I (Liz) once got in to a load of trouble off a trainer for saying in the 'after take off PA'

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the toilets are located at the rear of the cabin and for the comfort and safety of all our passengers they are fitted with toilet rolls." She was not amused, but the pax loved it.

Julie here got a good laugh by getting me to pause during the briefing and she stopped her demo, went to two business men who were talking rudely and said she loudly

"Gentlemen, are your names Mr Manners and Mr Pleasant? No? Sorry! Your mistake!"

We have never properly messed on with the safety announcement though. It has to have brevity and can still be made engaging if said with sincerity, but with all the others why not have a little tease of the passengers. You must appreciate repeating the same endless groundhog PA's is dull and tiresome and we always get the impression no one listens.

Our favourite on short haul was before landing:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, right, wake-up now and smell the runway if you missed the coffee earlier. We will shortly be bumping down and the Captain requests that you put on your seat belt, the Crew request that you put on your shoes. PLEASE! The CAA request that you place your luggage away safely and good sense requires you to place your seat back and tray table in the upright position. Your reward for good behaviour and compliance will be a smile from us that carries you through your day. This is a once in a flight-time opportunity and not to be missed!"

Honestly we used to get applause. Oh we miss short haul! Oh yes, and our best response to a bad boner shaker landing was always

"On behalf of Captain Thumper and First Officer Bambi, broken concrete evidence that we've arrived at ******.

They loved that one too. The secret with all this as Crew is to make your own teases up, keep them appropriate, and judge the mood of the passengers. People think we are witty, but there is a lot of self amusement involved, it keeps us fresh and interested, and that can never be a bad thing. (But some of you are right on here, some of these pax chats have been floating around for ten years. BORING!) We wrote loads more in our book, if you really like them, and some of those are very cheeky and we don't know how we got away with them, but we did!

Love,

Liz & Julie x