Chris, an excellent and comprehensive list (I've worked as a waiter, too). One point, though:
Originally Posted by
JayhawkCO
[*]Guests who can't EVER sit at the table at which they're being seated. This is a little bit different beast when the restaurant is completely empty, but assuming there's some volume, the hosts are probably seating you there for a reason. (To comment on others that don't like to be sat near others when the restaurant is slow, I submit that a) it's far easier for a server to wait on tables near each other, and b) that way the server doesn't have to clean tables that have already been reset. I know that might not be a big deal to you, but when you have a 3 table section and you have to reset 12 tables, it's kind of annoying).
We'll ask to switch tables because:
1. We don't like to be seated next to a restroom or bussing station. Does anyone? It shouldn't be a shock to a maitre 'd that people don't want to smell restroom disinfectant or see stacked and dirty dishes while they're dining.
2. I won't sit at a table in which the sun is in my eyes (or, for that matter, a light in a poorly designed restaurant). Again, does anyone like light shining in their eyes when they're eating?
3. I won't sit next to a large, noisy party. I'm sure you've seen it: 8 tables pushed together in the middle of the room with a scattering of 1 or 2 tables for two around the wall. We eat in restaurants to have a pleasant and relaxing meal, not to watch a bunch of people get loudly drunk, scream with laughter, make speeches, etc.
4. And the big one: Don't ever seat us near babies or noisy young children. If we wanted Chuck E. Cheese, we'd have gone to one (and we never do). We will not tolerate crying babies or screaming children for one minute. If the manager doesn't do something about it, we will walk out (though, of course, we'll pay for what we consumed and tip the waiter regardless).