1. TSA screening in LAS, screener pulls an elderly (65ish) lady's handbag from the xray belt. "Madam, you can't bring any liquids through security", he said as he pulled a half empty 750ml bottle of Jack Daniels from her purse.
2. Flight from Moscow to Zuerich on SwissAir, drunken russian guy across the aisle tells me the story of his life (in russian), stopping occasionally staring at me until I nod my head in agreement, then continues.
FA tries him to quiet down, but he ignores here completely. FA asks me to translate for my "friend", since he didn't seem to speak english, and she didn't speak any russian.
I replied truthfully "I don't know the guy, and I don't speak any russian, either". Hilarity all around.