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‘Buzzword bingo’ played by BA pilots

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Old Jun 29, 2018, 1:12 am
  #16  
 
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Originally Posted by Pascoe
Explanations for go arounds can be creative at times - flight deck trying to balance the fact that for them it's just part and parcel of flying, against the fact that for some passengers it may not be.
Totally agree. In the case I mentioned above, it was perfect as a number of worried passengers cracked a smile and relaxed.
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 1:20 am
  #17  
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I like AA pilots while taxiing, who usually tell you where we are in the takeoff queue.

My personal favourite from a few months ago:

"We're currently 29th in the takeoff queue, meaning we will spend more time on the ground here, than our time in the air. I guess people really want to leave Philly".

At 830am, that was hilarious!

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Old Jun 29, 2018, 1:23 am
  #18  
 
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Originally Posted by Woodbinerich
I love the way pilots always understate things to maintain their (and the passengers) composure.

My favourite turn of phrase I heard from a BA was a few years ago on a very windy and gusty day coming back from OSL.

We attempted a landing at LHR, with the little A319 being buffeted and rocking quite violently from side to side, with the cross winds.
We ended up doing a 'go around' and when we had climbed back up to a few thousand metres, the pilot came on, cool as a cucumber, and said to the white faced passengers.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not sure whether you noticed, but it's a bit breezy down there, so we are going to have another go"..
Similar to the KLM captain who, having just touched down VERY firmly (and thus safely) in a storm at AMS, said very drily: "Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, we just landed at Amsterdam Schiphol Airport."
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 1:27 am
  #19  
 
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Originally Posted by LTN Phobia
Speaking of pilot PAs, BA used to be full of comedians many years ago.
Anyone recall frequently getting funny PAs on BA flights?
It still happens very occasionally but I miss the frequency of funnies.
Reminds me of a pilot's PA last year on an evening flight from LHR to ZRH: "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome onboard. As you might have noticed, our utmost priority is to get you to Zurich as safely as possible. And I promise, we'll achieve this today!" Loved it!
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 2:09 am
  #20  
 
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Originally Posted by Takiteasy
I am wondering what elements of speech are imposed on the by the airline or is there a big game of BS bingo on specific words going on in the BA pilot fraternity?

- Welcome on board this British Airways operated Boeing 747
- Your safety is our priority
- We recommend you keep your seat belt loosely fastened during the entire flight
- John will come back to you with arrival details later on. In the meantime sit back relax and enjoy the flight
- Compulsory timing reference on arrival: We are a few minutes early / I am pleased that we are right on schedule / I’m sorry that we are 27 minutes late
BA operated used to be a mandatory part of the flight crew welcome PA, but was removed in an update to our manuals. A lot of pilots still include it out of habit - along with this is a non-smoking flight and telling everyone to watch the safety demo, which were removed as these points are repeated by the cabin crew.

Personally, when traveling as a passenger I prefer the concise approach taken on my last Spirit flight in the US:

”Mornin’ folks, Captain speaking, hour and a half enroute, should be a smooth ride. Welcome aboard”
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Last edited by wingtip428; Oct 4, 2018 at 4:53 pm
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 2:37 am
  #21  
 
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Many years ago on a Dan Air flight (yes that far back) we were coming in to LGW when the captain said 'ladies and gentleman we will be arriving soon at London Gatwick. This is the first time the co pilot has landed here so let's give him our full support!'

I dare say if they pulled that one today the flight crew would be 'invited' to attend an interview without coffee....
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 2:58 am
  #22  
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Originally Posted by Lizie
Many years ago on a Dan Air flight (yes that far back) we were coming in to LGW when the captain said 'ladies and gentleman we will be arriving soon at London Gatwick. This is the first time the co pilot has landed here so let's give him our full support!'

I dare say if they pulled that one today the flight crew would be 'invited' to attend an interview without coffee....
Actually... I had a flight a couple of months ago on EasyJet - MAN-AMS. There was a senior captain who did the introduction announcement, and said he was joined in the cockpit by another Captain and a First Officer (John). He said John would be doing the landing at AMS (which seemed a bit strange, as they would normally say something like "John will be flying us over to AMS").

Anyway, the approach to AMS was normal, but the landing was the harding I've had in my 40 years of flying. There was no flare, and it genuinely hurt my back (I was in row 2).

The Senior Captain came back on as we taxied in :-

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Amsterdam. As you probably noticed, that landing was bit firmer than what you are normally used to. The reason is that this was John's first landing with passengers on board, as he is completing his training. John will be standing near the front door as you exit so you can pass on your thoughts to him"
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:09 am
  #23  
 
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On my flight on Sunday down from MAN>LHR, when reading the iPad Blurb about removing devices from power sockets, he added a cheeky joke - "If you can find any on this aircraft, that is......"
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:15 am
  #24  
 
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I had a pilot PA making light of a minor passenger incident at HEL on Finnair.

A disruptive passenger was being offloaded by police at our remote stand even before doors were closed for taxi and the pilot came on saying something along those lines in the typical dry pilot voice:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are sorry for the short delay. One of our passengers decided he would rather stay here in Helsinki so we are going to reunite him with his luggage. We should be on the way shortly."
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:20 am
  #25  
 
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In answer to the original post, cabin crew PAs are scripted and should be delivered as written - there used to be a little booklet, it’s on the iPad now. Pilot PAs are not scripted but do have mandated elements, these have changed over the years and reduced but most pilots have a “normal” welcome aboard script in their heads and a short one, depending on how much time there is and what else is going on. As such they can sound a little formulaic or like we are playing buzzword bingo.

The difficult ones ones to deliver are when things are going awry, either with the aircraft or the operation. In these cases there is no script and so the level of umming are arrrring increases. Pilots talking to other pilots will also use phrases that might scare the pants off passengers so are best avoided, as is general techno speak, that can make the PA sound a little stilted. Bad news, should be honest open and updated regularly. So if there is a delay, tell the passengers what the delay is, if it is likely to change and tell them you will update them in xxx minutes - even if the update is just to say ther has been no change. Standing in the front cabin talking face to face to the passengers can be a useful tool. Rather than a disembodied voice delivering bad news, you get to look at people directly, obviously that is an on the ground only option.

Humour is is a dangerous area, while some people may like your sense of humour many may not understand or appreciate it or it can lead to misunderstanding. Unless a pilot is a natural wit and raconteur, humour is probably best avoided.
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:27 am
  #26  
 
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A number of years ago, leaving San Antonio, first flight of the day for that Southwest aircraft. Apparently outside of plane had been cleaned overnight and pilot discovers someone had forgotten to sign off on a safety inspection. That someone was still home, as.eep and had to get up and get himself to the airport. Pilot was obviously livid.

He announced, " Ladies and Gentleman Southwest is working on getting new connections for those who will miss theirs. ( for those who don't know, when you fly Southwest it is usually multiple short flight) But , for those of you going to City X ( I forget where), I assure you, your plane will be held until you arrive...long pause... I'm scheduled to be your pilot on that too!
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:32 am
  #27  
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Originally Posted by beachmouse
Though a 'Well, folks' from the cockpit on a United States airline can generally be assumed to mean 'I am about to tell you something you do not want to hear'

It can be also amusing to listen to a pilot try to come up with workarounds for things he's been told not to directly discuss with the passengers. I've had a few Delta short haul flights where the pilot encouraged passengers to use the toilets before the boarding doors closed. Which is a coded message that 'Delta operations doesn't want me to tell you we're about to load the plane, close the door and then hold at the start of the runway for 15-40 minutes because of congestion at ATL. Yet again.'.
As I said, ad hoc, so the wording will depend on whoever it is in the flight deck making the PA. Ofcourse the wording will not differ that much as there are specific things best avoided, a good example being if there's an engine issue after takeoff and the aircraft has to return, you won't find a pilot saying "ladies and gentlemen unfortunately we have had a fire on the number 2 engine that is now extinguished, so we're returning to Heathrow as we now only have one operational engine", you'll get something more along the lines of "ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately due to a technical issue we're going to have to return to Heathrow". Or maybe if there's a precautionary landing and a diversion when fire trucks will be following you down the runway, you'll get something along the lines of "after landing you may see some emergency vehicles following the aircraft, don't be alarmed, this is standard procedure for xxx airport". As waterhorse said, it's best not to lie, but you do have to pick words carefully as to not send everyone into a panic.
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:38 am
  #28  
 
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Originally Posted by Takiteasy
And don’t get me started on the ‘we’ll do our best to catch up time while in the air’ or other ‘we are negotiating with air traffic control’.
Yes, I find these intensely annoying. How many times does the following scenario occur?

Scheduled time of arrival is, say, 14:30.
You check flight status on the app 3 hours before takeoff and it shows a delayed time of arrival at 15:15.

You board the plane on time. Pilot comes on and runs through the full routine:
- Thanks for boarding so promptly, we are just about ready to go and will be pushing back slightly ahead of schedule
- Sorry for the slight delay, we're just waiting for the last bits of paperwork and will be on our way shortly
- Just to give you an update, we've just had a delayed takeoff slot imposed by air traffic control, but we're negotiating with them to see if we can bring it forward
- It's very busy today at Heathrow (when is it ever not? ed.) but we're third in the queue now and hopefully will take off soon; we'll do our best to catch up as much time as possible once we're in the air

and lo and behold... YOU LAND EXACTLY AT 15:15, just like the app told you 5 hours ago.

Why do they bother? It doesn't make the passengers any happier.
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:41 am
  #29  
 
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How many different ways do you expect them to have of saying simple things like "we arrived early/on time/late" and "keep your seatbelt fastened"?
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Old Jun 29, 2018, 3:47 am
  #30  
 
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Originally Posted by LTN Phobia
Speaking of pilot PAs, BA used to be full of comedians many years ago.
Anyone recall frequently getting funny PAs on BA flights?
It still happens very occasionally but I miss the frequency of funnies.
Years ago, I remember someone on the PA saying "Lest you've forgotten that we're about take to the air in 300-ton glorified aluminium tube, do make sure you pay attention to the cabin crew's safety instructions."

Not sure you could get away with that today!
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