What to say as you are being groped?
 

Call me passive/aggressive if you want....

Anyone have suggestions on what to say as you are being groped? I'm looking for something a little funny - a little sarcastic - and to make me feel just a little better. Trying to make a point but not get taken aside for a cavity search.

Back in the days of the "spread your arms" feel-up, I used to ask the agent if they had seen the new Mel Gibson movie. (Passion of the Christ) Some got it and some didn't.

I've also been known to ask agents "Catch any bad guys today??" as they went through my bags. But I need something better than that.

Yesterday, I told a young TSA guy, "Wish my wife would do this more often...."

That same wife says I need to improve my jokes. So I thought I'd ask here for help.

Nothing funny to say about a decidedly unfunny process. I say "Do what you got do and get it over with."

When feeling particularly ornery I've used "Come on Rolando, get your grope on."

Anyone have any experience being really mean or accusatory? I'm going to be flying at least once this year (possibly twice) and I'm thinking of things along the lines of:

-So do you get off on fondling strangers?
-Does my body do it for ya? (must be spoken with disdain lest they think it's a come-on)
-Javol, herr commandant. (Hi, Godwin! *waves*)
-So how much do they pay you to molest children? (Only use this if your gate-rapist patted down a child ahead of you)

The 3rd one is the only one that seems to me like it could be taken as a threat, if the TSO is completely ignorant of the German language. Since the others are accusations wrapped in inquiries I find it hard to believe they could be seen as threatening and thus illegal.

Am I wrong? Anyone tried being really abusive to TSOs after the "Abusive language will not be tolerated BY OUR AUTHORITAH! Screw your free speech, we are above the law!" signs went up? What was the outcome?

And I'm starting to think it would indeed be a good idea to have a "Psychological warfare against TSOs" sticky.

I kinda like "Catch any bad guys today"?

of course the answer has been No since the inception of TSA. Unless you count water bottle bandits and shoes-in-bin scofflaws.

Most people like to take pride in their work and think that they are making a contribution in the world. Any chance to remind them of their uselessness is a good thing.

Uh, Uh, don't stop now, I'm almost there.

I'm reminded of Mark Twain: "Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig."

Certainly, everyone has freedom to choose their words for themselves. But I'm not sure that speaking out to the TSO assigned to perform a patdown is going to be effective in creating lasting change. Front-line TSOs have virtually no say in TSA policies; expressing one's frustrations to them may be somewhat satisfying, but probably won't lead anywhere.

Of course, you're free to say whatever you want. But, personally, I would save the pithy remarks for someone who could actually do something about it.

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver.

You have the right to remain silent. If this is as hard for you as it is for me, slap some duct tape over your yap.

There's nothing to be gained from baiting the goons. It's their puppet-masters who need to be pilloried.

I have to agree - at this stage, any employee of the TSA who was capable of finding alternate employment and objected to the current treatment of American citizens by the TSA has gone on to some other job.

All that's left are the ignorant, the bitter, the undereducated, and the stupid who are either incapable of finding alternative employment, or actually enjoy groping people for a living (or possible enjoy the income derived from stealing from passengers.)

There's no point in baiting them.

This was posted this morning in another thread and maybe they need to be reminded how they put themselves at risk by doing this task. They have to touch them to take them off. And the swabs. Sure the cloth part may be changed and uncontaminated, but what about the handle that is used all day long in the blue gloved hands?

How about smiling, licking your lips, and saying "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

@:-) Or, after it's all over, you could point to the TDC and say "He's got my name and number, in case you're interested in a second date."

When asked to spread arms out to the side, one could always do while looking the agent straight in the eye and saying "Heil Hitler!" That might somewhat get the point across.

However, I'd be tempted to take a more direct approach and ask them why they appear to agree with policies that make them sexual batterers and child molesters. The more they understand that there are those in public-- like me, and a number of us here-- who view them as unconvicted felons, hopefully the more embarrassing their job feels to them.

of course, if you want to be particularly kind, then hum the tune to the SSI theme song. That shows you share the TSA employee's deep reverence for Secret Squirrel Inanity, and should serve to help the goon feel validated.

I'm planning on moaning.

Brilliant!:D

Make a few requests: "Oh yeah, right there!" "Could you get my right shoulder blade, then an inch toward the center? I can never quite get that spot." "Don't just rub - scratch hard!"

The ultimate would be to stumble straight into the airport after a hunting trip or something similar - no bath - no change - plenty of suspicious chemicals clinging to your cloths and skin.

Why make it easy for them? More people should just trip through the line in their all-American glory, covered in scary nitrates, stinking of beer and uncleansed from their labors.

You could always start singing some Captain and Tennille to the agent:

http://www.metrolyrics.com/do-that-t...-tennille.html