Here's how it will work:

The TSO who checks ID's will ask each passenger a series of questions, each more devious than the last. These employees will be trained in SPOT, so that any potentially suspicious characters can be caught early.

Assuming that the passenger/potential terrorist (Hey, they're the same thing now.) makes it through the first screening, the TSO will direct said person to the appropriate lane. The red lane will be for families, people with too many bags or anyone else the TSO chooses to punish. The yellow lane will be for people who look too fast for the red lane, but can't quite make the green lane.

Here's where it gets exciting: passengers directed to the green lane will each have to sign a statement and have it notarized (for a modest fee) that they do not hold the TSA responsible for what follows. Each passenger will have 12 seconds to get his/her shoes off, take out the Freedom Baggie and remove all electronics. After 12 seconds, a TSO will "encourage" the traveler to move more quickly by zapping him with a light shock from a taser. Each additional five seconds will result in increased voltage, until the passenger gets through screening or lapses into unconsciousness.

Hey, it's the new age of airport screening, and we have to learn to live with it.

Mike