Since you're new here, I'll write down all the details. Out of an abundance of caution, the SSSS procedure is SSI (Selective Secret Information), so the Terrorists will not learn the procedure, part of the deliberate random inconsistency layer of security where the front line screeners (called TSOs) do not know the rules either.

SSSS Screening involves seven steps called “Potential Terrorist Tests” you must pass to stay out of jail free and fly today:

1. Vision Test: TSA regulations require customers to read and obey all posted placards, starting with the one over the entrance to the SSSS penalty box, “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here.”

2. Hearing Test: You must hear and obey when the TSO mutters “Respect Ma Authoratay”

3. Intelligence Test: When asked, you must be prepared to immediately give the correct answer to “Do Ya Wanna Fly Today?”

4. Abandonment Test: Can you do without your Constitutional Rights and Dignity for the next twenty minutes? Well can you, punk?

5. Memory Test: You Must Remember,: TSA considers EVERY person, that includes you, to be a terrorist until proven innocent. "Innocent until proven guilty" does not apply, refer back to Step 4 if you need more information.

6. Patience Test: Can you stand there while the TSO pulls out your $2000 lens and lets it roll off the table with a “Oops, did I do that?”, without verbally or physically attacking the high school grad on a power trip?

7. Coordination Test: Can you reassemble your luggage and hold up your pants and put on your belt and put on your shoes (without using a chair) and run to your gate in under three minutes so you don’t miss your plane?

Congratulations! You passed the Seven Goosestep Program! TSA Mission Accomplished! The Homeland is Secure! YOU ARE NOT A TERRORIST!