Having lived in the US my entire life, I don't think of table service as universally quick and efficient here. There are some cities and regions where wait staff tend to be snappy, but there are plenty of other places where slow, disinterested service is the norm. Having visited numerous other countries I've seen the same range of variation with table service in most. Is there a specific country or set of countries where you've found the problem to be especially bad?

I agree with the OP - it's a frustrating issue, especially it seems with Italian restaurants in London. I remember one where I had to ask five times and it took over an hour from asking for the bill to getting out of the door.

Having said that, it's better than at so many US restaurants where they hand you the bill while you are still eating, desperate to shoo you out of the restaurant. That really irritates me and deserves a far bigger reduction in the tip.

This - I HATE being given the bill before I ask for it. I often have another drink after my meal, be it a coffee, or another glass of wine. Don't assume that just because I finished my pudding I am finished.

Are the words, "I'll just take this when you're ready," restaurant code for "GTFO, we've got people waiting." ;)

I don't care. It's their problem if I want to order another drink and they'll just have to reprint the bill accordingly.

The more I deal with current restaurant service the more I wish the British pub style of service was more common on this side of the pond.

This is just a cultural difference. Diners in the US expect to have the bill presented so the diner can decide when to pay and leave. The restaurant is not attempting to "push them out the door." Please look at it as a convenience to you, and just the usual practice here. lhrsfo, would you really prefer to wait long periods for a bill rather than have it presented on time or, in your perception, a little early?

On the opposite side of the coin, inexperienced American travelers sometimes become quite annoyed when they are not presented the bill in places like Latin America where the norm is for the diner to request it first, "La cuenta, por favor!" I've had to explain this to a number of people.

That is the problem with the assumption. It assumes I have finished, and on more than one occasion when I have said that I would like to order something else, I have been told 'we've closed the bill, I will have to start another one' as if it is somehow my fault. I mind far less if the waitress says "Would you like anything else, or may I get you the bill' as it gives me the choice (my preference is still that I will ask for it when I am ready, however).

I also find that 'whenever you are ready' means they will return in about a nano second with a credit card machine in hand, rather than actually being when I am ready.

Although by no means is that my biggest 'bill being brought' peeve - that is reserved for when 'Kelli' comes and tells me her shift is finished so would I please settle my bill (ignoring the fact I am still eating my meal, no where near finished). She smiles and says 'oh well just settle up to where you are and 'Staci' will open a new one for anything else'. No. Stuff off. It is not MY issue that your shift is finishing. Restaurants should ban their staff from such tip-grab behavior, and maybe have an internal policy that if two waitresses share a table like that they split the tip the following shift or something. I'm not trying to stiff anyone on their tip, but approaching me as my fork is entering my mouth to pay is just damn rude.

In China, we say "mai dan" or "check please" in a loud voice and stand up after we are finished our meal.

It solves this problem.

I have been given the check with a comment like, "I've prepared the check, but if you'd like something else, no problem". I can't recall being told the check was closed. How do they fit in the tip, if it's "closed"? That sounds like someone trying to get rid of the last few diners and go home early.

I have experienced the premature "end of shift" check presentation and I don't like it any more than you do. It may be an indication of 1) untrustworthy co-workers and 2) living hand to mouth on a server's income. I think it would be discouraged by more restaurant managers if they were aware of it, which I assume they aren't. BamaVol Jr #3 manages in a restaurant - I will have to ask what their policy is.

The term you want is "cover".

Assuming more than ten tables, restaurants can get a quick measure of profit per nights by the number of covers they generate. The amounts tend to average very closely over time, so the cover count is surprisingly accurate for measuring sales total.

Usually, you can just walk to the bar and pay if you are annoyed with waiting time. Sure, it's less elegant, but so is a waiter, who makes you wait so long.

No, they say "we'd like to offer you a nightcap or coffee in our bar."

I wonder how much of the variation can be explained by restaurant policies regarding the booking and timing of reservations. In good French restaurants, the tradition is that you "own" the table for the evening; they don't do two dinner sittings. Elsewhere, there may be early and late or staggered reservation times even in very expensive restaurants, so that there's pressure to turn tables on time.

I've been told that in Germany, if you ask to pay three times but nothing happens, you're entitled to leave without paying. Usually standing, putting coats on, and starting to move toward the door will bring the waiter/waitress running with the bill.

I too downgrade the tip when the waiter/waitress or bus person removes dinner plates while someone is still eating the main course or presents the dessert menu prematurely. I've checked with professionals who evaluate top restaurants and the rule is supposed to be that all dishes from a course are cleared at the same time from a table. [At a banquet or large function, this would be partly based on when the key person finished eating, sort of like the etiquette of not leaving before royalty or the President.]

Solution to the bill dilemma
 

As mentioned here prior, there is often an issue with the bill. After you have been presented with the tab, there is that wait until someone comes to collect your credit card or cash.

I realized tonight that many restaurants place a bottle of water on your table. That way you can refill it at your leisure, decide how empty it has to be before you get another refill, etc.

Shouldn't there be an easier way for the bill? I know in some Korean restaurants there is a button you can press to get the waiter's attention.

Almost everywhere in Japan too. Best. Idea. Ever. If you are in control of the button. Everyone is different. Personally there is nothing I dislike more regarding eating in restaurants, than spending a lot of time doing so. 1.5 hrs. MAX if it's something special with my wife, otherwise 45 minutes and I'm ready to leave. Countless miserable nights in Korea and Japan in 3-5 hour group dinner settings to the point where I broke all local social rules and opted out most of the time. Bars are for socializing, not dinner tables. [/rant]

I wouldn't recommend trying that. I lived there quite a long time and never once heard that one

And do they react to the bell the same way a flight attendant does (ignore or scowl)?