And that my friends, from the lady in Seattle, says it all in a nutshell. ^


If anyone wants to meet 24 nice Flyertalkers, they'll be on the below tour sometime
in May 2008. <<< shameless plug. :o

I can totally relate to this feeling... I'm always more apprehensive going to large DOs than smaller ones. At large events, there are so many people and so much going on that its easy to get overwhelmed. At smaller DOs, there is more time to talk to folks one-on-one and get to know people personally. At larger DOs, I'll typically pick one event to attend and then try to do some breakout activities with a smaller group of folks so I don't feel so panicked by the crowds. I'm the kind of person who has panic attacks at cocktail parties or mixers where I don't already know a ton of people so the large DOs can bring on that feeling for me.

I've gone to lots of DOs... they've always been interesting, some moreso than others. I've made some great friends on FT and I've met a couple of people I might not go out of my way to run into again - and I've met everything in between too.

I've been accused of being 'rude' because I end up finding a table in a corner to sit at vs. mixing/mingling. As I said above, I don't like mingling in crowds and so for me its either finding my comfort zone or not attending at all.

A couple of things I noted in reading through the replies on this thread and thinking about some of my past DO experiences (and it points out the diversity of the community)...

1. Not everyone likes spending their entire time breaking the events and actions of the bulletin board down in to minute detail at DOs. I may get this more from being a moderator/TalkBoard member as well, but I've been cornered by folks who want to spend a great deal of time talking about personalities on the forum, people they perceive as disruptive or difficult, moderator actions, forum policies, etc. I can usually manage a couple of minutes of polite conversation but if you are seated near me at dinner and want to spend the entire meal talking about FT politics, expect that I will probably tune you out at some point to enjoy more pleasant topics.

2. Personally, I travel for business mostly and a bit for pleasure - but I don't venture onto the mileage run or coupon connection forums at all. If you are wanting to spend the whole time talking about how many miles per cent you get from flying from Peoria to Topeka by way of 27 other airports, I'm likely to stiffle a yawn. I think FTers are too interesting as people and would much rather talk about what people do for a career, where they live, or where they have traveled. And I can only sit through so many discussions on the merits of UA systemwides vs. AA EXP upgrades before I start feeling massive deja vu. I think a lot of folks initially show up for a FT dinner because they are happy to find folks who are as knowledgable and geeked out about frequent flyer programs as they are - but its rarely the main topic of conversation (at least at most of the dinners I've been to).

3. Remember dinner party rules about polite conversation. I've had to sit through someone's long diatribe about their family dynamics and who was/wasn't speaking to them (a stranger I'd never met, btw), heated ugly arguments about politics (as an American attending a foreign DO, I don't enjoy an hour long berating about our "stupid president"), or folks who sit down and greet me with "wow, techgirl - I've always thought you were a snobby witch from your posts on FT" (yes, that has happened on at least three occasions - and it doesn't exactly warm me up to spending an evening chatting with you).

4. On the polite note, I know I've been guilty of being a bit rude when someone has walked up and interrupted a conversation I've been in the middle of. This happened to me in London... I don't know the person who interrupted me but I was standing having a catch-up with a couple of folks I know well who I hadn't conversed with in a while and someone walked into our cluster and got frustrated because we didn't want to change the topic to the discussion item of their choice immediately. (He wandered off shortly and into another cluster - I do hope he found someone who was willing to discuss whatever airline issue it was with him.)

5. Not all of us attend DOs for the same reason. That's also important to keep in mind. Some folks come in with their group of friends and are primarily there to socialize with folks they already know. Some come to meet as many new people as possible. Some are shy and come because they wanted to do a particular activity or dine in a particular place but didn't want to go alone. Some come to scope out new conquests. Some come to talk points and miles. Some come to drink. Some come to eat. I always go into events reminding myself that everyone is not there for the same reason I might be... and its probably a good reminder for all of us to be tolerant of that.

6. Diversity. I've mentioned it again. The FT community is soooo diverse. Folks tend to naturally cluster a bit - whether by the airline they fly, their country of origin, their age, their relationship status/sexual orientation, their interests, their personalities. That's okay. Everyone on FT is not going to be my friend - many don't want to be and that's okay. If I want to have a BFF at a DO, I will usually bring my own.

Anyway... these are just my observations and everyone else's mileage may vary. That's one thing I find soooo cool about FT is that we all don't see the world around us the same way. Its ways makes it fascinating to meet and talk to new people - but its also what can cause frustration and communication breakdowns.

Good post, techgirl, and in particular this snippet:

It's a good idea to remember that most everybody has a different objective in attending a DO.

About the only DO I've attended where everybody agreed on the objectives was this week's Cow DO III in Argentina.

We were all intent on eating as much beef and consuming as much wine as humanly possible. ;)

And I'd bet some at the Do thought I dissed them. Its quite hard to meet and hang out with everyone at a large one.
But at least I think everyone realized I tried to make the rounds and talk to all. As was said above. Especially when you're hosting, you are busy being the host and less so being just social.

Also. There is now a flyertalk tag somewhere in BsAs that does not belong to a flyertalker. Darn ba.safhokfhaio's.......

or Canadian?

I'd rather listen than talk as I don't travel as much as most of you do. Where you've been and what you do is more interesting to me.

Plus...I'm actually kind of shy. It was very unnerving for me to attend the first dinner that I went to because I was so afraid I wouldn't fit in. Sandiego1K took me under her wing and absolutely everyone there made me feel welcome. It was an enlightening and wonderful experience.

I'm looking forward to the big San Francisco Do as that'll be my first megaFT experience. If I seem kind of stand-offish, it's not because you don't interest me but more likely because I'm too afraid to go up to people I don't know and start talking!

Although...once I get talking, I don't think I shut up :(

HEY! iluv2fly stalked ME on a plane, too, CDG-ORD as I recall.

I've been to a Do or two. And I can honestly say I've loved you all. Some of you more than others, but let's not take this thread all OMNI.

If I have even come off as rude or abrupt to anyone I do apologize. Like Techgirl, I'm a heck of a lot more interested in talking about NON-flyer things in person as I can get my fill of flyer talk on, well, Flyertalk.

PS, if you are a moderator, please ignore the above apology. I meant it and you deserved it! :p

That said, and returning to the OP, I have been in situations where I am traveling with business associates and was recognized by other flyertalkers and I was embarrassed because I didnt want to have to explain to business associates either my addiction to travel OR ft. Maybe that's what folks have experienced in getting cold receptions? That said, I do not own a FT tag (other than my heavy metal Old Gold one from circa 1999) and it was NOT me in Hawaii...

It's not so much the number of people, IMO, as it is how the DO is organized and where the people are staying.

Some DO's are loosely organized, folks are in hotels all over town and thus the chances to interact are limited.

Other DO's are tightly scheduled with multiple opportunities to get together.

Plus when the majority of attendees stay at the same hotel...as will be happening in the upcoming Fourth Annual PBI/FLL Meet, it makes it easier to meet more people. You interact at breakfast, in the lobby, health club ;), business center, bar and other common areas.


For me, the surreal shift is from using each others handles on a daily basis and instead using real names.

I'll always remember my first DO three years ago.

I walked into the bar where a bunch of FT'ers were imbibing adult beverages and introduced myself to the group with my handle. In response I got "Hi, I'm Jim, I'm Bob, I'm Betty, I'm Doris, etc."

To which I was mucho :confused:.

Were these the people I'd been interacting with for years and only knew by their unique handles?? It took awhile to match the real names with the handles and then to determine which the FT'er preferred to be addressed.

This is another good point... I don't answer to "techgirl" more than once - I introduce myself with my real name. It's weird for people to repeatedly address me by a moniker I use online - I'd almost prefer "hey you" if they can't remember my name.

I've had this happen too... with either associates or clients around. What's worse is when its combined with the above "hey techgirl, fancy seeing you here"... or worse yet when they address me like that and then want to start talking about mileage runs or something that had been posted on FT that day.

In the same degree of comfort, we've had attendees at DOs before who didn't want photos of themselves taken or posted online. I don't consider that rude either... everyone has a specific degree of comfort when it comes to internet life and real life colliding.

Dis This or Kiss This!
 

Since the Op is about Dissing, and kissing of frogs is now the topic, let me share a post I borrowed from the dis board. (Dis is a Disney version of FT).


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

I don't freaking think so.

this is an incredible thread...
 

I am so glad the topic has been broached as alot of folks are saying a lot of things I also feel - ther best summation I see for my experience is:

I think the big gatherings will by nature have some folk who are ill at ease with a first meeting of people they don't know, and with the surreal shift from virtual space to physical space, so awkwardness, social faux pas, and things that appear like dissing will be par for the course. All of that can be worked through if it's recognized for what it is.

I have attended one mega do (ORD) and many smaller do's and given my level of introversion I much prefer the smaller do's. Not that I don't appreciate the work that goes into the larger ones, but I find most large gatherings are not my style.

And at the risk of jumping into the flames, I will out myself as the person who did not shake Trojan Horse's hand at that ORD DO years ago. Would I do the same now? Probably not. But it's fascinating to me that my refusal had a lot to do w/ PM's and posts that castigated me for wanting to have a smaller breakout mini-do at the large ORD do, which would have been limited in size for those of us who were worried about the larger event. Did I do it in the most politic way? No. I was a new FT'er then and had a lot to learn about Do's etc.

If you're still reading this, I am sorry I was not more polite but I too remember the event, and how you treated my perhaps bungling request for a smaller luncheon.

On a happier note, Marysunshine is one of the finest FT'ers I have ever had the pleasure to meet - and years ago, before she and I had met, when it looked like mr. squeakr and I would be arriving in NY too late to have Thksgiving dinner, she graciously offered her home and her own celebration to us lost souls. We didn't need to take her up on it but I will never forget the offer.

That is a charming post squeakr. :)
Margaret

Hi, philemer! Back at'cha! Much fun indeed. Believe we'll see you again in '08, no?

Aloha! ^ ^

.....

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OP: Mike, sorry that happened. Were they embarrassed in front of the other person traveling with them?

I've met quite a few flyertalkers now on various flights and a couple of Dos. All have been positive experiences. Now, I have run into some jerks online (none on this thread, don't get paranoid). When I see what I am dealling with, I generally just ignore them from then on and move on. That's what you should do at a Do.

Now I do notice as someone else said that people come with different interests - for example I've met all kinds with various degrees of obsession with points and miles and with the Frequent flyer / flyertalk lingo. Sometimes I get above my head in the Flyertalk talk, and they move on to others who they have more in common with, but that's fine. Some day I hope to become a meember of the Genius-class Elites who actually make a profit from all of their trips. (I suspect there are at least a few Flyertalks in that rarified godlike status.)

I will make one recommendation to all: Let this thread be a motivation to you to seek out another Flyertalker who seems to not be getting into the mix very well and spend some time to chat with them at some point in the next Do you attend. :)

.....

back to the op, mikeef, i'm so glad you posted this as it happened to me as well as a new flyertalker in late 2005. i was in the ord red carpet club with my brand new ft tag and was thrilled to see a yellow tag (just like mine!) on a young 30-something guy's luggage. i walked by and said something like 'yay, flyertalk' and he looked at me like i had horns growing out of my forehead and smelled funny to boot. typically i get a better reaction from men, and hadn't been traveling long enough to smell bad, so i concluded it was about my less than scintillating attempt at conversation--or, at least, that it wasn't about me.

it never occurred to me to assume all flyertalkers were like that. it did strike me as odd that someone would put a tag on his bag who didn't want to be approached (the guy was alone, and not rushing anywhere) but...whatever.

i've since been to a couple of do's and have met several ft-ers on planes and on holiday and find flyertalkers to be much like people everywhere--some are great, some are fascinating, some are less so. we're all human and we all share this strange little hobby. it's lovely to use that as a jumping off point for broader conversation--or, even just to learn a trick or two to maximize your miles and points. ;)

that said, if you've got a flyertalk tag on your bag, i'm coming over to say hi. if you don't want strangers talking to you in airports, you might consider removing the tag. :p

I am like you Mary, as a rule I don't attend DO's either. There are people from FT I get together with when our paths cross but as far as an organized DO, I stay away.

Some folks on here are incredible friends, and I am glad at having met them. But to go to a large scale gathering would be frightful so I stay away.

This has been my understanding as well Blair. That is why I prefer small get together's with folks I know, or sorta know - maybe a drink, coffee etc. You know, like dinner somewhere in the latin quarter. :p Pretty much anything organised and posted on FT I stay away from.

Say, shouldn't it be two euro cents ;)

message deleted

:cool:

Hope so. I enjoy meeting new FT'ers.

And everyone of my bags has a FT tag.

excellent. and in your case, i'll need to add 'thanks!' for the cholula hat i picked up at last year's pbi-fll do! :)

I finally spotted my first FT tag on someone's backpack in the RCC at IAD. I said, "Hey, nice Flyertalk tag" and the guy look at me, smiled a tiny bit, came over and we exchanged a couple of sentences and he kept going. I found out later that he was on his way home from anoter Flyertalk event and wasn't feeling terribly well after a night of carousing. :)

sounds like someone was trying to impress their friend

Anybody stops me because of my FT tag is gonna get a handshake or a hug at the very least. Don't let other cold fish scare you off. I think most of us are extroverts.

That's actually pretty sad to hear from someone that has been around FT as long as you have been. A lot of time and effort goes into organizing events, be they small or large, and you'd be most welcome at any of them. I would certainly enjoy meeting you at an FT event.

I usually hit about 5-6 events a year and can't think of one that I didn't have an interesting discussion with someone about places to go or local sights to see, different ways to go about accumulating miles or points, or just travel in general.

I do think you're missing an opportunity to expand your travel/frequent flyer knowledge base.

I dunno... I just put my yellow tag on a carry-on but haven't had any luck meeting people yet.


On a smelly note, why do I always end up sitting close to someone prone to passing gas on the plane?


My last experience from HOU-JFK was so bad that the flight attendand smiled at me every time I had my finger by my nose and kindly sprayed the airfreshener to remedy the situation (several times).

talk about rolling eyes at other passengers... so uncool!

--Russ

One idea from this thread: try to be more polite with follow FTs.

I am not sure why it is sad. My lack of attendance does not stop others from attending so the time and effort in organizing the DO is not wasted. While I don't doubt you would indeed make me feel welcome, I can guarantee that other's would not. Tis ok though, I learned a long time ago that I can't be friends with everyone so I don't try. As for meeting me, it can happen as I do meet up with other FTr's for drinks/dinner etc. in my travels; it is just organized DO's I avoid.

Tis ok, I am happy with my knowledge base right now. Most of my travel is personal and what I have accumulated over the years serves me well. Can I always learn more, sure, but I don't need to attend a DO to gain that knowledge.

Hmmmmmmm, I think I recall a time...Gordon's in Seattle, anyone???

I know, I know, you've apologized profusely for telling me you were "from HELL"

:)

Absolutely...

Didn't I come and hang out with you a few years back.. So be happy I came.. :D

Your comment made me smile since I am 99.9% sure that I met you at a "do". :)

and gaylas? I seem to recall someone with a very similar handle to yours causing all sorts of hotel related drama before the PS Gayla, then bowing out...

As I keep saying, the truth is an aboslute defense! :D

Not to beat a dead horse here and I wasn't even there, but I do recall following that thread and unless I'm terribly mistaken, one Flyertalker made it clear that she was trying to move heaven and earth to change her itinerary for the sole purpose of stopping in Chicago for a few hours to meet you. That is more typical of the kinds of FlyerTalkers that I've met. Too bad you didn't post that. :(

Starting at the top!
 

The first flyertalker I met was Randy Peterson at FLL-first time I spotted a flyertalk luggage tag!
I have made several friends here on FT and have had the great pleasure of meeting several in person.
The knowladge I have acuired has made the few stones in the path worth enduring.

Quote: Not to beat a dead horse here and I wasn't even there, but I do recall following that thread and unless I'm terribly mistaken, one Flyertalker made it clear that she was trying to move heaven and earth to change her itinerary for the sole purpose of stopping in Chicago for a few hours to meet you. That is more typical of the kinds of FlyerTalkers that I've met. Too bad you didn't post that.
__________________
EAMUS CATULI AC 036198

You are absolutely correct in that there are many people on these boards that have been exceptionally friendly to me and gone out of their way to chat and socialize. I thank them very much. My post was simply referring to a one-time incident and was not supposed to reflect on any other meetups I had attended.
I will not post further to this thread as it has caused hurt feelings to others so I am dropping it here and now.