2) I was at a highly recommended Indian restaurant in DC. I was asking the waiter for suggestions and he asked me how much experience I had with Indian food. I told him quite a bit, mostly in London but also several trips to India. He said they had a dish that night that was not on the menu and that based on the things I was interested in he thought I would like it. I told him to go for it and it was fantastic.

3) Cibreo in Florence. This place is different in that they don't have menus. The person working with your table, the night we were there it was the owners wife, comes out and sits down at your table and tells you the options for each course and discusses them with you. Then you choose, but in this case with a lot of input the waiter. One of the best meals I have ever had.

New restaurant in Cincinnati, the wait listened to me order then told me that the appetizer I ordered was actually rather large considering the main that I wanted. I asked which were smaller appetizers and he suggested one I liked. Good service. He got a better than average tip.

So you're tipping someone extra because he persuaded you not to have the original appetizer that you wanted ?
Why not just politely thank him for his advice and eat a smaller portion of that appetizer and leave the rest ?

Have you ever asked the guy selling you the movie ticket for advice on what to see? Asking a waiter's opinion is no different imo. You haven't the faintest idea what their personal taste is so their opinion may be totally off base to what you want. It is also possible that the person serving you has no interest in food and works their to pay the bills. I'm with Clint. The only time I ever ask is if I can't decide between two dishes and I'll use their opinion as a coin toss.

I think what Clint is saying, a bit more bluntly, is they are employed because of their service skills not their ability to make dining recommendations.

At better restaurants, the wait staff will often have tasted the meals for the evening. That provides a good reason for asking about menu items, as the written descriptions can't be as complete as the oral commentary of someone who's experienced the dish.

A server also has all the feedback from previous customers to draw on. That can be quite valuable.

Both of these. I usually when I do ask I have narrowed it down to two or three choices, however. And I am talking about better restaurants here, not rolling up to the drive in window at Le Castile Blanc and asking if they recommend the cheeseburger or the fish sandwich.

And? Just like I said...

Which part is wrong? You think at "better" restaurants the waitstaff are Michelin critics?

I couldn't care less what you do or don't do at a restaurant. I answered the question posed by the OP.:rolleyes:

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cblaisd, Co-Moderator
Dining Buzz

So what you're saying is that if a person isn't interested in the opinion of the wait staff and prefers not to ask they're assuming themselves to be superior because their ego requires it ?

Like you say,it's all a matter of personal preference which is what the OP was inquiring about.

FWIW my son has just headed off for an evening shift at a hotel restaurant where he's working to help pay his way through university.His view on this is that people are fairly evenly divided between those who know what they want and others who can generally be persuaded to order whatever it is the hotel is trying to push.

You're the one who suggested those of us who do ask for waitstaff opinions are "children," so yeah, I think ego might be entering into it.

If I may say so I think you're misjudging someone else's opinion as a personal attack on the way you conduct yourself in a restaurant.
It wasn't and it isn't.
You're perfectly entitled to seek whatever opinion you wish from a server but I presume you respect someone else's personal preference not to.
Hey,in the scheme of things it ain't that important.
Why,even tonight,I asked a waitress trying to push me some " line-caught " cod exactly when the cod took the bait.
She didn't know and I suspect she didn't even know how to determine whether the fish was swimming in water within the last few days or caught and frozen in a net by a giant Spanish trawler off the coast of Iceland six months ago.
It's why I have no interest in their opinions.

Fair enough; truce! Let me suggest, though, that the way you've expressed yourself on this thread makes that misinterpretation an easy one to make.

I'm retired but drive a car rental shuttle 2 days a week. The most dreaded question I get is " where is there a good place to eat". Because my 02 may be far different from theirs.

One final observation - compare the number of views of this thread to the number of posters who've considered someone's opinions a personal attack on them.
I'm not sure a truce is really necessary because my views were never intended to be offensive in the first place but let's draw a line and move on.

Now,waiters filling up my wine glass when I haven't asked them to REALLY gets my goat !!!

I hosted a small audit team this week. One asked me for a recommendation. Before I made one, I asked a lot of questions. Turns out she was looking to avoid traffic and was fine with fast casual chain dining. So instead of a recommendation, she got directions to Outback and Olive Garden.

I hope you got a good tip. :D

I've always found the simple line, "I'll take care of the wine service from here, thanks" to work perfectly in avoiding this problem, voiced right after the bottle is uncorked. A single repetition may be necessary if the wine is opened by a sommelier rather than the waiter, though in my experience the word is usually passed along.

I think I'm seeing a pattern here - clearly I'm much luckier than you in finding competent waitstaff!

Most waitstaff I deal with are perfectly fine although I find French servers can be a little up themselves.
I like US waiters quite a lot - all brisk efficiency and Hi what can I get you to drink.
Regarding the wine I've had waiters who've taken the suggestion that I handle it myself as a personal affront and one,memorably,who insisted loudly that it was HIS job.I disabused him of that notion even louder.

My response in a situation like yours would be "Well, I'm a big fan of <food type> and for that I really enjoy <local restaurant>." That way you offer a concrete, helpful suggestion without committing yourself to a lengthy conversation starting with, "Well, what do you like?"

^^ I like this. Thanks.

Except sometimes.

I used to shop at a wholesale (but open to the public) place in the meat district. Their prices could vary a lot; e.g. brie was usually around $2.50/lb. One day I came in and saw a pile of it with a sign "Brie: $1/lb". So I asked the owner what was wrong with it, and he replied "it's ripe."

I wouldn't be surprised if a number of restaurants had specials involving brie that day.

I kind of agree. But it depends on the server's delivery of that line. Too little enthusiasm or too much enthusiasm and it comes off badly. Otherwise, I like the validation. Sometimes I'll say "Really?" and ask for a little more info about "why".

Waiters are essentially sales people who work on commission. So when you ask "what do you recommend" it's like asking a car salesman what do you recommend. The answer will always be something expensive and with a high markup.

Except when it isn't.

Exactly. Sometimes, sure, but certainly not always. Even in "good" stores, I have seen the opposite. I had a salesperson at B&H Camera and Video talk me out of buying a $400 plus pair of binoculars (Leica) because he asked me what I wanted them for. When I told him he told me that a pair of Nikons for less than $100 were better for what I wanted and explained why, and he had them both in stock. I have bought a lot of stuff from them since then because of that trust. Same in restaurants.

+1

Like many other exchanges in every day life, you make a snap judgment on whether or not to trust someone.

I try to be somewhat specific when asking for a recommendation and I've generally been happy with the results. I'm never shy about mentioning budget if appropriate (it doesn't matter if the 'best' wine in the house is a bargain at $300/bottle, it's not in my budget).

Completely agree. The sales process is dynamic. Just because I ask "what do you recommend?" doesn't mean that's the end of the discussion. If the recommendation is something that's out of my budget, I say that. If it's based on a function or feature I don't need, I say that.

Same with food recommendations.

Sure there are the exceptions to the rule. But generally speaking when someone's income is commission based, they will recommend the expensive item over the cheap item.

Do a little experiment. Next 10 times you dine out, ask what do you recommend. Then look at where in the cheap-expensive line the recommendation falls. I'll bet good money 8/10 times it will be in the top 25%.

We'll agree to disagree. This has not been my experience. I frequently ask for recommendations on wine, entrees, electronics, household goods, appliances, etc. My question has almost always been met with more questions. "What flavors do you like?" "What have you tried that you liked before?" "What features are important to you?" "How big is the room where the TV is going?" "How big is your yard?" THOSE are the kinds of questions that should be asked before someone gives a recommendation. And it's so easy to challenge someone when they simply "recommend" the most expensive item. "Really? It's the most expensive one. It's THAT good? Why? How does it compare to X, which is $Y cheaper?" Push back a little if you think it's a BS recommendation.

Maybe I just shop/eat/drink at establishments that offer better service. Maybe I'm just lucky. But I don't think servers immediately jump to the most expensive item on the menu (or even one of the most expensive items). Restaurants thrive on repeat guests and referrals. Good servers don't jeopardize that.