That only works where there is a signal :p

I wonder why there isn't an equivalent of British pubs, where you can get food, and going by yourself isn't weird.

It's historical - british inns formed the heart of british rural and urban life where people congregated and ate/drank socially. They also served as rest stops for travellers.

American bars are a place to hit on the opposite sex and/or get drunk.

Agreed. A newspaper or crossword puzzle also does the trick ^

It's only weird because you're making it weird.


:rolleyes: Uh. No. Disagree. I eat at bars on my own at least a couple times a month. It's all about what you make it. You can socialize with the bar staff and the others sitting at the bar, or you can stare at your phone or a TV and not say a word to anyone.

Or you can stare at others sitting at the bar and not say a word.

That probably gets you thrown out or beaten up though.

^^^ precisely. on all counts.

It also depends on the nature of the bar. Some have loud music and lean more toward dancing and the see-and-be-seen crowd. Other bars are quieter and have more food on the menu, lending them more toward friendly conversation or minding one's own business while having a meal.

=Bar.

=restaurant.

I hate it when I'm asked if I want to sit at the bar. I'm never asked that when I come in with people. Maybe the host/ess thinks I need company. But I'm 68 and female and I hate bar stools. They're uncomfortable. There's no seat back. And someone might want to talk to me. You're crowded with other people. If I liked other people I might not be single. ;-)

Agreed. On a trip to San Francisco in 2011, I ate by myself at the bar at Gary Danko. I didn't feel I was treated any differently than folks who sat at a table, I was able to eat without interference, and I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I've had similar experiences at Marcel's in Washington, DC, Keen's Steakhouse in Manhattan, and a number of higher-end restaurants in my area.

It can be your state of mind. In a way, it's just like the scene in the Matrix where the kid tells Keanu Reeves "there is no spoon." If you focus on how weird you feel being in there alone, you're probably imputing things to fellow diners and wait staff that they really don't feel.

I often find myself having to eat alone if I'm traveling...as a single female it's sometimes off putting to sit at the bar yourself. Now, if I know I'll be in an area that has great eating establishments, I'll research ahead and see which restaurants have a "community/communal" table. Charleston, SC has some fabulous ones and they're often full of single travelers who don't want to sit at the bar.

As a manager at a high end restaurant, I have a couple of insider thoughts on "one-tops" as a solo diner is called in the biz.

1) I will never really understand the male one-top. 95% of solo male diners just sit at the bar, where you can get full dinner service and your choice of either a little bit of conversation with my bartender or you can be left alone to your own devices if you show obvious signs of not being in a social mood (book, newspaper, phone, etc.) I guess if you need some room to spread out, then okay, but is there a particular reason some are against sitting at the bar assuming it's not too crowded and too loud?

2) I do understand the female one-top because I see a lot of female one-tops that don't want to be right next to male one-tops because those fellas can't "read the table" as well as my bartenders can. A decent amount of female solo diners get hit on at the bar when they're clearly not in the mood to make new friends. (That said, in my bartending days, the solo female diner often struck up the less than professional conversation with me :D)

3) If a server ever asks "Are you expecting more people?" when you're sitting there with one menu, then that server is an idiot. On that note, I also feel the same way when we seat someone whose party isn't complete and they feel the need to comment to the server upon being greeted that, "Oh, there are more people coming" as if my hostesses would have sat a party of one with four menus just for grins.

Chris

It's rare to see a restaurant with seats at the bar where I am, but I'd think twice about taking one, were I offered it.

The main reason, for me, is that it's just not that comfortable. I don't have the world's best back, so a high chair, slouched over my food, really isn't what I expect in a decent restaurant - if I want that kind of thing, I'll go to a pub (even then, I'd prefer a table).

OTOH, I'd expect much quicker service at a bar, so if I didn't want to hang around, I'd probably accept, as long as it's well laid out.

Why?

Well, first the bar can be uncomfortable to eat at - I would much rather be sitting at table height if I am going to eat, and as you pointed out, I really want enough room which bars rarely offer. Also, your bartender is focused more on getting and serving drinks, and very rarely is he going to put the effort into serving food that your waitstaff does. But I think the biggest things are that I don't want to have to be stuck having to either strike up conversation with your bartender or bar patrons, or fending off conversation / pick-up lines with your bartender/patrons while trying to enjoy a dinner. I find blaring music or TV or sports distracting to dining, and suddenly having tons of people trying to elbow their way in as soon as the bar does turn crowded gets int eh way of eating.

I guess my question to you is - why do you assume that the single diner is there only to ingest food and couldn't care less about service, environment, or atmosphere?

Well, again, I'm a manager at a higher end restaurant, so a) there's no music blaring in my bar (any more so than in the main dining room) and b) it's not a "four deep at the bar"situation like when you were in college. My bar top has 17 seats, all with backs. The bar top is positioned so it is not set higher than a typical dinner table. Especially in the mid-week (when I assume most of the business travelers in this thread tend to eat alone in a restaurant), no one really orders drinks over the bar top so you're not likely to get elbowed. All the drinks for people not physically sitting at the bar top are coming through cocktail servers (from the bar area tables) and the servers from the main dinning room.

I actually take your last question a little bit insultingly. I actually think the exact opposite. As for the service concern, keep in mind most bartenders at nicer restaurants make more money than the servers, so therefore it is a promotion to get behind the bar. All of my bartenders were among the best at their job when they were servers, so in all likelihood, you will get better service at the bar than elsewhere. (Hence why I sit at the bar with my fiance when I go out to eat). Just my two cents.

Chris

So to bang on about it, you run a restaurant with a bar - not a bar with restaurant. Right?

Sitting at a bar to eat does not feel like a "higher end" dining experience to me. I won't do it.

I've eaten solo at the bar hundreds of times.. I've eaten solo at a table hundreds of times.. There are two problems eating at the bar:
1. the counter is a bit high to do "real" eating (e.g. knife/fork) like steak. Fine for finger foods like burgers and fries.
2. I spend a lot more money at the bar. Bartender is a lot more attentive to my empty drink than a waiter/waitress covering multiple tables..

Of course. I'm assuming that is the topic of this thread, right? I doubt the "party of one" conversation is brought up when walking into your neon-lit, cigarette-smoked dive bar. (Which I have no problem with for my drinking habits. Dining while wearing a suit? Probably.)

Chris

I, too, often dine solo.

(Off-topic sentence: I prefer to dine..."pigs eat, humans dine") :D

Always prefer a table, not the bar...tho will sometimes accept the bar.

I try to be conscious of the current traffic in the restaurant, as in, is it crowded/are there groups of people waiting to be seated? Or, although the place is fairly empty now, am I arriving at a time when I can reasonably expect that the place will get busy in the next forty-five minutes? If it is or is going to be busy, I certainly understand being seated at one of the less-than-best tables.

That said, this often works for me:

I approach the podium.

Host/Hostess: "Table for how many?"

Me: (I pretend that I'm not necessarily interested in dining): "Um, I'm having a bit of a problem, and I was hoping that you might be able to help me out."

Host/Hostess: (Getting nervous now 'cause they don't know what I'm about to ask): "What can I help you with?"

Me: "I'm traveling solo tonight, but I'm still hungry. I was hoping that you could still feed me."

Host/Hostess: (with obvious look of relief): "Of course!!"

I've communicated that I'm dining alone, and not made it awkward for the host/ess to raise the question.

------

(And I really like the idea upthread about making notes in a notebook, or photographing the food....I'll have to try that out!)

Not sure of your height, but at 5-11 I find just the opposite. Typical dining tables are uncomfortably low, and 99% of bars are the perfect height for 'real' eating. The only time I don't prefer a bar for eating comfort is when it's elbow to elbow crowded.

I usually go with "table for one, please".

What I dislike most about eating alone is the pace. On the road, on my own I am looking for sustenance not a protracted "dining experience." I find eating at the bar much better. Sit, get served, eat and drink, pay and off I go.

that's just being sneaky. :D

Well, your method is certainly time-efficient, if you have a need to save the extra thirty seconds that my way takes.

My point is that for *some* people (even those working as a host or hostess), the question of solo dining *is* awkward, and if I can pro-actively help avoid that awkwardness with a lighthearted way to express that I'm by myself, then why not do it?

Should a host or hostess find a patron dining alone to be awkward to handle? No.

But, IME, sometimes they do. (Especially if they're young or inexperienced.) While that employee is there to serve me (that's a part of what I'm paying for), a bit of humor that suggests that I recognize their human dignity as a person goes a long way.

And please, before the flame wars start, I'm *not* suggesting that your way takes away from anyone's dignity. I just think that my way gives the opportunity to affirm another person a bit.

Having dined alone several hundred times, I cannot remember even one time when there was any awkwardness on the part of any restaurant employee due to the fact that I was dining solo. I also have never noticed a reduced level of service. Often it's markedly better. I seriously wonder if this is a perception issue related to personal feelings about eating alone. I certainly have known many who do not like it, and a few who WILL NOT do it, to the point of missing a meal. Deep strong feelings on this issue for sure.

I'm a bartender/server and have worked in several different venues and have never encountered a colleague who has felt awkward or had any qualms when faced with a solo-diner. Personally, where I work now we have tables and a 10 seat bar. If a solo diner comes in, I'll be directing them to one of the tables if they are free, as like others have said in this thread, they are more conducive for dining. Most of the time they'll happily sit there, though sometimes they've requested to sit at the bar which is absolutely fine.

When I'm on the road and dining alone, I usually sit up at the bar if there is one as it allows me to converse with the staff more which I like as I'm a very chatty person.

The notion of needing to affirm the server/waiter/bartender could definitely be seen as condescending.

I had never dined alone back home (Canada) unless it was for breakfast and I had a newspaper, but being on exchange in France right now it's remarkable the amount of people you see alone. And not get in get get out kind of alone, but out there on the patio, slowly having a glass of wine with an entree. Made me feel a little more at ease. I find it interesting that people have said that high end is more awkward. For me it is less awkward, not only because it allows me to really slowly eat, taste all of the ingredients, and just focus on the food and the wine, but because it shows "Hey, I appreciate high quality food so much damned if if I can't get anyone else to go with me it's going to stop me". I kind of think it almost shows the staff that in a way, you're proud to be alone and not have anyone else take away from the experience (assuming this dining experience is more about the food than anything else) and that you went out of your way to go to them specifically. In one case, because I went alone and had made a reservation for one, I ended up with the best table in the entire restaurant with a stunning view. For all intents and purposes, I say this in reference to the Michelin starred restaurants I've been to alone, and based on what has been defined as high end in this thread so far it seems worth differentiating. I do agree with the point that in a busy establishment it is respectful in a way to eat at the bar should one be available. While we all have a right to a table, given that we live in a Capitalist system, we should respect the ebb and flow of the same system that puts money in our pockets to go out and dine. Sounds a little philosophical I know, but if I owned a restaurant I'd want people to do the same for me. This being said, I think in a way it's one of the ultimate tests of a waiter when you dine alone and take up a table for two, or even four. If the waiter provides me with the same level of service they would a full table and not resent me for potentially taking away from their tip on more bodies in his or her section, I'll respect that with a bigger tip to help keep the dine alone sentiment going.

Restaurants with the "party of one"
 

Thinking of this thread right now - currently eating alone at the bar of Pollen Street Social. Great option for those times you can't plan ahead

These capture my thoughts pretty well. I have some friends that are lifers (>20 years) in the restaurant industry as both bartenders and servers and have dined solo about a thousand times. I've never heard a single person that had any significant issues with solo diners, with two exceptions. The first is restaurant staff needing to deal effectively with customers that have some major emotional problem about dining alone. The second is restaurant staff that don't like serving a single person because of reduced tips.

I've seen marvelous service, horrible service, and everything in between. Sometimes the server will go out of their way to be friendly/attentive and sometimes they are in a horribly rude, typically related to the "one person = small tip = rush them out ASAP" attitude.

^ (highlight mine)

IMO, people's self-esteem and insecurities about eating alone is the greatest factor. For example, a coworker feels everyone is looking at her a thinking she is a loser if she would dine alone. She thinks she's a loser too. The result is she refuses to dine alone unless there is no viable alternative. She won't even get take-out if she has to walk into a public place to get it. To avoid her emotional issues in these situations, she will get room-service, pick up drive-through crap, or grab something up at grocery store and literally hide in her room where nobody can see her eating alone. It's truly sad.

I just can't imagine why some people's self-esteem is so low that they will hide in their room and eat crap rather than be seen dining alone. I see this occasionally at restaurants when people respond to the "party of one" question by cowering and meekly saying "It's just me."

I love dining with others or alone. I prefer dining alone quite often; it allows me to focus on the food, time to think about whatever, and time to relax. Your approach is similar to mine. Regardless of how the conversion goes, I speak up, in a very pleasant/friendly/comical way, and proudly say I'm dining alone.

Funny story (to me at least)... I was dining alone on travel on valentine's day. I went to a nice place that was was clearly a spot for "couples" on that particular evening. While I was dressed very well, being a single diner made me stick out like a pink mammoth in drag. I don't remember well enough, but I may have been the only single diner there. This still wasn't an issue; the waiter and I had a good laugh about it and he enjoyed having a patron that wasn't a gooey romantic making endless annoying requests. It was dining business as usual for me, but I'm sure many people would freak out in a similar situation.

I've seen all of the above too, but I've never noticed myself being treated poorly compared to other patrons in groups when I'm alone. Now on the other hand, I virtually never eat alone at places where dinner entrees cost more than $20-25. That could be a reason.

Interesting thread.

I've dined alone a fair number of times … everywhere from grubby, dives/bars to proper Michelin 3 star restaurants. That I can recall, I've never once found myself feeling uncomfortable, out of place, etc.

I'd say I usually receive service at least as good, if not better, than what I receive when dining out with others. At the nicer places, I typically find myself back in the kitchen having a chat with the chefs.

In terms of preference between a table or the bar, I go as the mood strikes me (where there are options).

When yall are dining alone...do you prefer a seat that faces other folks or away from other folks? Assuming the restaurant has no view.

Facing folks. It is uncomfortable having your back to a large crowd. Likewise I hate sitting int he middle of a room.

Alone or with other people I prefer my back to the wall. Old habit.

^

Yeah but I hate being seated facing the lone diner at the adjacent table. For that reason I prefer a four seater so I have more choice which way I face. I'd still rather eat at the bar.

Restaurants with the "party of one"
 

I want to see all that is going on around me, so back to the wall

Oh, definitely. It's just not right to be unable to people-watch when dining alone.

Also, there's less risk of being sat facing a mirror - a pet hate of mine in restaurants...