Funniest Line from a TSA Agent
 

I made my way though the nearly empty TSA lines at Tampa yesterday and struck up a conversation with an agent sitting next to the X-Ray monitor / screener guy. Maybe it was the storm's effect or perhaps fatigue from dealing with all the RNC delegates but this guy's humor was on overload. This was his best line -- which I think would make a dandy FT bumper sticker (quote):

"TSA -- Saving the world one water bottle at a time."

:)

You found a TSA Agent with a sense of humor!?!?! WHAAAAAT?!?!?

Did you give him a JWD cert?

In before the move...

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Now how did you know?

The new home for this discussion is the Checkpoints and Borders Policy Debate forum, as this topic has nothing to do with Delta Air Lines or the SkyMiles frequent flier loyalty program.

Regards,

Canarsie
Co-Moderator, Delta SkyMiles forum

Moved, so that nobody ever sees it? As much negativity floats around the DL board, I thought a laugh would be a plus.

The guys was working the Sky Priority side of the checkpoint at last.

then I guess the world isn't very safe since the TSA's success rate in detecting my water bottle or liquids over 3 oz. in my carry on is less than 50%.

A “re-direct” was provided in the Delta SkyMiles forum and will remain there for a month — so technically, this discussion gets exposure in two separate forums on FlyerTalk.

I used to carry a box cutter in my bag, as I used it for work. Earlier this year, I inadvertently left it in my bag, which I carried on two TATL flights. Ever since then, I double check my bag before heading off to the airport!

He must have still been in training.

There have always been TSA employees with a sense of humor - like the wag that wrote:

That's some seriously funny stuff right there, given the source and their actions...

I don't know which line is funnier, the one from the PAX or the one from TSA. You decide.
A middle-aged woman was submitting her belongings for x-ray.
TSA: "Ma'am, your shoes will have to go through x-ray."
PAX: "Do I have to take them off?":confused:
TSA: "That's up to you.":rolleyes:

:D

Mike

Are you sure it was a joke? I'm pretty sure this guy actually believes what he is saying.

I cleared in Anchorage recently: struck up a short conversation with a TSO while putting my bag and myself back together. (Conversation about ready to be home)


TSO: Oh, you're from Houston? I was there recently for training. Wait - "STATE YOUR NAME" (Said in total mock alarm)

Me: ::Laughing::

TSO: Yea. It's completely ridiculous, like that's going to prove anything. We don't do that up here.


Overall, that night in Anchorage was what the TSA should be striving for. Some humor, helpfulness, and common sense (ie, knowing the "Name Game" is utterly pointless) would go a long way to making them a respectable organization.

Must be they are tired with the delegates. When I went through CLT on sept 1, their fatigue was showing. I requested my molestation. There was little argument over it. He told me they did not see anything to make me want to opt out. I told him it was due to the brain tumor I once had (true strory). He did not toss on his scrubs and mask and start to argue with me like he was a Dr. he praised me for being safe!!! Then we could not find my large bottom of saline that had been in my bin. I mentioned to all agents that it is there. Don't want them surprised. He found it at one test station. No clue if it had been tested. H gave it back and thanked me for 'enduring' the process.

Had a couple of times through MIA a month ago.First time as usual I got a pat down of legs-I wear a knee guard.But after i was patted down the agent yells out"male security".I wondered what I was in for.Had to have an explosives check on my knee guard.Refrained from asking when the last "knee guard bomber"was.

Second time again the pat down but this time of my chest.Thought it was just going to be a full body pat down but after patting my chest he finishes and yells out to the assembled multitudes-"It's just man boobs".

TSA could learn a lot from the portuguese. When I flew back from Lisbon last week I forgot about the pocket knive in my carry-on bag. Of course it showed up on the x-rays, and when I laughed about my forgetfulness the screeners joined in. Checking it in or having it mailed to me would take so long that I'd miss my flight. The only option was to throw it away (there went my three euro knife, sniff sniff), for which the portuguese security guy and girl apologized to me.

A couple of years ago I flew out of London Gatwick. It was an early morning flight and the night before had been long. Keys in the tray? Check. Coins? Check. Belt? Check. And then the scanner went beepbeepbeep when I walked through with my backpack still on my back, carrying my laptop, phone, and other metal stuff. Of course everyone behind me burst out laughing. No problem. My bag went in the scanner and I passed the metal detector again, this time without a beep. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I had done this in the USA...

TSA could learn a lot from just about anyone.

My thought is just smile at life and move on. We are all in on this together. The whole TSA thing is questionable as to how much it helps our safety. My feeling is we should either go for an Israeli type system, or back off to pre 9/11 levels. All this hell travellers face and not one true terrorist attack has been discovered. But until it finally resolves itself, I still take my hat off to these $12 per hour employees who move us through the lines. They aren't Phd candidates, but they work hard. Everyone of us has a story of some illogical or foolish conduct on their part.

In your case, for example, you could make a stink, write letters, even cost some guy his job or get him disciplined. But why. Laugh and move on. Again, we are all in this together. I always tell the ones that ARE nice, "thanks for doing this job."

Good point. I often think this about the sales people that barge into my office....blowing right by the "no solicitors" sign on the door. What a way to make a living. Thanks for the reminder to "remember to be kind".

To the original poster though....it does get wearing after awhile, especially as we get older. I'm beginning to understand the "crotchety old man/woman" syndrome :rolleyes:

Have a great day in spite of it all :D

Ca77y

Yah, TSA attempts at humor usually fall flat...like the one document checker in OKC who cracked the joke "your name sounds like McVeigh." I mean, wow, how many levels of wrong just happened there?

Dublin airport - beckoned over for a swabbing... The agent says, "Here's a likely suspect!"

We had words. And the supervisor and I had words. I was not amused.

This is why I make a point to no longer fertilize my garden before leaving on travel.

Why? Are you of an ethnic minority?

Nope. Unless beards count.

Simple rule. No joking in security. Not for the PAX and certainly not for the agents of the state.

What would happen to me. If I replied to his attempt at humour 'here's a likely suspect!" with, "nope, not today. I left the bomb at home today!"

I was just unsure of what your complaint was. You make a fair point.

I make the same distinctions at the checkpoint that I do with every other encounter in life.

There are clumsy, inept and clueless people everywhere.

There are people who are distracted for what might be terrible reasons (family member in hospital, etc.) every day.

There are people who are frustrated, beaten down people trying to tough out a thankless job (cold-calling, complaint service, enforcing asinine policies).

Then there are people who are nasty or bullying, people who take out their frustrations on others when and where they can get away with it (parent beating kids, husband beating wife, cop assaulting unresisting suspect) or who frankly enjoy bullying and demeaning others.

There is never an excuse for nastiness or bullying - I don't care how upset you are, how thankless and unrewarding your job is. No excuse. None. People who engage in these types of behaviors have no excuse and deserve nothing but contempt.

Some TSOs (and other people) fall in the former categories; too many TSOs fit the latter description. One rotten TSO, supported by 2-3 fellow TSOs who support his/her behavior by not calling him out on it or complaining, can poison the experience of dozens and dozens of travelers in a single day. I feel both pity and contempt for such people.

Perhaps your advice should also be directed at checkpoint bullies who delight in humiliating a mastectomy survivor or karate-chopping a guy in the groin because they don't like his looks or shouting at an elderly, hearing-impaired vet who can't get his shoes off fast enough - ask them to laugh and move along.

This is a good point, as "elites" maybe we should do something about that. I mean, I can't do much about a document checker who thinks it's funny to compare me as a passenger to a known terrorist because of a vague name similarity. I mean, if we complain, our voices are much louder than that of the average passenger. Right now, there's not really an app for that, except for that civil rights violation one the Sikh's put together. This really isn't a civil rights matter, just a civility matter.

Complain to whom? TSA is not going to be impressed by DYKWIAs (or anyone else apparently); your airline(s) is not going to pressure the TSA, now or at any future time.

Deal with it.

I agree, if they want to be considered an actual security force they should not be joking. If the threat is as real as they would have ppl believe why make light of it? And great point about if you made the joke.^

" I served in Vietnam so people like you can have the freedom to get patdowns."

I don't think he was trying to be funny.

I do deal with it for a quarter million miles a year, thank you. You sound like a cynic, whereas I'm a successful activist. We have elected officials and the ACLU, who I used to work for, so that's a start of whom to complain to. What I'm suggesting is that if FF add their voices together, and put that into organized action, the sum of those voices would be greater than the whole. My guess is being a cynic, that doesn't occur to you.

+1000

I think most flyers at the checkpoint are infrequent or first-time flyers who don't really know or understand TSA - certainly not enough to realize that the wrong joke can land them in a world of trouble all out of proportion to the joke.

Right or wrong, the TSA has established a zero-tolerance, 'no jokes allowed' policy at the checkpoint. When a TSO strays from that rule and slips into 'questionable' territory, that behavior can be misleading - not only to the pax he is addressing, but to other pax at the checkpoint or people the pax may talk to later.

Think what might happen to a pax who has a TSO joke with him in what would be a normal manner anywhere else in the country (good joke, bad joke, doesn't matter) - think what happens if the next time that pax flies, he initiates a similar foolish exchange to the wrong TSO, someone with a chip on his shoulder.

Cynic or realist? Maybe you could educate me by listing your successes with the ACLU, elected representatives or the TSA itself which have resulted in changes at airport checkpoints. Yes, you can complain to the above and even to the TSA (when the site is up), but you won't accomplish much if anything.

There have been a couple of attempts here to put together an FF activists' site but nothing came of them AFAIK. The TSA reacts downward not upward and passengers are way down at the bottom. However many of them "get together"; and I suspect that would be a relatively small number in any case.

"What was it like serving for Ho Chi Minh, Comrade?"

I had an agent tell me that there were cameras all around the checkpoint, and I shouldn't be nervous about my belongings being away from me. I laughed...

I was told the same thing when I was pulled over for a hand swipe because I travel with a dog (so I was told). I laughed too.....and thought to myself "so is that so you can watch the crooks steal my stuff?"

Another time I forgot to take one of those multi-tool thingies out of my purse and an inch long knife thingy. When she pulled the second item out I said "gosh, I hope I remembered to take out my gun". I was not joking as I do carry a gun sometimes. Her head popped up and she looked me straight in the eye and said "you know we're being recorded". It was a cautionary warning......not threatening in any way but I sure did shut my mouth.

Most unfunny thing I've heard from a TSO @ SWF, "What do you tell a
woman with two black eyes? Nothing. She's already been told, twice."

I think the boozos at CHS take that stuff to heart. It's baffling to me the brainwashing those poor souls must go through to be that thorough at CHS.

To contribute; this was said by me... i was very tired and punchy, i did not miss a beat. A TSO was barking orders at a group of bleary eyed PAX in PDX about shoes, belts, rings, etc off and having BP with ID at the ready and made some comment about doing X Y Z unless you have a "burning desire" to do A B C and I just blurt out "Are we allowed to say "Burning Desire" whilst going through the checkpoint?!?"

It made a few people's morning.

Not a TSA agent, but a UK immigration agent when entering the UK with my dad.

"How are you two related?"
"Father/son"
"I thought so, but wanted to make sure. The other day I had a man about your age (pointing at my dad) with a girl about your age (pointing at me) and I said 'Is this your daughter' and he said 'No, that's my wife!'"

Wish more TSA and other agents could have a sense of humor, it livens up the monotony of travel, especially after 8 hours on a flight.